Doug's Favorite Movies of 2008

Forgetting Sara Marshall
The Wrestler
Slumdog Millionaire
Teeth
Wall-E
Gran Torino
Quarantine
Choke
Burn After Reading
Tropic Thunder
Kung Fu Panda

Honorable Mention:

Doubt
The Dark Knight
Hole in a Paper Sky
The Bank Job
Zombie Strippers
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
The Brothers Bloom

Special Category: Love, Hate, Great & Terrible:

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Doubt

Like There Will Be Blood last year and Notes on a Scandal the year before, Doubt showcases the highest (or deepest) levels of technique. I’ve been known to criticize ambiguity, because it’s often used as an excuse to justify lame storytelling. But in this case, the movie’s called Doubt, so I’ll give it the benefit. And the ambiguity here is sublime, driven by the great performances shrouded with subtlety. The many close-ups are filled with stern faces, trying but failing brilliantly to restrain innuendo. Thankfully, too, the movie plays more like a thriller than an unsavory drama. The potential creepy, rapey-ness of the story is almost invisible. The moral rests in the capable hands of Amy Adams’ Sister James, who even at the bitter end finds her faith in the goodness of humanity to be more powerful than her doubt.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Cluttered with sub-plots, it strays too far from the key relationship for lengthy periods. Ideally, it would enrich a saga to fill in backgrounds and back-stories. But here, it’s done at the expense of some key eras, shortened or left-out of the movie entirely. As I watched, I couldn’t wait for Benjamin’s high school years. How would Fincher/Pitt/Blanchette approach Benjamin’s life-long wisdom, as he is trapped in the body of a teenager? He would have to be schooled, right? It would be illegal if he weren’t. They glossed COMPLETELY over this very impressionable part of a person’s life, as well as others I won’t divulge. So it was frustrating. They violated David Lynch’s number one rule: pay attention to the doughnut, not the hole. It’s not a bad movie. It just could have been much, much better and still have a shorter running time.

Frost/Nixon

It’s a fantastic history lesson. (Not as good as Milk, but still…) The acting is superb by everyone, including Patty McCormack! The filmmaking is consummate. But I had trouble connecting with this emotionally. I walked away from The Queen with a clear idea of the theme. But here, I’m not so sure what to take away. Nixon wasn’t such a bad guy??

Revolutionary Road

I know, I know. I’m supposed to like this kind of thing. I WANTED to like it. It’s Sam Mendes. It’s Kate and Leo. It’s got oodles of merit and pedigree. But it took too long to become honest, and the stilted, blue-blooded socialites, the people “Frank” and “April” believed they were supposed to be, started to drive me crazy after a while. Thankfully, mid-way through, a truly honest character barges onto the screen. Michael Shannon’s wise, electro-shocked malcontent swoops in like The Dark Knight and tears everybody a new one. I wish the whole movie was about THAT guy. It’s skillfully made, superbly acted, but it just didn’t do it for me. If I wanted to watch people argue for two and a half hours, I’d rent Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

The Reader

Kate Winslet was great in this, of course, and I was pleasantly surprised that it went in some unexpected directions. However, I was a little disappointed in the Ralph Finnes flashback structure. He was so dour and somber, I just wanted Winslet back on the screen. (And not just because of all the nudity.) It seems to be a movie struggling to break free from the constraints of the source novel. And it’s very British in that way that there’s drama found in characters ALMOST doing things. In spite the gloomy final third, I found this worthwhile if only for Winslet and the clever plot shifts.

Gran Torino

What would “Dirty Harry” be like as a grumpy old man? Gran Torino fashions such a caricature of that old coot that at one point he actually barks, “You kids get off my lawn!” But the surprising screenplay by Nick Schenk skillfully and carefully eases Eastwood’s overt bigot through a lesson of tolerance. The script walks the finest of lines, spewing racial slurs, but delivering them from mouth of a sympathetic boor. And in context, Eastwood manages to land these offenses as laughs. There are more laughs in Gran Torino than in most comedies. How did they do it? Racism isn’t supposed to be funny. Ask Michael Richards. This could have gone down in flames. But the first few times Eastwood calls the neighbor a “zip” there’s a nervous mumble from the crowd. By the end, every one of Eastwood’s racist tirades gets a roar like an Apatow comedy. I’m not 100% sure why it works. Just like I’m not sure why Tropic Thunder’s “full retard” scene nearly gave me a hernia. I would like to think that this means some taboos will be a little less taboo, and easier to discuss in the public discourse. So if a writer writes about race relations it doesn’t automatically make them a racist. Or, maybe Clint’s just funnier than we thought. Anyway, it's a hell of a lot better than Changeling.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Keanu’s perfectly cast for this and the movie grabs you right away, skillfully showing the terrifying urgency of how an alien encounter might be handled behind the scenes. Jennifer Connelly stoically services the story in her impossibly pretty way and for a while there it seems like it’s all going to be okay. Then we start to get to know her son, played by Jaden Pinket-Smith and it all starts to go down hill. He’s the most hate-able little fucker to roll up on the big screen since Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds. He was ungrateful, bratty, and had all the subtlety of a flying brick. I hated his hair! To be fair, the script is partially to blame, creating such an unlikable little bastard. It would be a tough character for anybody to take on, much less a child actor. And so much of the story rests on this kid, all engines fail very quickly. There is also a really frustrating negligence of logic near the end that completely nullifies the neat opening. There are some things to like here. Keanu’s perfectly nestled in his sci-fi element. And there’s some nifty robotic locusts that show up at one point. But yow! The ending was a dud.

Milk

Sean Penn is outstanding in what is otherwise a “straightforward” bio-pic. The cast of characters ends up being far more interesting than the plot itself, which is comprised of slightly disjointed episodes. The movie takes too long to introduce Dan White, a key figure in Harvey Milk’s life, well-portrayed by Josh Brolin. I wonder if the story would have been better served if Van Sant and company began the movie with the introduction of Dan White and went on from there. Nevertheless, the acting is top-notch and it introduced me to an amazing event in history that I new absolutely NOTHING about.

Transporter 3

A phoned-in action sequel. Statham’s likable, but hardly present. The karate’s so cutty, it’s difficult to enjoy the choreography. Adequate, but barely.

The Punisher

Indeed.

Slumdog Millionaire

Directors Danny Boyle & Loveleen Tandan and writer Simon Beaufoy have delivered a love-letter to the art of making movies. They show me India like I’ve never seen it, modern, hyper-kinetic, and heartbreakingly Dickensian. It’s just about everything you could want in a movie. In spite of incredible odds, the hero Jamal somehow remains optimistic. The villains are ruthless scoundrels. The love is unrequited, boundless, and heroically unconsummated. It’s beautifully shot and made with such manic care, it’s as though Boyle and company were possessed by the spirit of David Lean on a Red Bull binge. The result is a feast. Even with an expected conclusion, it’s completely surprising and totally original. I don’t see how this COULDN’T get a best picture nomination.

