The Heat

Lots and lots of female laughter in the crowded audience. It’s not the clichéd story, it’s not the plot, and it’s not the writing that makes it funny. It’s all about the delivery. The two leads, Bullock and McCarthy, fine-tune their timing so that even non-jokes can get a laugh. On paper or in the wrong hands this could have been a disaster. Instead, it’s amusing, light-hearted, and predictable without being irritating.

The Purge

A commendable low-budget thriller, using limited locations wisely. Throughout the movie, the ridiculous premise remains a sticking point. Plot holes are rampant, which cause the audience to wonder why the villains are even bothering with their killing spree. At least the townspeople in Shirley Jackson’s “The Lottery” had their reasons, however stupid and crazy they were. But it’s not supposed to be taken literally. The whole movie is meant to be a rich vs. poor, 1% parable, which sort of works some of the time, but they could have pushed their symbols much harder.

World War Z

It’s a very good movie, although some of the zombie lore feels familiar. It’s less of a “Romero” zombie movie and more like Contagion meets Resident Evil. So, story-wise it’s not super fresh but it’s very well-made and the undead threat is treated with utmost cinematic seriousness. No cheese. Surprises don’t come from story or plot but from characters and their choices. Brad Pitt is believable as the intrepid dad/scientist. Decisions to reshoot the final third of the movie seem to have worked out because it’s tense, it’s heroic, and noticeably contained. It’s a fun, adrenalin-charged night at the movies. But one final question I ask after all the zombie scenarios: where the fuck is all of the protective clothing??

This is the End

Knowing these actors, having seen them in enough movies and TV shows, and knowing that they’re goofing on their own personas makes this hilarious. It’s not the first time someone has played a wacky version of themselves. Lucy and Desi sort of did it. And who can forget Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in Airplane? But when you take these narcissistic potheads and throw them into a post-apocalyptic Lord of the Flies scenario, it just gets funnier and funnier. It reminds me of what Douglas Coupland’s "Girlfriend in a Coma" could have been. A gen-x-er (or in this case, generation text-er) realizes that if there is a God and a heaven then there’s a back-log of good deeds that need to be checked-off before the rapture. Highly recommended.

Man of Steel

** SUPER-SPOILERS!! **

Damn. Damn. Damn. As soon as we see Jor-El flying around on a giant dragonfly, I sensed something was amiss. We all know what happened on Krypton. Why show it again? And why change it to the point where it’s unrecognizable and ridiculous? Many bad decisions were made in Man of Steel regarding the legacy of Superman. The Smallville/Lois Lane/Daily Planet timeline has been completely fucked with for no good reason. Why couldn’t they show us something NEW we hadn’t seen, instead of rejiggering the old tropes?

What I found more offensive was the pace. It felt like the filmmakers made a five hour movie and the powers that be made them cut it down to two. Every scene felt like it was cut in half, which destroyed any possibility of cadence. One of the reasons Watchmen worked was because it HAD to be bloated. Not following the story of the original graphic novel would have been blasphemy. Therefore, the exciting moments kicked ass and the slow moments were pleasantly weird. But the original Man of Steel trailer promised a different tone: what if Terrence Malick did Superman? Someone, the studio, Chris Nolan, or a devil on Zach Snyder’s shoulder saw fit to cut out all the breathing room. Man of Steel feels like a highlight reel to a much bigger and better movie.

There are some positives. Henry Cavill is the perfect choice for Clark Kent/Jesus. Michael Shannon nailed his Zod, although he never gets to say, “Kneel before Zod!” And there are some nice moments with Amy Adams and Diane Lane. But overall, with great regret I have to say: this did nothing for me. There is nothing even the slightest bit exhilarating about it. I actually liked Superman Returns better, but not by much. This makes Smallville a masterwork, where the legend was treated with reverence and it was assumed that the audience knew the basics.

Fast and Furious 6

Math problem: If the minimum take-off speed for a cargo plane is 150 mph, and that cargo plane is being chased by an elite team of drag-racers for ten minutes, then how long does the runway need to be? Answer: “You don't turn your back on family…” Logic and physics never really played a role in the Fast and Furious movies. It’s James Bond for the subwoofer crowd, but bigger, louder, and more badass. Go 'Merica! Vin Diesel, who has all the charisma of a flying brick, grunts one line after another of bumper-sticker philosophy at a level of nonchalance even Stallone would admire. The rest of the cast bounces from brooding to smart aleckey. The script is more concerned about being macho than it is about making sense, with a pace that’s forcefully speedy, so as to NOT allow the audience to stop and think for a nanosecond about how impossible everything is. It’s not going to make you a better person, but it’s good for a laugh.