Doug's Favorite Movies of the Decade

A History of Violence
Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
Spiderman 2
Kill Bill: Vol 2
Bad Santa
Sideways
The 40 Year Old Virgin
Amélie
Mulholland Drive
Memento
The Five Obstructions
Lars and the Real Girl
The Mist

Honorable Mention:

The Wrestler
Slumdog Millionaire
Black Hawk Down
A Serious Man
Solaris
Wall-E
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters
Forgetting Sara Marshall
The Rules of Attraction
Pirates of the Caribbean
Ratatouille

Doug's Favorite Movies of 2009

Hurt Locker
A Serious Man
Avatar
Youth in Revolt
Zombieland
World’s Greatest Dad
Inglourious Basterds
District 9
Black Dynamite
Moon
Drag Me to Hell
Watchmen

Honorable Mention:
Duplicity
Star Trek
State of Play

Sherlock Holmes

More or less enjoyable, but it’s not going to shed any new light on the Sherlock Holmes legend, other than that he apparently knew karate. Robert Downey, riding the wave of his new leading-man status, plays it a little too roguish and over-the-top. Perhaps he’s holding on too tightly to his zany supporting character technique. It’s fast moving at times, and painfully dull in others. But as a popcorny adventure, it won't resonate, but it’s perfectly suitable.

Avatar

Amazing. Beautiful to behold and full of wonder. (I’m not being sarcastic.) It’s full of enlightening juxtapositions and contradictions. Filmmaker James Cameron loves all things military: protocol, barking orders and uniforms. But based on the themes of almost all of his movies, he detests the military industrial complex, and sticks-it to war mongering and imperialism as often as he can. He loves machines and metal, but also biology and life. He loves weapons, but he’s also a sucker for a sappy love story. It’s all in Avatar, and he is absolutely DETERMINED to give you your money’s worth.

The story is pat, there’s no doubt. It’s Pocahontas or Dances with Wolves. But the story almost HAS to be standard so we the audience will find something familiar to hang on to while filmmakers inundate us with so many new concepts and creatures in an entirely brand new world. Archetypes are archetypes for a reason. Star Wars did it. Blade Runner did it. Who Framed Roger Rabbit did it. But even if the story in Avatar is by-the-numbers, the science fiction concepts are off the charts, original, and untried. Substantial screen time is dedicated to introducing and expounding on the ecosystem of planet Pandora, the unique setting which can best be described as having a singular central nervous system for every living thing on the planet. Neopagan symbolism is everywhere, as is the very transparent allegory to the war in Iraq. Performances from the principal cast are top notch, especially considering the unique technical challenges to this kind of acting. Unfortunately, there is an evil, one-dimensional military dude who comes off as ridiculous. But you have to have a villain, I guess, and maybe Paul Reiser wasn’t available.

It’s an absolute must-see in 3-D. See it now -- it just won’t be the same on video. The previews on TV make it look corny and videogamey, but in the theater it’s truly stunning. And it’s not just eye-candy. Perhaps one of the most emotional moments, as cheesy as it sounds, is when a certain, special tree gets wiped out. My heart sank. Yes, it’s long. Yes, at times, it’s sappy and clichéd. But I’ll be damned if it’s not the best value around for seventeen dollars.

The Lovely Bones

Disappointing. There’s no one driving the story. Performances from good actors are smothered because of a weak script that lacked character development and a forward-moving plot. Sure it’s sad, but it’s emotionally hollow, as there’s no satisfying resolution. Susan Sarandon’s the one bright spot. She lights up the screen as a groovy grandma in what is otherwise a down, dour, and pointless meditation on the afterlife. (You’re better off renting The Frighteners!)

Also, for anyone who cares, it's NOT a good DATE MOVIE!

The Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call - New Orleans

Nic Cage is rusty. No doubt about it. He’s been in so many crappy movies lately, none of which have allowed him to tap into all of those weird ticks and quirks that USED to make him an interesting actor, and now days make him a parody of himself. But in this, Werner Herzog and company let him loose, and the lunacy is inspired. Yes, the movie’s too long. It drags at times. But the magical moments when Cage is on and it starts getting crazy, it’s hysterical. The rest of the ensemble is surprisingly good, and the story is strong, even if the pace is sluggish. Not a home run. Not a classic. But a nice reminder of the Nic Cage of yore; Raising Arizona, Birdy, Vampire’s Kiss, Wild at Heart, and Leaving Las Vegas come to mind. For a second, you can actually forget National Treasure.

