Traitor

Don Cheadle’s excellent in his version of Bourne Identity. Some of the twists are familiar, while others come so far out of the blue, they don’t even seem possible. Guy Pearce is solid as the g-man trying to unlock Cheadle’s motives. But it’s the motives of some of the other, minor characters we’re left not understanding. And those are the important ones, since they’re the people who strap bombs to themselves.

The House Bunny

Everyone knows: I likes me the Anna Faris. The House Bunny is overly familiar in every possible way. But it succeeds by perfecting one essential movie-making component – delivery. And that is all thanks to Anna Faris. The Revenge of the Nerds plot with a Sparticus ending is the weak crust that barely holds the gooey confection inside. But when it’s all delivered on a delicate tightrope act balancing between dumb blonde and well-meaning big sister, the situations are funny and the laughs are plentiful. I didn’t grow as a person. But I reinforced my belief in Anna, who I believe has the comic timing of a master. A master of comic timing, I guess. If there is such a thing. Which there isn’t. But if there was…

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Sucks this movie does. See it you should not. Backwards Yoda talks. Annoying it is. Never discussed the “force” is. Waiting in the wings, never to help, R2-D2 is. Horribly conceived and written the character of Ahsoka is. A Jedi she is not. Terrible the animation is. Of wood Obi-Wan’s beard is made. Stupid it looks. This movie, if you must, see, but gouge your eyes out you will.

Tropic Thunder

The first twenty minutes of this movie I laughed almost non-stop. Ben Stiller et al have made a really funny satire about a very easy target: actors. Downey comes-off the best, nailing the smug confusion of his method actor character perfectly. His “full retard” scene with Stiller is outrageously funny, and so true it may hit certain actors too close to home. Tom Cruise also fares well, even though I wonder, is it funny? Or is it funny just because it’s Cruise? It’s really so strong because it prioritizes the joke over everything else, especially political correctness. It commits to the bit. My gratitude for that commitment alone was worth the price of admission.

The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

An unmitigated disaster. The dialogue was so bad, it made my ears bleed. The premise - the reason to make the movie - was flawed to the core. It's simple math. Why take an actor, Brendan Frasier, born in 1968, and try to convince an audience he has a college-aged son, played terribly by actor Luke Ford, who was born in 1981. (and looks older than that!) Why have the son at all? And why cast a 27 year old! It's ridiculous. Shia LaBeouf looks 10 years younger than Luke Ford, and he plays the son of Harrison Ford, who's at least 60! So you see what I'm saying. No wonder Rachel Weiss skipped the whole thing. She comes out looking like the genius in all of this. You can convince me Jet Li is a supernatural mummy. You can convince me Michelle Yeoh is an immortal witch. If you're lucky, maybe you can convince me yetis are benevolent creatures. But you just can't convince me Brendan Frasier and Maria Bello have a 27-year-old son. Yeesh! (By the way, I liked the other two movies. They were bad, but in a fun way.)

Also, the one-liners in this are so terrible they seem as if they were written by someone who was trying to destroy the reputations of all writers everywhere throughout history. Like their goal was to sabotage and eliminate the profession of screenwriter, for some larger evil purpose.

Everyone but the costume designer phoned this in. Holy crap. I need a shower.

Hole in a Paper Sky

For the first time in the two-and-a-half year history of this blog, I’m reviewing a short film. But only because it deserves it. Producers Jessica Biel & Michelle Purple, Director Bill Purple, and screenwriter Howard Kingkade could teach a master class in the often ignored filmmaking dictum “keep it simple.” Deep subtext and emotion can be raised from the simplest of stories, like here, where a lonely man falls in love with a dog. It's a simple story, beautifully executed, without a cynical bone in it’s whole body. Unabashedly sentimental. Nice too, to see the emotion so thoroughly trump the logic. You never stop and ask how certain coincidences happen. You’re just too wrapped up in that damned dog. Outstanding and Inspiring. (I said in my review of Chuck and Larry: Biel deserves better. This. This is better.)

Pineapple Express

Starts out well with James Franco stealing the show almost immediately as the gourmet pot dealer who needs a friend. But the Apatow/Rogen/Ferrell/Vaughn/Stiller “merry men” formula breaks down after a while, since most of the various thugs and side characters fail to get the supporting laughs needed to back-up their apt leads. The exception to this, Danny McBride, manages to mine the rare laugh or two out of the lengthy action sequences that become less funny and more tedious as the movie wears on. Still, it’s worth seeing, I suppose, if only to watch Franco’s dopey face when he realizes, as a drug dealer, he only has customers, and what he needs is friends.