Twilight

What if Judy Blume wrote a vampire book? "Are you there God? It's me, Bella?" This is a weepy, sappy melodrama bereft of conflict, so much so that the thin plot contrives a villain two-thirds in just to create some jeopardy. Robert Pattinson fares well as the emo vampire, but Kristen Stewart sulks and pouts enough to make you wonder what the hell Edward sees in her in the first place. For that matter, why would Edward bother going to high school at all? He says it's because he can stay in town longer, but any job at Starbucks would accomplish the same thing. I could feel the women in the audience swoon at certain key points -- it reminds me of this decade’s Legends of the Fall. But beyond the swoon-factor for the ladies there’s very little to recommend.

Last Chance Harvey

Before Sunrise in London for "people of a certain age." Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson are both extremely likeable pros, and manage to pull off a bit of unlikely chemistry. But I always felt like I was about ten seconds ahead of the plot, so it seemed very predictable. Maybe that’s a good thing? Nevertheless, it’s deeply-rooted in its belief that no one should ever give up on romance. (But, then again, maybe romance only exists in schmaltzy movies like this…)

Quantum of Solace

I can’t really give this a fair review. There was an altercation in the theater that distracted me and threw off my mojo. But of what I saw, it felt a little too “Bond Identity” and not enough Casino Royale. I missed Martin Campbell’s wide shots and long takes. And though she’s stunning, Olga Kurylenko has all the charisma of a bucket of sand. (The generic script is partially to blame.) Mathieu Amalric slithers around with the best of the Bond villains, but there’s no WAY he could go the distance with Bond in hand-to-hand. I wanted to like it, so I’ll give it another chance.

Casino Royale

My third theatrical screening. Still impressive. Expository dialogue during the poker scene is still hilarious. Martin Campbell still impresses with dramatic wide shots and long takes. And above all, it’s Eva Green as the young, in-over-her-head accountant Vesper Lynd. She’s vulnerable, but not a victim, and she’s imposing without knowing a shred of karate.

Captain Abu Raed

BEAUTIFULLY directed by Amin Matalqua. I was grateful for a dark twist near the end. It was on its way to becoming the Arabian Big Fish, which wouldn’t be a bad thing, but Amin’s personality comes out a little more thanks to the final minutes. A special mention goes to Nadim Sawalha, a sturdy supporting player of numerous “Arab guy” roles for years, including a couple of Bond movies and Ishtar. His strong performance, along with the deft filmmaking, gives Jordan’s foreign film selection a good chance at an Oscar nomination.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

The girl from Spy Kids, “Giles” from Buffy, opera star Sarah Brightman, vacuous socialite Paris Hilton, the lead singer of “Skinny Puppy” and Paul Sorvino in a futuristic, post-apocalyptic rock-opera about a blood-thirsty repo-man who butchers deadbeat recipients of human organs who don’t pay their bills? From the director of Saw 2, 3, & 4? That AGAIN? That old chestnut?? Come on, Lionsgate! Be original, for once!

(Not recommended for children or the squeamish.)

Changeling

More or less a glorified “Lifetime” movie. Angelina Jolie cries in every scene. Clint Eastwood was the wrong director for this movie, and the moments that needed a light touch are handled with the subtlety of a jackhammer. You know there’s a problem when it’s based on a true story, yet the whole thing feel histrionic and preposterous. If something really happened, it shouldn’t be treated like a cliché. The movie leaves many unanswered questions, too. It’s well-shot, but it could have used the delicate hands of Ang Lee or Paul Greengrass.

Role Models

C+. A suitable comedy with some decent rated-R laughs and snappy one-liners from Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd. There’s also a funny plot-departure into the bizarre world of medieval role-playing, and a radically outlandish performance from Jane Lynch with what could have been a run-of-the-mill foil.

The Wrestler

In my short history of blogging, I’ve never come across a movie so difficult to review. I’m self-conscious because I can’t possibly, in a few words, heap the kind of praise of which this film is worthy without seeming insincere; a Will Ferrell as James Lipton, praise-showering phony.

In previous reviews, I’ve admired Daniel Day-Lewis for his amazing technique, George Clooney for his unlikely vulnerability, and I’ve admired Christian Bale, among others, for his willingness to transform physically for a role. All skills that, when employed in the right movie, can make for a great performance. Here, Mickey Rourke has managed to pull-off ALL THREE qualities, and with The Wrestler has given a portrayal for the ages. Not to mention that he’s Mickey Rourke, so he comes to the table with all kinds of baggage, and we come to the theater with all kinds expectations of who we think he is. But he embodies his character so completely that he tears down all those expectations and redefines himself as an actor. See?? Now it seems like I’m trying to sound important.

Marisa Tomei is the Wrestler’s emotional counterpart. She also gives the performance of a lifetime as, believe it or not, the stripper with a heart of gold. Like him, she’s heartbreakingly vulnerable as she struggles in a career that prioritizes youth, and for her audience of young men, she pretends to be something she is not.

The Wrestler is unlike any of Aronofsky’s other movies. With screenwriter Robert D. Siegel, they’ve paid loving homage to the touchstone sports metaphors: Rocky, Raging Bull, and even a little bit of The Champ. It’s devastatingly sad, but the tone modulates well, making small victories all the more poignant. There’s enough here to make a grown man cry. Ten-fold. It makes me wonder where Mickey Rourke has been all this time. (Sin City, I guess.) But then again, perhaps everything he’s done up until now has led him to this movie, the one for which he’ll be remembered forever.

Poundcake

This likable low-budget comedy actually plays it pretty safe. The feuding siblings, drifting through life, trying to detect their own purpose, is a worthwhile canvass for some easy laughs. Unfortunately, it almost smothers itself in its mid-80’s soundtrack. Still, it’s not all that profound, but the cast makes it watchable.

Until the Light Takes Us

Accomplishes a very important goal. It introduces us to a world and a subculture that we have never seen before. In the early 90’s in Norway, the founders of a heavy metal movement called black metal got completely carried away and started burning down churches and killing each other. It’s not so much that it’s a skillfully made doc, it withholds information for too long attempting to create false suspense. But it opens a window to a teeny-tiny part of our world we would never know about otherwise. It’s VH1s "Behind the Music", but distilled, supercharged and atomic-powered.

The Brothers Bloom

Cut from the Wes Anderson cloth, it’s a sweet comedy with sharp performances and perfectly-timed gags. The zany tone eventually gives way to the con-artist plot, which is fine. There are fun twists and a genuine romance between Adrian Brody and the always luminous Rachel Weisz. An excellent follow-up to Brick which was a favorite of mine.

Zach and Miri Make a Porno

What if Bowfinger was a porno? Kevin Smith is really a romantic at heart and this silly, simple movie hit all the right romantic notes. It’s firmly rooted in that fantasyland where a doofus like Seth Rogen actually has a chance with Elizabeth Banks. There is no AIDS. And the ensemble of supporting misfits, a necessity of the genre, aren’t sleazy porn people, but lovable and sincere. The only thing slightly realistic is the language. Let’s be honest, this is really the way people talk. Anybody who pretends to be offended is a liar. But Smith and company really try for a theme: respect the reasons why someone loves you and honor them. If someone loves you for your good qualities, don’t forego those qualities just to prove to someone you don’t love them. There’s no reason to live up to impossible expectations, just embrace the good qualities of yourself; the things that make people love you. Smith is cozy in this milieu and tells his best stories here. And I firmly believe that the most romantic movies these days aren’t the Richard Gere/Diane Lane kissing on the beach movies, but the frank, hard “R” sex comedies. Forgetting Sara Marshal, Choke, and this. This is where the bravest and truest things are being said about love.

