The Foot Fist Way

Goofy and forgettable underdog tale about a guy pretty good at tae-kwon-do but terrible at everything else that requires any human interaction. There were admirable cost-cutting devices and a game supporting cast, and the revenge aspects to the story were satisfying, but the movie’s just not that funny. A big problem was, the public screening I went to was filled with cast and crew trying to give the movie a boost. And the dweeb sitting next to me would start laughing BEFORE the joke -- like he’d seen the movie so many times that he could anticipate the laugh. Man, that was annoying.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

2nd Viewing in one day. Yes, I am a dork.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Thoroughly enjoyable and exciting. Everyone is in top form. The plot, unfortunately, gets a little confusing and there are some loose ends left hanging. Where was the scene where they apologize to Indiana Jones for accusing him of being a communist? Also, the connection between the red-scare stuff in the first part of the script, and the UFO stuff from the second part doesn’t jibe. Shouldn’t red-scare paranoia and fear of communist mind-control lead Indiana to draw some conclusions about the ultimate intention of UFOs? It doesn’t, unfortunately. Nevertheless, it’s like wearing a freshly-laundered pair of your favorite underwear. It’s clean, it’s fresh, there might be a couple of holes, but you know it’s going to be comfortable and there won’t be any surprises.

The Fall

Admirable fairy-tale with well-acted bookends. The story-within-a-story didn’t make a lot of sense. But according to Alex Hillkurtz that may have been the point. No matter what, amazing locations and a vast imagination is on display.

Speed Racer

Not as bad as everyone is saying. It’s way, way too long, but there is some interesting filmmaking here and some surprising performances, considering it’s practically “Beowulf” it’s so far from reality. At one point, to my delight, it actually went full-blown, balls-out, “2001” hallucinogenic. Hilarious. If only it was shorter.

Postal

Imagine George Carlin telling a joke. Now imagine that same joke as told by a humorless German nerd in broken English. Not so funny right? Uwe Boll, the German director notoriously branded one of the worst in movie history tries to tell a lot of jokes in his latest movie Postal. And they all fall really flat. Like “crickets” flat.

So when I hear that there’s a free screening of the worst director in the world’s new movie, and the worst director in the world is going to BE THERE for Q&A, how can I resist? There are genuinely ballsy attempts at satire here, mostly criticizing violent American movies. There are moments of true tastelessness played for comedy that COULD have been brilliant: during a botched heist, innocent bystanders get picked-off during a shoot-out. And they erupt in a slow-motion hail of bullets, à la John Woo. But they’re CHILDREN! During the same heist, gun-toting, bikini-clad hench-women are dispatched to “seduce” and “distract” ominous guards. They return smeared with body fluids, including poo. And the jewel in the crown: a live cat is used as an impromptu gun silencer.

What’s sad is, it’s not so much that Uwe Boll’s ideas are terrible and unfunny. Tasteless can work. Ask John Waters. It’s that there’s no irony. He’s not "in" on the joke. He doesn’t realize he’s so terrible. Which takes you out of “fun Ed Wood territory”, and into “awkward nerd who thinks he’s funny” territory. So the whole thing goes over like grandma farting at church. Sure, it seems like it might be funny. Until it happens. Then it’s not so funny. It’s just sad.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

I can't really give this movie a fair critique, since there was a crying baby during half the movie (A 10:20 PM, R-Rated show!), and a fat, snoring man during the other half. So it SEEMED like a movie I might've liked. There were lots of dirty jokes, and there was lots of nudity. Seemed like it might have been fun. But I can't really give it a fair shake. I CAN, however, give my review of Grauman's Chinese: !%@*?#\!

Iron Man

Robert Downey Jr. and Jon Favreau did an excellent job here, keeping the pace perfect and the action exciting. Supporting players are serviceable with roles that are thankless. But Downey really barrels through this like a runaway truck and has a great time doing it. Also, though it’s a super-hero movie, you can’t help thinking about the larger context. There’s no caped supervillains. No Lex Luthor. Iron Man heads to Afghanistan, and kicks some terrorist ass, evoking cheers from the opening-night crowd. But a millionaire genius arms dealer who protects the world from Afghanis? The concept seems a little nostalgic in today’s “preemptive strike”, “shock and awe” climate.