Ninja Assassin

Just about everything you could ever want in a movie called “Ninja Assassin.” There were, unfortunately, some back-story scenes in which ninjas weren’t assassinating or being assassinated, which was too bad. You really just want them to get on with the assassinations. And many times the ninjas were assassinating in scenes that were too dark. But they ARE ninjas, and they do live in the shadows, so you can’t really blame them for assassinating in the dark. A larger variety of assassinations would have been nice, too. And maybe ONE assassination in the daylight, just to see it. But, in general, all ninja assassinating requirements were fulfilled.

Precious

It’s like having someone kick you in the balls five times and then apologize. Unabashedly melodramatic with all the subtlety of a high-speed bus crash. Heart strings are pulled, tears are jerked, and at times it seems conspicuously premeditated. But through it all, there are excellent, heart-felt performances, especially from the lead Gabourey Sidibe. She’s a shoe-in for nominations. Otherwise, it’s a mixed bag. The entire ensemble is GREAT, but the director distracts from important dramatic moments with misplaced levity and clumsy foreshadowing. But see it to admire the performances.

2012

So, so silly. Plays more like a comedy than anything else. And a retrospective of all disaster movies up to this point. Earthquakes, fires, volcanoes, floods, tidal waves, sinking ships, and, of course, bureaucrats who won’t listen until the big speech in the middle of the final third. The science is terrible and never explains why it’s all happening in 2012. But then there’s John Cusack. “Lane.” “Lloyd.” “Hoops.” Saving the day. Making the best of a bad situation. Acting his heart out. Thank the Mayan Gods for John Cusack.

Pirate Radio

I disliked this. It’s an attempt at a rock and roll fairy tale, but there’s not a sincere moment in the whole movie. It’s based on a worthy true story, and THAT movie would have been worth seeing. But this movie, with cartoonishly “lovable” British rogues, cutaways of lovable British people dancing, and preposterous “I’m Sparticus” platitudes about keeping rock roll alive, is not worth seeing.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

The entire look of the movie – the design, the animation, the color scheme – screams “Wes Anderson”, and that’s a good thing. George Clooney makes an inspired addition to the Anderson ensemble, and his charismatic Mr. Fox carries the entire movie, boldly leading you through scenes populated by soft-spoken, low-key burrowing animals. Too low-key, unfortunately, and that’s a problem. The stakes feel very low here and the filmmakers fail to make a genuine lasting impression. So it’s nice to look at, and more or less enjoyable, but there’s only so much laid-back, blasé dialogue you can take before you need a cup of coffee.

Antichrist

** MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!

75% of this is a meandering meditation on grief -- cerebral, reflective and hardly offensive. Little by little though, the wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg) starts to lose her marbles, and late in the movie, nails her husband (Willem DaFoe) in the balls with a piece of firewood. That’s just the start of the fucked-up part of the movie, which culminates in the wife cutting off her own clitoris with a pair of dull scissors. All on camera, of course, but it’s done tastefully. I’ve always admired filmmaker Lars von Trier for his unique, uncompromising voice. And I didn’t hate this, but I can’t really recommend it either. It’s hard to tell what’s really going on or what it all means. It is, purely, a look into one filmmaker’s distraught soul where chaos reigns, apparently. This is according to a talking fox making a cameo during the fucked-up part. The point is, any attempts at interpretation will yield only puzzled conjecture.

So ring-up that lucky gal or guy, grab the flowers and the box of candy, and get ready for the BEST DATE MOVIE EVER!

Gentlemen Broncos

I loved Napoleon Dynamite and I liked Nacho Libre. The same family of nutty filmmakers have visited the planet again to bring us another bizarre addition to their lexicon. This is one VERY strange movie. At times it's quite intentionally bad. But I’ll admit: I laughed. And the cast, with every odd visage, nervous tick, bad haircut, and homely sweater, was fully committed to the required kookiness. And the story was… um… original? And I sympathized with the hero. And I wanted him to succeed. So I feel satisfied. I went in with no expectations and got a crazy ode to middle America, low-fi sci-fi, power ballads, and a goofy looking kid with a dream. So I guess I can’t complain.

After.Life

I hated this! It’s a grim, morbid, depressing waste of time with no artistically redeeming value at all. It boggles the mind how this got made! And with Liam Neeson and Christina Ricci! The hint of an original premise and the great cast made me want to see it at AFI Fest. I wish I hadn’t. I’m positively flummoxed by how the pretentious European filmmakers GOT financing for this! How did they cast Ricci, Neeson, and Justin Long? Who will distribute this? It’s a practical joke on the audience. Bits of the premise had potential. The cast is game. But YEECH! I needed a shower! One silver lining: Ricci is nude through a large portion of the movie and she’s alluring as always. It’s too bad it’s a freaky, masturbatory necrophilia fantasy for the filmmakers.

The Box

It’s difficult to discuss anything by Richard Kelly. The Box is both fascinating and baffling. The creepy, “Twilight Zone” opening is great, well-acted, beautifully shot, and suspenseful. But this frustrating movie eventually wanders off into la-la land where there are perhaps Martians or angels and devils pulling the plot strings. Kelly and company deserve high praise for taking their filmmaking uber-seriously, both technically and thematically. The regard for film as an art-form couldn’t be higher. But it would be nice if they EXPLAINED some shit before it ends. As enjoyable as it is to watch, it’s hard to know what to take away from this movie on the drive home. Except for the obvious, which is: if a creepy guy who looks like Frank Langella with half a face shows up at your house with a box containing a magic button, and he tells you if you push the button, someone will die... DON’T PUSH THE BUTTON!

A Single Man

Definitely a movie written and directed by a fashion designer (Tom Ford), A Single Man features perfect haircuts, immaculately tailored suits, freakishly beautiful people (even the extras!) and expert use of light, color and lenses. What it lacks in plot and story is made up for by a strong, heartfelt performance from Colin Firth as a widower shattered by the death of his beloved. Granted, it meanders a bit, but that just allows more time to admire the meticulous array of period details, leading us through a beautifully designed but sad world where a heartbroken man wanders alone.

Easier With Practice

Interesting performance from Hurt Locker’s Brian Geraghty, but otherwise this was a downer.

Youth in Revolt

I haven’t laughed this hard since, well, Black Dynamite. Man, this was funny! It’s not so much the script. It’s the precisely-timed gags and the spot-on performance of Michael Cera. Filmmakers dare to dust-off over-used lines and bits, stale to the point of cliché. But gags that would have surely fallen flat in less assured hands (i.e. the hero disguising himself as a woman, doing drugs the first time) land perfectly here with priceless results. The entire cast is hilarious. And the nerd gets the girl, which to me makes this a joyous triumph. I can’t praise it enough.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

At the risk of pandering, this doesn’t perk up until the arrival of Heath Ledger’s character, and subsequently the ensemble of stars who all play the same mysterious guy. It’s an outlandish lark, favoring Terry Gilliam’s signature animation lunacy over pesky things like a coherent plot. The visuals -- the animation and imagination on display here are awesome. The rest of the cast of odd-balls is perfect for Gilliam’s distorted world, including a rascally turn by Tom Waits as the Devil. It’s likable enough and amazing to see even if you do wonder, as I did, what the hell it was all about.