Pride and Glory

Plenty of… ACTING! But the script and story are completely stilted because of horribly expositional dialogue.
“Hey, Ed Norton! How’s your sister?"
"Who? The one who was in the horrible car accident last year? The one who lost her hand then divorced her husband? The one who resents me for my success? Oh, she’s fine.”
Lots of cop jargon and police-drama clichés make this a big, smelly disappointment.

W.

Josh Brolin is great as the child who’s in over his head. All the performances are strong from Jeffrey Wright’s subtle Colin Powell to Thandie Newton’s hilariously cartoonish Condoleeza Rice. The problem is, how do you end this movie? There’s no result. It’s a lot like the Bush presidency. How many times is he going to screw up before it ends? The movie doesn’t feel like it’s building toward anything dramatically. Also, it skips over major misdeeds in the Bush presidency, which is unfortunate but necessary. There are only so many hours. Nevertheless, it’s satisfying to see Oliver Stone and a cast of great actors turn the screws a bit. But it barely eases the sting from eight years of havoc.

Quarantine

…contributes few original ideas to the zombie lexicon, but it’s directed and acted as voraciously as the best of the bunch. I nearly peed myself. Much of its success is due to the first-rate performance of Jennifer Carpenter. Her hysteria was so authentic, it made up for weak third act during which the few survivors lack a plan and just kind of flail around. The Blair Witch/Cloverfield P.O.V. camera was less annoying than its predecessors, mainly because the camera operator was meant to be a news videographer with a keen eye. Long, kinetic takes create great suspense and allow for real scares. Not the false, “it’s-only-the-cat” fake-outs typical in the genre, but truly tense scenes. So, it’s not Shakespeare. But it’s well-made and worth seeing.

RocknRolla

Fun, but not laugh-out-loud funny. It seems like every cast member has an English accent from a different region of Britain. Not that Guy Ritchie was trying to showcase diversity or anything. He’s more determined than ever to spin a bona-fide crime-fiction yarn. The plot is the most cohesive of any of his movies, even though it’s primarily focused on one objet d'art which, though unseen, serves its purpose as a ridiculously valuable McGuffin. The cast is strong and the pace is brisk. But the hi jinx of previous Ritchie movies has been dialed-back significantly here. That could either be a good thing or a bad thing.

Religulous

Bill Maher is better when he asks a lot of tough questions without condescending to his subjects. When he starts to debate, he comes off as a dick, although many of his ”dick” moments are admittedly funny. Maher leaves many of the world’s religions completely out of the mix as he focuses on the fundamentalists -- those who use their religions to manipulate, deceive or to justify war. It’s scary how many “Christians” believe the end of days will come in our lifetime, and they are they only ones who will be saved. It’s also scary to hear some of the Islamic scholars deny that there is anyone using their beliefs as an excuse to eradicate the Jews. As I’ve always said: denial ain’t just a river in England. It’s a movie that needed to be made, but he should have kept it funny. It gets a little “preachy” at the end, which is kind of pointless, since anybody who buys a ticket is already converted.

The Matrix

Few movies in history have managed to encapsulate the high and low art of comic books so thoroughly as The Matrix. It’s an almost perfect hybrid of kung fu and sci-fi, gun-fetishism and spirituality, carnality and philosophy. Granted, it’s philosophy 101. But still, very few movies so determined to entertain also dare to be genuinely profound. It’s fun to have your mind blown, as I did again when Neo realizes: when he is loved in his real world, he can do anything in his dream world -- even stop bullets and, at last, as the chorus sings, see the matrix.

Choke

Many reviewers claimed Choke is nihilistic and perverse. I thought it was the EXACT OPPOSITE. I thought it was romantic and optimistic. I LIKED THIS. This movie has a big heart at its core, and the skilled, earnest portrayal of a struggling man by Sam Rockwell. As funny as it is, it’s never hysterically, laugh-out-loud funny because there’s a deep, poignant thread running through the whole story. I was genuinely rooting for the flawed hero as he tries to reconcile with his dying mother while he believes there might be a chance to save her. Yes, the “solution” to saving his mother is perverse; a terribly (ah-hem) “ill-conceived” plan, but that just helps us understand and really care about Rockwell’s hilariously misguided character. It’s a really honest depiction of a screwed up guy with a true need to change his life. Choke is honest about sex and about love, and dares to dip a big toe into an ocean of uncharted taboos.

Miracle at St. Anna

I stopped counting how many times during the 2 hour and 40 minute running time I smacked myself on the head and thought, “Spike! What are you THINKING!?” This is a mess. It’s hard to know who the main character is or what they want. Normally in these movies the g.i.s need to blow up a bridge or take a hill. But there’s a lot of weird, meaningless scenes here. Probably taken from the book. And it’s never clear what the hell’s going on! There are some decent performances, but as a whole this is a mess. Very frustrating.

Ghost Town

A very familiar retread of Ghost and The Sixth Sense, but the likable cast makes it work. It’s funny in all the right places and sentimental enough without being syrupy. A wholly pleasant movie.

Lakeview Terrace

I expected trashy, but this mish-mash of Cape Fear & Crash lacks any through-line. Sometimes it’s suspenseful, and sometimes it seems like the characters can’t remember what happened in the preceding scene. Sam Jackson’s coming at them with a chainsaw one minute, the next minute they’re all chummy having drinks. The script feels like a product of development meetings. Some adolescent USC grads trying to get their newbie fingerprints on a script to prove they’re valuable to their boss. (i.e. parents’ tennis buddy.) In the late 80’s and early 90’s these kinds of thrillers were a dime a dozen. Here, they fail to spice up the recipe by trying to make the villain sympathetic. It’s too bad it couldn’t be what it wanted to be about: racism.

Burn After Reading

Second viewing.

It was nice to hear the final scene again, and behold J.K. Simmons as he wonders, "What did we learn?" Some CIA suit trying to find the meaning of it all. Brilliant.

Righteous Kill

Old cops pontificating about the "job." All of the action is offscreen so the movie won't reveal who the killer is, which is shoddy execution that is dangerously boring. I still believe in Carla Gugino and I think she has yet to play her definitive part. As for Pacino and DeNiro: Grumpy Old Men 3?

Burn After Reading

A perfect serving of Coens lunacy. At one point John Malkovich as the bitter CIA analyst accuses another character of being in a “league of morons.” That would almost make a better title. Everyone in this movie is either selfish, crazy, stupid, paranoid or some combination of all four. Everyone’s motives are misguided and idiotic, but never totally evil. However, the consequences of their idiocy and paranoia are deadly, which is why this movie MUST take place in Washington D.C. What’s amazing about this is the tone gradually and expertly transforms from a straight-faced farce to an outright lunatic binge. The transformation is so elegantly invisible, by the final scene I was in hysterics, laughing retroactively at the impossibly tangled web. Everyone in the cast is great, but J.K. Simmons and David Rasche are standouts as the bureaucrats trying to make sense of it all.