Up in the Air

** SPOILER ALERT!

George Clooney is great in this and completely embodies his laid-bad, non-committal hatchet-man. He makes it look so easy. Watching him train his over-zealous underling, Anna Kendrick, is the nucleus of the story and these are the best scenes in the movie. When he’s met his match in a female counterpart, Vera Farmiga, the possibilities are infinite and it’s a delight to watch it all unfold. But then, two-thirds of the way through, his character becomes secondary and passive while we’re forced to sit through a bunch of wedding-movie clichés involving a bunch of peripheral characters we don’t care about. What a downer. The movie never fully recovers from this awkward detour. It starts to get clunky and predicable until it finally just fizzles out. Clooney’s final scenes redeem it a little, but it still leaves a bad taste, especially knowing how good the first two-thirds were. Despite the bad plot detours, though, it’s a must see for Clooney and Kendrick, and the way they navigate the sad world of layoffs rampant in this shitty financial era.

Ninja Assassin

Just about everything you could ever want in a movie called “Ninja Assassin.” There were, unfortunately, some back-story scenes in which ninjas weren’t assassinating or being assassinated, which was too bad. You really just want them to get on with the assassinations. And many times the ninjas were assassinating in scenes that were too dark. But they ARE ninjas, and they do live in the shadows, so you can’t really blame them for assassinating in the dark. A larger variety of assassinations would have been nice, too. And maybe ONE assassination in the daylight, just to see it. But, in general, all ninja assassinating requirements were fulfilled.

Precious

It’s like having someone kick you in the balls five times and then apologize. Unabashedly melodramatic with all the subtlety of a high-speed bus crash. Heart strings are pulled, tears are jerked, and at times it seems conspicuously premeditated. But through it all, there are excellent, heart-felt performances, especially from the lead Gabourey Sidibe. She’s a shoe-in for nominations. Otherwise, it’s a mixed bag. The entire ensemble is GREAT, but the director distracts from important dramatic moments with misplaced levity and clumsy foreshadowing. But see it to admire the performances.

2012

So, so silly. Plays more like a comedy than anything else. And a retrospective of all disaster movies up to this point. Earthquakes, fires, volcanoes, floods, tidal waves, sinking ships, and, of course, bureaucrats who won’t listen until the big speech in the middle of the final third. The science is terrible and never explains why it’s all happening in 2012. But then there’s John Cusack. “Lane.” “Lloyd.” “Hoops.” Saving the day. Making the best of a bad situation. Acting his heart out. Thank the Mayan Gods for John Cusack.

Pirate Radio

I disliked this. It’s an attempt at a rock and roll fairy tale, but there’s not a sincere moment in the whole movie. It’s based on a worthy true story, and THAT movie would have been worth seeing. But this movie, with cartoonishly “lovable” British rogues, cutaways of lovable British people dancing, and preposterous “I’m Sparticus” platitudes about keeping rock roll alive, is not worth seeing.

The Fantastic Mr. Fox

The entire look of the movie – the design, the animation, the color scheme – screams “Wes Anderson”, and that’s a good thing. George Clooney makes an inspired addition to the Anderson ensemble, and his charismatic Mr. Fox carries the entire movie, boldly leading you through scenes populated by soft-spoken, low-key burrowing animals. Too low-key, unfortunately, and that’s a problem. The stakes feel very low here and the filmmakers fail to make a genuine lasting impression. So it’s nice to look at, and more or less enjoyable, but there’s only so much laid-back, blasé dialogue you can take before you need a cup of coffee.

Antichrist

** MAJOR SPOILER ALERT!!

75% of this is a meandering meditation on grief -- cerebral, reflective and hardly offensive. Little by little though, the wife (Charlotte Gainsbourg) starts to lose her marbles, and late in the movie, nails her husband (Willem DaFoe) in the balls with a piece of firewood. That’s just the start of the fucked-up part of the movie, which culminates in the wife cutting off her own clitoris with a pair of dull scissors. All on camera, of course, but it’s done tastefully. I’ve always admired filmmaker Lars von Trier for his unique, uncompromising voice. And I didn’t hate this, but I can’t really recommend it either. It’s hard to tell what’s really going on or what it all means. It is, purely, a look into one filmmaker’s distraught soul where chaos reigns, apparently. This is according to a talking fox making a cameo during the fucked-up part. The point is, any attempts at interpretation will yield only puzzled conjecture.

