Eternals

The Eternals are the “bizarro” Avengers. They’re not human, they’re not interesting, they’re not funny, they’re not on Earth to help humanity, and they rarely take action when needed. Mostly, they stand in a circle, or sometimes a half circle facing the camera, and they discuss what they should do next to stop the monsters that are coming out of the ground for some reason. And although they’re not allowed to care about humans for some reason, they have to stop the monsters that are killing the humans for some reason. But they’re diverse, which is nice. Gemma Chan tries her best to remain stoic as the group leader, and Kumail Nanjiani dances as fast as he can as the comic relief. Angelina Jolie, a big movie star, has almost nothing to do. One wonders, when they’re standing in a half circle deciding what to do, why they don’t ask the big movie star. The big movie star ALWAYS knows what to do. But she’s kinda checked out, standing there in her pretty costume and her pretty hair, and just thinking about other stuff. As they’re fighting supernatural forces, there’s a goofy, middle-aged, Bollywood videographer following them around. He’s, like, the MAN. I want to know about HIM.