Bottle Shock

Sideways wasn’t about wine. It was about Paul Giamatti. Wine was just the setting. Wine was the metaphor. Bottle Shock tries to be about the actual fields of grapes themselves, so the characters take a back seat. Some of the performances are weird, and the plot meanders from character to character. The movie’s drowning in b-roll. Endless helicopter shots of Napa Valley slow the pace to a crawl. The movie’s never sure what it wants to be. Artificial suspense is inserted unskillfully to keep the audience awake until the very predictable conclusion. It’s not a bad movie, really. It’s like a glass of “two-buck Chuck.” You can drink it, but you can’t really recommend it.

Traitor

Don Cheadle’s excellent in his version of Bourne Identity. Some of the twists are familiar, while others come so far out of the blue, they don’t even seem possible. Guy Pearce is solid as the g-man trying to unlock Cheadle’s motives. But it’s the motives of some of the other, minor characters we’re left not understanding. And those are the important ones, since they’re the people who strap bombs to themselves.

The House Bunny

Everyone knows: I likes me the Anna Faris. The House Bunny is overly familiar in every possible way. But it succeeds by perfecting one essential movie-making component – delivery. And that is all thanks to Anna Faris. The Revenge of the Nerds plot with a Sparticus ending is the weak crust that barely holds the gooey confection inside. But when it’s all delivered on a delicate tightrope act balancing between dumb blonde and well-meaning big sister, the situations are funny and the laughs are plentiful. I didn’t grow as a person. But I reinforced my belief in Anna, who I believe has the comic timing of a master. A master of comic timing, I guess. If there is such a thing. Which there isn’t. But if there was…

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Sucks this movie does. See it you should not. Backwards Yoda talks. Annoying it is. Never discussed the “force” is. Waiting in the wings, never to help, R2-D2 is. Horribly conceived and written the character of Ahsoka is. A Jedi she is not. Terrible the animation is. Of wood Obi-Wan’s beard is made. Stupid it looks. This movie, if you must, see, but gouge your eyes out you will.

Tropic Thunder

The first twenty minutes of this movie I laughed almost non-stop. Ben Stiller et al have made a really funny satire about a very easy target: actors. Downey comes-off the best, nailing the smug confusion of his method actor character perfectly. His “full retard” scene with Stiller is outrageously funny, and so true it may hit certain actors too close to home. Tom Cruise also fares well, even though I wonder, is it funny? Or is it funny just because it’s Cruise? It’s really so strong because it prioritizes the joke over everything else, especially political correctness. It commits to the bit. My gratitude for that commitment alone was worth the price of admission.

The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

An unmitigated disaster. The dialogue was so bad, it made my ears bleed. The premise - the reason to make the movie - was flawed to the core. It's simple math. Why take an actor, Brendan Frasier, born in 1968, and try to convince an audience he has a college-aged son, played terribly by actor Luke Ford, who was born in 1981. (and looks older than that!) Why have the son at all? And why cast a 27 year old! It's ridiculous. Shia LaBeouf looks 10 years younger than Luke Ford, and he plays the son of Harrison Ford, who's at least 60! So you see what I'm saying. No wonder Rachel Weiss skipped the whole thing. She comes out looking like the genius in all of this. You can convince me Jet Li is a supernatural mummy. You can convince me Michelle Yeoh is an immortal witch. If you're lucky, maybe you can convince me yetis are benevolent creatures. But you just can't convince me Brendan Frasier and Maria Bello have a 27-year-old son. Yeesh! (By the way, I liked the other two movies. They were bad, but in a fun way.)

Also, the one-liners in this are so terrible they seem as if they were written by someone who was trying to destroy the reputations of all writers everywhere throughout history. Like their goal was to sabotage and eliminate the profession of screenwriter, for some larger evil purpose.

Everyone but the costume designer phoned this in. Holy crap. I need a shower.

Hole in a Paper Sky

For the first time in the two-and-a-half year history of this blog, I’m reviewing a short film. But only because it deserves it. Producers Jessica Biel & Michelle Purple, Director Bill Purple, and screenwriter Howard Kingkade could teach a master class in the often ignored filmmaking dictum “keep it simple.” Deep subtext and emotion can be raised from the simplest of stories, like here, where a lonely man falls in love with a dog. It's a simple story, beautifully executed, without a cynical bone in it’s whole body. Unabashedly sentimental. Nice too, to see the emotion so thoroughly trump the logic. You never stop and ask how certain coincidences happen. You’re just too wrapped up in that damned dog. Outstanding and Inspiring. (I said in my review of Chuck and Larry: Biel deserves better. This. This is better.)

Pineapple Express

Starts out well with James Franco stealing the show almost immediately as the gourmet pot dealer who needs a friend. But the Apatow/Rogen/Ferrell/Vaughn/Stiller “merry men” formula breaks down after a while, since most of the various thugs and side characters fail to get the supporting laughs needed to back-up their apt leads. The exception to this, Danny McBride, manages to mine the rare laugh or two out of the lengthy action sequences that become less funny and more tedious as the movie wears on. Still, it’s worth seeing, I suppose, if only to watch Franco’s dopey face when he realizes, as a drug dealer, he only has customers, and what he needs is friends.

Step Brothers

Silly. Frivolous. Bursts of hilarity, but not consistently funny. Three endings. Two of them were good. Impressive array of supporting improvisers including Kathryn Hahn, Andrea Savage, & Gillian Vigman. A kitchen sink comedy –- throw everything in and hope people laugh at something.

Journey to the Center of the Earth

The 3-D effects were stunning and flawless. The script? Eh… Not so much. The story’s really corny. But, it’s a fun and gimmicky family movie, and the 3-D is the best part about it. (Better than Captain EO!) So, see it in 3-D or don’t see it at all. Never, never watch it on video.

The X Files - I Want to Believe

It’s nice to see Mulder and Scully again, but the truth is, this isn’t more than a serviceable two-part episode. It lacks scope. When the creepy premise finally comes to light, they never show you the “monster.” So it’s just not very exciting. Anderson and Duchovny embody their characters and bring their “A” games. But Chris Carter as a director stumbles because he neglects to show us the “money shot.” I didn’t hate it, but I can’t recommend it.

The Dark Knight

Second viewing in one day. This should surprise no one.

The Dark Knight

(WARNING: Spoiler-rific!)

Chris Nolan and the Batman cast and crew finally bring the brutality that’s been in the comics for many years to theatres. It’s an ambitious and noble effort filled with highly elevated themes and a complicated crime-drama plot out of the Michael Mann/Scorsese playbook. Nolan et al regard the source material more highly than any of the previous incarnations and it gives you a lump in your throat to see Batman portrayed with such dignity.