So ring-up that lucky gal or guy, grab the flowers and the box of candy, and get ready for the BEST DATE MOVIE EVER!

Gentlemen Broncos

I loved Napoleon Dynamite and I liked Nacho Libre. The same family of nutty filmmakers have visited the planet again to bring us another bizarre addition to their lexicon. This is one VERY strange movie. At times it's quite intentionally bad. But I’ll admit: I laughed. And the cast, with every odd visage, nervous tick, bad haircut, and homely sweater, was fully committed to the required kookiness. And the story was… um… original? And I sympathized with the hero. And I wanted him to succeed. So I feel satisfied. I went in with no expectations and got a crazy ode to middle America, low-fi sci-fi, power ballads, and a goofy looking kid with a dream. So I guess I can’t complain.

After.Life

I hated this! It’s a grim, morbid, depressing waste of time with no artistically redeeming value at all. It boggles the mind how this got made! And with Liam Neeson and Christina Ricci! The hint of an original premise and the great cast made me want to see it at AFI Fest. I wish I hadn’t. I’m positively flummoxed by how the pretentious European filmmakers GOT financing for this! How did they cast Ricci, Neeson, and Justin Long? Who will distribute this? It’s a practical joke on the audience. Bits of the premise had potential. The cast is game. But YEECH! I needed a shower! One silver lining: Ricci is nude through a large portion of the movie and she’s alluring as always. It’s too bad it’s a freaky, masturbatory necrophilia fantasy for the filmmakers.

The Box

It’s difficult to discuss anything by Richard Kelly. The Box is both fascinating and baffling. The creepy, “Twilight Zone” opening is great, well-acted, beautifully shot, and suspenseful. But this frustrating movie eventually wanders off into la-la land where there are perhaps Martians or angels and devils pulling the plot strings. Kelly and company deserve high praise for taking their filmmaking uber-seriously, both technically and thematically. The regard for film as an art-form couldn’t be higher. But it would be nice if they EXPLAINED some shit before it ends. As enjoyable as it is to watch, it’s hard to know what to take away from this movie on the drive home. Except for the obvious, which is: if a creepy guy who looks like Frank Langella with half a face shows up at your house with a box containing a magic button, and he tells you if you push the button, someone will die... DON’T PUSH THE BUTTON!

A Single Man

Definitely a movie written and directed by a fashion designer (Tom Ford), A Single Man features perfect haircuts, immaculately tailored suits, freakishly beautiful people (even the extras!) and expert use of light, color and lenses. What it lacks in plot and story is made up for by a strong, heartfelt performance from Colin Firth as a widower shattered by the death of his beloved. Granted, it meanders a bit, but that just allows more time to admire the meticulous array of period details, leading us through a beautifully designed but sad world where a heartbroken man wanders alone.

Easier With Practice

Interesting performance from Hurt Locker’s Brian Geraghty, but otherwise this was a downer.

Youth in Revolt

I haven’t laughed this hard since, well, Black Dynamite. Man, this was funny! It’s not so much the script. It’s the precisely-timed gags and the spot-on performance of Michael Cera. Filmmakers dare to dust-off over-used lines and bits, stale to the point of cliché. But gags that would have surely fallen flat in less assured hands (i.e. the hero disguising himself as a woman, doing drugs the first time) land perfectly here with priceless results. The entire cast is hilarious. And the nerd gets the girl, which to me makes this a joyous triumph. I can’t praise it enough.

The Imaginarium of Doctor Parnassus

At the risk of pandering, this doesn’t perk up until the arrival of Heath Ledger’s character, and subsequently the ensemble of stars who all play the same mysterious guy. It’s an outlandish lark, favoring Terry Gilliam’s signature animation lunacy over pesky things like a coherent plot. The visuals -- the animation and imagination on display here are awesome. The rest of the cast of odd-balls is perfect for Gilliam’s distorted world, including a rascally turn by Tom Waits as the Devil. It’s likable enough and amazing to see even if you do wonder, as I did, what the hell it was all about.

Women in Trouble

What if the actors in the Vagina Monologues were all sitting around in their undies? That’s Women in Trouble - a talky female bonding ensemble featuring a lot of porn stars and hookers in skimpy lingerie. I’m fine with that, especially if it’s Marley Shelton, Carla Gugino, or the slew of other beautiful women featured here. But all the talking I can do without.

