Taken

Liam Neeson brings his super-human stoicism to what would otherwise qualify as revenge porn. The visceral reaction of the audience was hilarious. Lots of clapping and cheering when Neeson as the bad-ass dad would take down a room full of slimy, sex-slave pimps. It’s thankfully short and refreshingly uncompromising. But it won’t make you a better person.

Paul Blart - Mall Cop

Mirrors the Die Hard plot almost exactly, only with a fat guy in a mall. It’s admirable thievery I suppose, as Kevin James makes a likable lead. But it needs to be a lot funnier if it’s going to be that predictable.

Che

A mosaic of dramatic episodes from the life of Ernesto Guevara expertly filmed by Steven Soderbergh and company. Benicio Del Toro embodies his revolutionary character admirably and the battle sequences were stark and suspenseful. The movie takes great pains to not have a strong opinion one way or the other about the politics of Che. Unfortunately, this impairs the emotional punch of our hero’s journey. I almost always felt like an observer and never a participant in his struggle. The “war is futile” theme becomes strong in part 2. Che’s goals become foggy and it’s frustrating and sad to watch so much shooting for what appears to be no real reason. (They claim to be fighting for oppressed miners who we never see.) That’s clearly the point. And the summary of Che’s life, or the parts depicted in this movie, makes me wonder what it is exactly that would warrant buying the t-shirt. I suppose it’s the power of the people taking over the government for themselves? Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Slumdog Millionaire

After my second viewing, it’s worth mentioning that NO ONE I’ve talked to has disliked this movie. Even the people who claim to be ”so-so” about it can’t think of a single negative thing to say. We would all like to believe that art is subjective. Not everything is for everybody. But sometimes something comes along that IS for everybody -- a work of art made in such earnest that it’s fully embraced by the masses. The perfect film for that time and place. Lightning in a bottle. Something to aspire to? Or maybe just something to admire. Who knows? Maybe 12 years from now people will be scoffing at Slumdog Millionaire the way people do at Titanic. “I can’t believe that won best picture!? Why did the world get suckered-in to that movie so much?! It’s cheesy!” But Titanic did the same thing. It’s a great movie -- in the right place at the right time. Extra special proper respect should go to Dev Patel, who is freakishly enthusiastic as the nerd in love with a beautiful, unattainable woman. But he embodies his character with such a rare fervor, such uninhibited passion, he gives all of us nerds hope.

Waltz With Bashir

Totally original non-fiction animated tale of a soldier coming to terms with his post-traumatic stress. The hypnotic dreams the soldier describes are beautifully designed, but the motion seemed a little choppy and robotic -- a small price to pay for a radically different film. Heavy and downbeat, but worthwhile.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Featured a very cool opening credits sequence that harkened back to the old-time movie “spinning newspaper” montage. Photos and headlines shoot towards you as they reveal back-story about the evil axe-wielding miner. There’s also a chase with the psycho and a completely nude damsel that was good for a laugh. But the rest of the movie was stupid. The 3D was fun. Axes flying at you, and whatnot… But, yeah, stupid.

The Unborn

I don’t ask much of my scary movies. Any one of the three is acceptable: 1. Be funny. (i.e. Teeth) 2. Be original. (i.e. Baghead) 3. Be scary. (i.e. Quarantine) And don’t try to confuse me! The Unborn hides behind one ridiculous back-story revelation after another until it’s a brain-splitting avalanche of white noise. Nothing makes sense! Perhaps I’m guilty of expecting the impossible from what is obviously the turdy realm of PG-13 b-movies. Well, at least the girl was pretty.

Valkyrie

Not as terrible as everyone is saying. It’s Mission Impossible during World War 2, that’s all. It’s tense and schooled. Singer, Cruise and company barely dwell on period tanks, planes, and uniforms. It’s all about momentum, and the suspense that the conspirators might possibly take back their country. And he may be crazy, but Cruise is no idiot. He surrounds himself with the best English actors in the world. Like, TEN of ‘em! It’s truly, deep-down, in every way a thriller. The victims of Hitler are barely shown and you’ll never feel the lump in your throat you get from earnest Holocaust dramas. You’ll be too busy scarfing down popcorn like any other pulpy thriller.

Bolt

I feel a little bad for Buzz Lightyear. It’s not like his was the first storyline to feature a character stunned to learned they’re living in a movie. But the fact that it’s Disney and Toy Story doesn’t seem like it was that long ago and Bolt has the EXACT same character arc and storyline AND it was Executive Produced by the director of Toy Story! It just makes me a little cynical. So in spite of the great 3-D animation, I couldn’t stop thinking about Buzz Lightyear. So it felt a little hacky. Even the voice casting was gimmicky, and not nearly as inspired as the Pixar movies. But it isn’t a Pixar movie, is it? So why would I complain? It’s not like the movie was made for ME. It’s, you know, for kids.

Defiance

Starts out rough, with an inciting incident that happens off screen. The script is clunky, underdeveloped and amateurish, like it was written by an 8th grader who learned everything about WWII from videogames and Star Wars. So it takes a while to get into. Thankfully Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber serve as strong anchors, and after a while I started to get into it. It’s a worthy true story, there are some taut battle scenes and there’s some decent acting. But Oy! The script! It’s bupkis! It made me shvitz on my tuchus it was such schlock! Feh!