There’s a lot of hullabaloo about Heath Ledger, and yes he’s great, but it’s not the second coming. He gets a great script to work with, he gets the great, freaky-ass make-up, and he gets about 68 years of comic-book villain appearances to draw from. So the legend should get some of the credit for his eerie performance. The most nuanced and most difficult performance here is Gary Oldman’s Commissioner Gordon. Joker’s a straight line. Gordon has to dance around his alliance with Batman, distrust yet humor everyone in the Gotham P.D., plead for the lives of his kids, and even get slugged by his duped wife. (Sensationally portrayed by Melinda McGraw!)

Where the movie faults, if you want to call it that, is when logic takes a back seat so the Joker can present large-scale metaphors, engorging us with theme, when small aperitifs will do. The Joker’s evil plans are successful at first, but eventually they’re thwarted not by Batman but by the good nature of the citizens of Gotham. He doesn’t seem phased though, and it feels too easy to say that the Joker doesn’t care if his plans don’t work out because, well, he’s crazy. I missed the moment when the Joker realizes, though he succeeded in destroying the hero Harvey Dent and converting him into a psychopathic murderer, the Gotham-ites will never know. Batman’s going to absorb the heat. This bit of news should really drive the Joker (ah-hem) batty but, alas, the chapter ends. We’ll just have to hear about it in The Dark Knight Returns. Ultimately, Nolan and Batman do a little profound expanding on the definition of hero. Not only does a hero save everyone’s ass, but they also take responsibility for the foibles of weaker men, if that’s what it takes to keep the peace.

Baghead

Fun and worthwhile micro-budget comedy-relationship-horror movie. Clever, with decent performances, though some scenes drag-on despite the deceptively short 80-minute running time. Greta Gerwig stands out as a sneaky, manipulative blonde in a ditsy shell.

The Love Guru

First, let me explain why I saw this. The plan was to see Journey to the Center of the Earth. But when we got to our seats (reserved seating) there were two old ladies sitting there. We told the ushers we didn’t mind sitting in the old lady’s seats, we just needed their ticket stubs. They don’t have them. So when we go sit in their seats, people show up to tell us we’re in the wrong seats. Cut to: 10 minutes later, the ushers running around trying to find us tickets and finally we say, “Fuck it.” We get our money back and Arclight gives us a free movie for our trouble. The only thing starting soon that we hadn’t seen was The Love Guru. So…

I don’t know what to say. It was terrible. But on the positive side, it did help remind me how important the ol’ Joseph Campbell, hero’s journey archetypes are. Basic storytelling: Create a hero, upset their ordinary world, and make them want something. If Mike Meyers and company had followed some of the simplest rules of storytelling, instead of making the Love Guru an unsympathetic, unfunny, narcissistic prick, than they might not have perpetrated the catastrophe they managed to.

Hellboy 2: The Golden Army

Amazing. Beautifully designed and awesome to behold. The plot is downright goofy. One tyrant, angry at humans, wants to take over the world with giant, golden robot soldiers? Weird. Although it’s visually stunning and packed full of imagination, there’s plenty of humanity, too. Of all things, you’ll leave the movie humming Barry Manilow and might regard the best scene in the show as the “Tecate” scene.

Wackness

You know how in a movie there’s a flashback? And in the flashback the colors are all faded and everything’s really blown-out and over-exposed? Now imagine a whole movie filmed like that: in “flashback cam.” Once again, like Hancock, the masturbatory cinematography undermines the entire story. Too, Wackness tries so hard to be cool by injecting every band and every pop-culture reference from 1994 to remind us that we’re in a flashback movie. It’s eye-rollingly bad. It’s a shame because the lead, formerly tubby child actor Josh Peck, at times believes he’s in a better movie than he really is. He’s actually able to be meaningful at times, in spite of the self-indulgent screenwriter, director, and cinematographer. Wackness is a tragedy on an epic scale, because in different hands, it might have been interesting.

Hancock

If you liked Friday Night Lights, you’ll love Hancock! (Wait. What? Hancock is like Friday Night Lights?? That doesn’t make any sense.) Unfortunately, it’s true. Peter Berg et al shot their troubled superhero movie in that hand-held, docudrama, “Cinéma vérité” feel and it just doesn’t work. There’s nothing wrong with the concept, or Will Smith, or the rest of the cast. But the shooting style is all wrong. Plot twists in the latter half might’ve worked better if they hadn’t been filmed as if Jimmy the linebacker was just paralyzed and will never play football again. It doesn’t really spoil anything to say Hancock doesn’t have his kryptonite. There’s no super-villain. Hancock’s worst enemy is himself. Seems like the same holds true for the filmmakers. Too bad. The concept’s really good. Maybe it’ll get a reboot in five years like The Hulk and maybe they won’t get a color-blind epileptic to shoot it. (Apologies to epileptic and vision-impaired readers.)

Wall-E

I know, I know. We’ve seen it before: robots with human characteristics. Robots in love. Number 5 is alive. Blade Runner. R2-D2. The loveable robot’s been done, right? Just because something’s been done, doesn’t mean there isn’t room for something to be done REALLY, REALLY well. This sublime Pixar feature understands what a “man” will go through to impress a woman who would just as soon shoot him down with a laser cannon. It scarily predicts we’re are all destined to become big, fat, wasteful slobs too dependant on technology. Wall-E understands things about love, duty and humanity. Like all good movies that anthropomorphize animals or inanimate objects, we could stand to learn a thing or two. The poignancy of Wall-E is profound. He has one job: to crush Earth waste into little cubes. He just wants to meet people. He just wants to hold hands. He’s lonely and he needs to connect, whether they’re perfect specimens like Eve, or the broken misfits who dare to be different and who help save the day anyway. 50 years from now, people will look back on this movie in amazement the way people look back on Bambi. Bet on it. So get off the phone and relate to people, before it’s too late.

Wanted

It’s an ultra-violent, hyper-real, orgy of style from the Russian dude who directed Night Watch and Day Watch. The plot is paper-thin, but the action scenes are admittedly fun; though the “training-the-assassin” bits get a little repetitive. The plot takes from Alias and the style takes from The Matrix so it’ll all be familiar: the laws of physics are ignored with Red-Bull-fueled bravado. If you like watching gun fights from the point-of-view of the bullet, turn off your brain and enjoy.

The Incredible Hulk

(2nd time)
No new revelations, but I did catch a little bit of the Ang Lee movie on TV since my first viewing of this. It’s cool! There’s STYLE. They really tried to invoke the feeling of reading a comic book with visuals, pace, and transitions. They really took a risk to try to do something cool. In this “reboot” as they call it, there are no risks. Lots of chasing, lots of fighting. Decent. But no real rewards.

Get Smart

This will be a great movie to catch on the plane in about 6 months. It’s funny, but not that funny. It’s action-packed, but not thrilling, and the cast is likeable, but by no means great. It’s enjoyable, and yet totally forgettable, which is why it’ll be a great diversion when you’re flying to Missouri or wherever.

