Act of Valor

It’s funny that the word “act” is right there in the title, because this movie is about everything BUT acting. Footage of “real” Navy seals doing training exercises is impressive, but as soon as one of them speaks, my skin crawls. Navy Seals are really good at being Navy Seals. Actors are really good at pretending to be other people and embodying their characters. Movie stars are the Navy Seals of acting – they can’t really be underestimated. Thankfully, Act of Valor is mostly action and not acting. During the show, there's a 10 or 15 minute action sequence, and at the end of it all, one guy turns to the other guy and says, “I’m doing this for my family.” As good as the b-roll is, the Seals should stick to sniping Somali pirates and leave the line-readings to the experts.

Wanderlust

There’s an old saying: there’s nothing more unfunny than somebody trying too hard to be funny. Actually, that’s not an old saying, I just made it up. But in the case of Wanderlust, it’s unfortunately true. I’ve always admired the David Wain/Ken Marino/The State projects, from Reno 911 to The Ten to Children’s Hospital and so on. But Wanderlust lacks a premise beyond the initial yuppies become hippies, and the filmmakers hope that improvised shtick will fill in the blanks. It doesn’t. There’s so much potential here for satire that was squandered by Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston and the meager attempts to bookend comedic non-sequiturs with bad romantic comedy hokey-ness. It’s a lazy enterprise from a troupe that’s capable of much better. Nevertheless, I will tune into the new season of Children’s Hospital eagerly.

Safe House

I didn’t hate this but it didn’t blow my mind either. Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington both seem to be slumming it. They’re each a lot better than this lazy action movie fraught with typical fights and chases. Plus with the blue-ish color correction (over-correction) the whole experience is gloomy and forlorn. One wishes Reynolds would return to comedy and Washington would try something different.

The Woman In Black

In a departure from his Harry Potter days, Daniel Radcliffe is a one-man show here. It’s an old fashioned ghost story -- it could be an episode of Masterpiece Theatre. There are stuffy British actors, period costumes, and most importantly, creepy-ass toys. You can’t really make a scary movie these days without featuring creepy-ass toys. There’s also a spooky-ass castle and some scary-ass jump scares, all of which makes The Woman in Black worth the ticket price for those who like this type of thing. Despite the stuffy, old-timey setting, and a resolution that lacks kick, there’s good filmmaking here. It’s a successful endeavor by the newly resurrected Hammer Films.

Chronicle

DUDE #1: Okay. That’s it. From now on, I’m videotaping everything that happens in my life.
DUDE #2: How come, dude?
DUDE #1: Dude, I don’t owe you an explanation. Just go along with it.
DUDE #2: Okay, Dude. But good luck keeping those camera batteries charged.

There is inevitably a bunch of awkward dialogue to justify the home movie/found footage gimmick. Once the teenage heroes get that out of the way, and you stop asking yourself why anyone would be running a camera at certain points in the story, the story ITSELF is actually pretty good, and boils down to this: what if Peter Parker was bitten by the radioactive spider and turned into a giant dick? After a while, the “found footage” part of this spreads out to police footage and news footage. Kind of a cheat, but it reminded me of Look, a clever security camera drama that came out a few years ago. This is not mandatory to see in theaters, but it’s worth checking out…