Star Wars: The Mandalorian and Grogu

The first half works. Bounty hunter Mando takes contracts bringing down Imperial assholes (i.e., Nazis) as he teaches Grogu the Mandalorian ways. One can only imagine what Grogu will be like as a Force-wielding Jedi bounty hunter. (So like, what if Yoda was an assassin??) 

The adventure slows down considerably when Mando gets captured by his dreaded rival and tracker "Wok Asahat." Wok captures Mando — which is bullshit; nobody should ever be able to capture Mando — and drags him back to the Jabba siblings so they can torture him to death. Granted, he escapes, barely, and thus begins the gentle parable about caretaking. Grogu can't heal him right away, as his super Force powers would imply. No, no. Grogu must toil and struggle, implying a close family bond. This is the way. 

After Favreau and company test our resolve and attention span with the gentle caretaking, Ellen Ripley and the X-wing fighters arrive, and the Imperial ass-kicking begins again in earnest, as it should. I'm a sucker, I guess. It's always a treat when there's a new Star War.

Sisu: Road to Revenge

It’s always such a pleasure to watch Nazis explode into bloody pieces, as they did with violent glee in its Finnish action predecessor. Now the villains are the Red Army, who aren’t exactly Nazis, but they dress like Nazis, so it’s okay. This symphony of mayhem directly references famous action movies and, of course, Wile E. Coyote cartoons. While the Coyote was only ever undone by his own ineptitude, our revenge-driven ("constructive resentment") Sisu hero is the absolute architect of so many spectacularly gruesome deaths and never lets his own crippling pain get in the way. To see it is to love it.

Predator: Badlands

What do you get when you team-up a gross, weird-mouthed Predator with a bubbly, blonde, humanoid robot?? Cue “Odd Couple” theme! On paper this sounds like a tired, sequel cash-grab, but it was fairly watchable. With Dan Trachtenberg (Prey) at the helm the pace is swift, the action is fresh, and the performances are light but effective. 

It's always amusing to consider that aliens on distant planets speak gibberish, leaving audiences to read subtitles for the fake language. Like, are filmmakers afraid that they’ll be accused of cultural appropriation by some virtue-signaling millennial because they’re not honoring the fake native language of the Yautja? Are they worried the Yautja elders will boycott their movie if they’re depicted as growling and grunting in English? It’s weird to think about. Someone should publish a definitive, Strunk & White-esque style guide for writing dialogue in fake alien languages. It's worth noting, too, that there are a couple of small nods to the Alien universe, honoring — however lightly — the franchise's mediocre crossover entries of the past. Suffice to say, it's a fun world-building flick with a lot of sequel potential.

The Devil Wears Prada 2

I’m ashamed to admit I was kinda confused by the plot. Plucky Anne Hathaway is brought in to save a legacy print magazine because she’s now a plucky, hard-nosed journalist. But she saves the day by finding a buyer for the magazine that isn’t her evil bestie? And the puppet-master is actually Stanley Tucci? The value of the previous movie, I thought, was that you could survive assholes in a cutthroat world by staying optimistic and plucky. I’m not sure what the takeaway is here - I’m not sure the filmmakers know, either. What they are sure about is: the wish fulfillment. There are fancy clothes in this world and you absolutely should be wearing them. Just make sure you never, ever look happy about it.