The Incredible Hulk

Ang Lee’s been getting kicked around a lot lately. “Boo Hoo! The old hulk was too green. The new hulk is better ‘cause he’s more olive-colored and there’s more action.” Well, guess what: the Ang Lee movie was better. It’s true, there’s more fighting in the new one, but not necessarily more action. The fugitive plot is weak and lacks the stakes a comic book movie needs. There’s no end game for the villains, no evil plan. And the thing that the hero wants, he doesn’t even come close to getting. So the story’s really unsatisfying. It’s true: the fighting scenes are action-packed, but if you don’t care enough about the characters, watching two CG monsters fight is a lot like watching someone else play a videogame.

The Happening

M. Night Shymalan went from the “twist ending” to the “no ending.” This starts out well with a couple of scary and violent sequences, but it all adds up to diddly-squat. There’s no point to the movie, there’s no emotional struggle for the characters, and some of the acting is unintentionally laughable. It’s also one of those movies where the main characters don’t seem to do what is logical, but they act in accordance with what is convenient for the plot and the filmmakers. Therefore the main characters are impossible to relate to because they don’t make any rational, normal human choices, like for example, putting on a friggin’ dust mask! I reiterate, for the best, scary end-of-the-world scenario, rent The Mist.

Kung Fu Panda

Thoroughly enjoyable and delightful animated romp. Jack Black’s weird comic timing is perfectly suited for his panda alter ego. All the voice work was terrific. And it’s strange to say, but the action scenes and fights were beautifully choreographed. (It’s strange because, well, they WEREN’T choreographed, they were animated.) There’s a battle with two sets of chopsticks fighting over one dumpling that’s one of the most hilarious, creative fights I’ve ever seen. This was great.

The Foot Fist Way

Goofy and forgettable underdog tale about a guy pretty good at tae-kwon-do but terrible at everything else that requires any human interaction. There were admirable cost-cutting devices and a game supporting cast, and the revenge aspects to the story were satisfying, but the movie’s just not that funny. A big problem was, the public screening I went to was filled with cast and crew trying to give the movie a boost. And the dweeb sitting next to me would start laughing BEFORE the joke -- like he’d seen the movie so many times that he could anticipate the laugh. Man, that was annoying.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

2nd Viewing in one day. Yes, I am a dork.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

Thoroughly enjoyable and exciting. Everyone is in top form. The plot, unfortunately, gets a little confusing and there are some loose ends left hanging. Where was the scene where they apologize to Indiana Jones for accusing him of being a communist? Also, the connection between the red-scare stuff in the first part of the script, and the UFO stuff from the second part doesn’t jibe. Shouldn’t red-scare paranoia and fear of communist mind-control lead Indiana to draw some conclusions about the ultimate intention of UFOs? It doesn’t, unfortunately. Nevertheless, it’s like wearing a freshly-laundered pair of your favorite underwear. It’s clean, it’s fresh, there might be a couple of holes, but you know it’s going to be comfortable and there won’t be any surprises.

The Fall

Admirable fairy-tale with well-acted bookends. The story-within-a-story didn’t make a lot of sense. But according to Alex Hillkurtz that may have been the point. No matter what, amazing locations and a vast imagination is on display.

Speed Racer

Not as bad as everyone is saying. It’s way, way too long, but there is some interesting filmmaking here and some surprising performances, considering it’s practically “Beowulf” it’s so far from reality. At one point, to my delight, it actually went full-blown, balls-out, “2001” hallucinogenic. Hilarious. If only it was shorter.

Postal

Imagine George Carlin telling a joke. Now imagine that same joke as told by a humorless German nerd in broken English. Not so funny right? Uwe Boll, the German director notoriously branded one of the worst in movie history tries to tell a lot of jokes in his latest movie Postal. And they all fall really flat. Like “crickets” flat.

So when I hear that there’s a free screening of the worst director in the world’s new movie, and the worst director in the world is going to BE THERE for Q&A, how can I resist? There are genuinely ballsy attempts at satire here, mostly criticizing violent American movies. There are moments of true tastelessness played for comedy that COULD have been brilliant: during a botched heist, innocent bystanders get picked-off during a shoot-out. And they erupt in a slow-motion hail of bullets, à la John Woo. But they’re CHILDREN! During the same heist, gun-toting, bikini-clad hench-women are dispatched to “seduce” and “distract” ominous guards. They return smeared with body fluids, including poo. And the jewel in the crown: a live cat is used as an impromptu gun silencer.

What’s sad is, it’s not so much that Uwe Boll’s ideas are terrible and unfunny. Tasteless can work. Ask John Waters. It’s that there’s no irony. He’s not "in" on the joke. He doesn’t realize he’s so terrible. Which takes you out of “fun Ed Wood territory”, and into “awkward nerd who thinks he’s funny” territory. So the whole thing goes over like grandma farting at church. Sure, it seems like it might be funny. Until it happens. Then it’s not so funny. It’s just sad.

Harold and Kumar Escape from Guantanamo Bay

I can't really give this movie a fair critique, since there was a crying baby during half the movie (A 10:20 PM, R-Rated show!), and a fat, snoring man during the other half. So it SEEMED like a movie I might've liked. There were lots of dirty jokes, and there was lots of nudity. Seemed like it might have been fun. But I can't really give it a fair shake. I CAN, however, give my review of Grauman's Chinese: !%@*?#\!

Iron Man

Robert Downey Jr. and Jon Favreau did an excellent job here, keeping the pace perfect and the action exciting. Supporting players are serviceable with roles that are thankless. But Downey really barrels through this like a runaway truck and has a great time doing it. Also, though it’s a super-hero movie, you can’t help thinking about the larger context. There’s no caped supervillains. No Lex Luthor. Iron Man heads to Afghanistan, and kicks some terrorist ass, evoking cheers from the opening-night crowd. But a millionaire genius arms dealer who protects the world from Afghanis? The concept seems a little nostalgic in today’s “preemptive strike”, “shock and awe” climate.

Young at Heart

You can’t really lose with a concept like this. Old people singing rock and roll? It’s almost too easy. And they’re old, so someone’s bound to die. And that’s sad. So, as sweet and funny as this movie sometimes is, it made me terrified of growing old.

Turn the River

A low-budget indie starring pretty Famke Janssen as a pool hustler. Janssen is solid and sympathetic, but it’s clear the filmmakers tried to make her asexual. Unfortunate, because all I could think about during the movie was, “How come nobody in the movie notices how pretty she is?” Tone wise it’s a bit of a downer, too. But all-in-all an excellent showcase for an actor who’s used to playing superhumans to spread her dramatic wings.

Forbidden Kingdom

A really fun kung-fu dream. Beautifully filmed, expertly choreographed, and exciting. The script is paper-thin and goofy, but the sense of adventure and regard for the genre are superb.

Zombie Strippers

A new gold standard for exploitation. Filled with references to current politics, sexual and national, and hidden gems of overt existentialism. All of which is really a ruse to show lots of titties. It’s brilliant. It could have been shorter; certain running jokes and subplots start to get a little tedious. It lacks an economy of schlock. Also, unfortunately, the movie doesn’t cling to one hero. There are multiple protagonists and it’s hard to know who to root for. Nevertheless, it’s an almost perfect example of a specific kind of… um… theatre-of-the-absurd? (There’s a character named, “Ian Essko.” Get it? I did. Sort of. Or did I?)

Forgetting Sara Marshall

I can’t say enough about how good this is. The laugh-per-minute ratio is about the highest I’ve experienced since, well, The 40-Year-Old Virgin. But it’s not crude. It’s dirty, but the jokes are all contextual, and they’re spawned directly from the hapless hero’s painful situations. The pain is excruciatingly real, and you can tell the writer/star Jason Segel mined his own personal experiences; sacrificing himself for the relief of others. It’s an incredibly heartfelt and accurate account of the poor guy who has to hold the pretty girl’s purse while she goes out and lives. There’s no better example of this than the gut-wrenching comparison between the old girlfriend Kristen Bell’s bitchy reaction to the hero’s labor-of-love musical number, and the supportive applause of the newfound dreamgirl Mila Kunis. It’s a new benchmark of honesty and humiliation.

Cat City

A more appropriate title might be, “Let’s All Kick Julian Sands in the Balls!” In this desert noir, Julian Sands takes it in the jewels (metaphorically) from about every character in the movie. Poor guy! BRILLIANTLY edited by Pete Sepenuk, Cat City is a fun, low-budget crime-drama with some good performances by some of the cast, and some dodgy performances by others. Suffice to say, Rebecca Pidgeon plays the put-upon wife skillfully, and her ass looks rock-hard in a bikini.

The Battle of San Pietro/ Let There Be Light

Two documentaries produced by the War Department during World War 2 and directed by John Huston. Both were films meant to be and known to be honest depictions of the war and the psychological aftermath. During Q&A, Huston relatives and historians still insist these are unstaged and accurate docs. But they were BOTH phonier than a 3-dollar bill. Almost laughably fake.

Street Kings

Keanu Reeves is going to TAKE BACK THE STREETS! So, it's a big barrage of cop cliches, complete with the ubiquidous revenge for the slain partner, breaking every rule in the book to nab the bad guy, drinking on the job, and, of course, finding out that the conspiracy goes a lot higher than the hero imagined. Keanu embodies his characters, there's no doubt. His physicality is always imposing. And as his sidekick, Chris Evans is earnest and robust. But MAN, was this predictable. It's like it was written by a horrible, cop-drama-generating robot. It's already a Zucker brothers or Wayans brothers comedy; they don't even need to bother with the spoof. Forest Whitaker doesn't even play a human being. He's the Frankenstein monster of over-the-top, yelling, police commanders. Keanu deserves better. Maybe he should stick to sci-fi. He's never better than when he's got his feet in a big pot of water and he's staring into the eyes of a cat.

Smart People

Dennis Quaid gives this the old college try, but he’s more believable as a cowboy or a secret-service agent. He affected some “quirks” for his intellectual character that were a little too transparent. Ellen Page was okay, but the script (or something about the movie) made her desires unclear. Thank God for Thomas Heyden Church, a kazoo in an orchestra of violins. He effortlessly steals the show, and just barely pushes this movie into “worth seeing.” Otherwise, instead of Smart People, it could have been called "Dull People."

Leatherheads

The concept is winning but the tone is a mess. Is it a football history or a screwball comedy? Some of the scenes were semi-serious with moody lighting and whispery, sexy, Out of Sight-style acting. Other scenes were right out of a Howard Hawks comedy. Bold lighting, zany music, but a little slow with the snappy dialogue. Screwball comedy needs to be faster and louder. Clooney’s biggest enemy is himself here. He wants the best of both genres. Instead he gets a boring combination.

The Ruins

Surprisingly good performances in what is otherwise a sub-par, xenophobic campfire tale. There’s no cause and effect here. The “villain” isn’t what causes all the problems, so it’s hard to focus your emotion on anything tangible. However, the acting, especially by Jena Malone and Laura Ramsey, is unusually, almost incongruously good for this kind of movie. It’s worth seeing for that alone; in spite of the fact that you’ll wish, as I did, that all of this good acting could have been based on a more interesting script.

Then She Found Me

Very low-budget but likable romantic comedy directed and starring Helen Hunt. Extremely low-budget. The rushed, makeshift cinematography, sound design, and music shouldn’t be noticeable, but it is. The acting and sweetness elevates this, though, to the point where it’s tolerable.

21

Man! They fucked this up. I’m not normally that guy who’s read the book beforehand and complains when they don’t stick to the story. But they changed the races of the characters, the motives, and the story itself. This is a travesty. I may not have felt this way if I hadn’t read the book. The pace is fast and the actors are likable. But taking out the good, juicy bits, and watering them down for mass consumption? Lame.

Snow Angels

I don’t have e.s.p. I’m not one of those people who always figures out the twist ending. I like to be surprised. But in the case of Snow Angels, in my mind, I predicted EXACTLY what would happen by the mid-point, and I sat around impatiently for an hour waiting for it. The movie itself tells you what happens at the end in the first ten minutes. So I found this very frustrating. The acting by Kate Beckensale, Sam Rockwell, and the kids is all up to par and solid. But the plot and pace! Ugh. I could’ve sat there and poked myself with a tack for two hours and gotten the same emotional result.

Run Fatboy Run

I like Simon Pegg. So do the producers of this movie apparently, because they entrust EVERYTHING to him. The concept and the script are stock. The production values are minimal. The comic timing is terrible. They just hoped they’d get enough laughs out of the English comedian wearing jogging shorts that appear to be way too tight. They didn’t.

Vantage Point

At times, very well-directed and suspenseful. Doesn’t add up to very much, but I still found myself biting my nails and wanting to cheer, “Go Dennis Quaid! Go get ‘em, you aging-but-still-capable Secret Service agent!” It’ll be a really fun movie to catch on cable late at night.

Doomsday

A pointless jambalaya of action scenes stolen from the various “Mad Max” movies. The plot makes almost no sense, but the action scenes themselves were fun. It’s the kind of movie you just want to fast-forward through to get to the good stuff.

10,000 B.C.

Me Doug. Doug want see movie. Doug not see movie for many moons. Doug want see movie where man supermodel fight saber-tooth tiger. Doug want see girl supermodel with blue eyes rescued by supermodel who speaks to mammoth. Doug see movie. Movie stupid. Doug stupid.

The Bank Job

If something is based on a true story, it’s always hard to know how much of the story is based on fact and how much is speculation. Does anyone really know what went on behind the closed doors of this famous robbery? Nevertheless, The Bank Job is fun and entertaining. Even if only HALF of what they say is true, it’s still amazing. Also, there's not one scene in this movie that’s longer than a minute. The pace is lightning. Don’t go to the bathroom – you’ll be lost. Fun and well-done.

The Signal

Interesting low-budget sci-fi. Cost-cutting efforts were admirable. The unrecognizable cast was game to play in the confined spaces, and despite the b-movie production values, the violence was creative and gruesome. All the best sci-fi offers some cautionary moral. This is no exception, and the moral is a worthy one, even if it seems hatched by the Parent Television Council: turn off the TV, hang up the cell phones, and RELATE. Before we all turn into murderous zombies.

Definately Maybe

Generally a likable movie. Likable cast, sweet premise, romantic. However..! I’m not sure why, but this felt like it was three hours long! It just wouldn’t end! I think because it’s structured like a mystery and the dad, Ryan Reynolds, is intentionally withholding key pieces of data from spunky Abigail Breslen, so the whole thing feels like a shaggy-dog tale. And that’s frustrating. So it’s likable but frustrating. A lot like this review.

Semi-Pro

The Will Ferrell recipe, half-baked, is not so delicious.

Charlie Bartlett

This started out great, and really seemed like it was going in a dangerous direction most teen movies haven’t dared to go. Unfortunately, the second half goes over a cliff, and the story tries to recover from all the political incorrectness by exploiting every hacky cliché from the genre. The lead actor, Anton Yelchin, is supremely talented, but only at times is this on display. Sometimes he veers into a really annoying, over-talented, Dakota Fanning territory -- where he knows he’s really talented, and he comes off as disingenuous... so you want to punch him in the face. Kudos, though, to Kat Dennings as the sweet girlfriend. She’s destined for great things. Otherwise, this was below par, so I can’t really recommend it. It had hope, but lost its way.

Be Kind Rewind

Not terrible, but lacked purpose. Not laugh-out-loud funny, either. It seems that director Michel Gondry needs Charlie Kaufman and Jim Carey more than they need him. A fun diversion, though, and a heartwarming ending. It just doesn’t resonate.

Jumper

Dull sci-fi with lots of missed potential. Confusing because it seems like a lot of stuff was cut out. Diane Lane’s in the movie for two scenes. Weird. The motives of the villain are totally unclear. The time-line is screwy. And the big fight, the big final “knock-down, drag-out” isn’t even against the villain. It’s with another dude. This will probably yield a sequel which hopefully will explore the concept better and tap the potential. Not terrible, but bland and forgettable.

Michael Clayton

(Second viewing)
It’s still slow in the beginning, and it still dazzles by the end. It’s also worth pointing out, that although it’s pretty much a given that Daniel Day Lewis will win the Oscar, Clooney’s performance is more difficult, nuanced, and three-dimensional. Daniel Day Lewis bursts from every frame – a larger than life portrait. But Clooney manages to shrink from the frame and still compel you to watch him. You wonder, what got him down? How did the world kick his ass so thoroughly? Looking at an actor like George Clooney, and imagining the kind of movie-star life he must lead, how did he manage to depict a loser so deeply and thoughtfully? Oscars tend to go to the most memorable performances. The handicapped, drug-addicts, or the Ray Charles, Truman Copote, Idi Amin historical types. Not since Kevin Spacey won for American Beauty has a guy won for playing an ordinary schlub. He won’t win, but Clooney deserves to be remembered for this.

Strange Wilderness

This is what happens when the “merry men” formula of The 40 Year Old Virgin, Knocked Up, and a million other movies, goes horribly horribly wrong. I’m sure the filmmakers thought, “Well, we’ve got Steve Zahn, Justin Long, Jonah Hill, and those 2 dumb guys from all the Adam Sandler movies. Who needs a script? They can just improvise! It’ll be hilarious!” Sandler’s team is getting lazy. Ten years ago he was a trailblazer. But now days, with The Longest Yard, Click, Chuck and Larry, Deuce Bigalow, and now this. Stale. It’s all going downhill fast.

Rambo

Stallone requires us to shut down the logical, sensible side of our minds that tells us that violence is wrong. Instead, he massages the primal side of the brain; the illogical, gruesome part of us that says it’s thrilling to watch a rapist sliced in half by a machete if he’s got it coming. Stallone milks the hubris a man can feel behind the barrel of a large-caliber machine gun, both the danger and the power that it can impose. Stallone has his cake and eats it, too, condemning violence while entertaining us with a body count ten times higher than Apocalypto. It is, in the strictest sense, catharsis -- release through drama. But when you’re walking out of the theater wondering what it was all about, your face might be as blank as Stallone's at the end. As if he’s waiting for all the non-violent Christian missionaries to say, “Thank you, John Rambo, for saving us from these evil Burmese dudes.” But no thanks ever come, as the Christians are too busy picking exploded people’s body parts out of their hair.

U23D

A fun night at the movies; watching swoopy zooming shots of U2 on tour in Argentina. Attempts in post-production to liven up the 3-D by having superimposed 3-D words flying out of the screen are unnecessary. The amazing crane shots of the thousands of concert goers bouncing in waves during the more upbeat numbers are enough to say, “Whoa, cool!”

Cloverfield

Okay, first: Why is it called Cloverfield? The gimmick is clever: Godzilla meets Blair Witch. When dramatizing a dude picking up a camcorder to document the mêlée, preferably it is someone brave and articulate. Not a dumbass. So there’s a problem. The “shots”, though fake, and composed by a dumbass, are terrible. Too, New York seems to only be occupied by good-looking, selfish, twenty-somethings, who you sort of HOPE will get crushed by Godzilla. They would have it coming, which shouldn’t be the point. So, as a gimmick it’s good, but there’s no character development and no monster motives. It’s all very stock. The Mist is a far better “giant computer-generated monsters take over the world” scenario. Netflix.

Teeth

Impressive in so many ways. It got made. It works. It’s funny AND spooky. And it features the one of the most ballsy and auspicious debuts since… since… I don’t know… um… Jessica Lange in the remake of King Kong! Anyway, actor Jess Weixler’s transition from virgin to vagilante is stunning. If there were any justice in the world, next year she’d get the kind of kudos Ellen Page is getting this year for Juno. But that won’t happen. The concept is too creepy. Weixler’s performance is even more impressive considering the script doesn’t help her as much as it should. There are jarring leaps in pace and chronology, and we’re left with a few loose ends. BUT STILL! I predict this will blow up, catch on and be a cult hit. It’s the girl. She nails it. You’ll lay awake at night wanting to screw her, but panicking about the possible consequences.

I'm Not There

Features lots of vignettes more or less related somehow to Bob Dylan. There’s lots of Bob Dylan music, some interesting performances (Kate Blanchette plays him part of the time, and she’ll probably get nominated), but the vignettes don’t build up to any kind of dramatic conclusion. The Dylan songs themselves have far more peaks, valleys, and drama.

Atonement

Very well made. Characters, settings, mise en scène are handled with precious manner. The well-performed, uptight British characters are so repressed they can barely speak to each other until it’s time to molest little boys. It’s amazing the English were ever able to propagate at all. Nevertheless, it’s a long but good show, accentuating the shadows, the waiting, and negative spaces in between all the shooting, stabbing, and kissing that happens – sometimes non-stop – in other, more American-style movies. Don’t wait for the “cut to the chase”, it doesn’t happen. Only the painful results of that kind of uniquely British unrequited love. The moral of the story: when given the opportunity, be sure to punch a bratty, eleven-year-old English chick in the face. You never know when you’ll have another chance or a clear shot.

National Treasure: Book of Secrets

So unbelievably stupid, it makes Scooby Doo look like a documentary.