Zombieland

After my second time, I still like it. In a lot of ways it’s a perfect movie because it accomplishes EXACTLY what it sets out to do. Try not to dissect the plot though. It doesn’t really work in a logical way. It’s really still about that nerd trying to get a date.

Where the Wild Things Are

This is not for kids, but it’s a wise examination of the emotional state of a kid. Some of the symbolic “wild things” reflect Max’s emotional state more clearly than others. It’s fascinating to hear Carol (voiced by James Gandolfini), Barney the dinosaur’s rough-and-tumble step-cousin with the voice of a New Jersey teamster, complain like child when he’s hurt, both physically and emotionally. In the “where” of Where the Wild Things Are, Max validates his own feelings, but also learns to empathize with his mother or sister when they come face-to-face with the hairy beast that is his developing emotional world. There are plenty of movies in which an adult learns how to understand their kid, but it’s rare to find a movie depicting a kid learning how to understand adults. The filmmaking and performances are first-rate and the expressive faces of the “things” are awesome, but it’s the ambitious goal of bringing a kid’s ungainly emotional world to life that makes this so unique.

Toy Story 2

Better, funnier, richer and deeper than its amazing predecessor.

Toy Story

It’s a treat to see this again in a theater. The 3-D adds a lot to what was already a pioneering movie. But despite the technical feat on display, it was always the story that made this so special.

Paranormal Activity

Some clever filmmaker thought, “Fuck the woods! Let's just remake The Blair Witch Project in a house!” And so this derivative, tedious, nerve-racking mind-fuck was born. Yes, some of it is suspenseful. But it’s all tension and no release. And it’s WAY too long. It could have been a 20-minute short film! It’s an admirable gimmick -- making video work for an ultra, ultra low budget. But it’s hard to sympathize with the dumbbell couple and the story is almost nil. And just like The Blair Witch Project, by the time something finally happens, you’ll be thinking to yourself, “I wish somebody would just DIE already so we can get this over with!”

Zombieland

…isn’t really about zombies! It’s really about a nerd (Jesse Eisenberg) trying to get a date. So thematically, it’s pretty light. Not a lot of heavy-duty zombie symbolism, “man’s inhumanity to man”, apart from “it’s rough out there when you’re trying to get a date.” (They're calling it a "zom-com".) The cast is funny, the pace is perfect, and the filmmakers have a lot of fun in post-production -- superimposing titles and little “nuggets” of advice – letting the audience in on a secret gag. There’s also a great, stylish exploitation of slow-motion. Lots of blood, goo and debris cascading through the air; suspended as though there’s no gravity. Eisenberg is less annoying than usual and the lack of a strong plot didn’t bother me. Because the nerd gets the girl. And to me that makes it the most inspirational movie in the world.

The Invention of Lying

The lying begins with the ad campaign. What this movie is REALLY about is the bible, and how it’s all a bunch of lies. You can’t really say that in the ads though. It won’t play in Peoria. Ultimately, Ricky Gervais and company’s subversive comedy gives-in to niceness and sentiment, and issues the proviso that sometimes lies, including things like the Bible, make people feel better and that’s not such a bad thing. It’s a passable comedy. It could be funnier, but it could be worse, too, and that’s excluding those religious viewers who might just be horribly offended.

Also, two movies asking questions about God in one weekend. (Re: A Serious Man) Is that a pattern? Is that meaningful in some way?

A Serious Man

Existentialism is a favorite milieu of the Coens. It’s a great backdrop for comedy and those big questions about God, faith, and why we’re all here. The stuff Barton Fink thought about, the things The Dude tries to avoid thinking about, and the questions J.K. Simmons asks himself in Burn After Reading, “Why did this happen. What did we learn?” “Is Judy Davis’ head in this box?” all point to the big question: Is there a God? Is God good?

Perhaps the character most haunted by this unanswered question was Tommy Lee Jones in No Country for Old Men. Until Now. Tommy Lee Jones doesn’t have shit on Larry Gopnik (Michael Stuhlbarg), the trampled on, emasculated, soul-searching and pure-hearted mensch trying to be A Serious Man. When he begins to lose the things in the world that he thinks are important, and his life begins to crumble, he turns to the community Rabbis looking for reasons and answers. Is there a God? Is God punishing him? The Coens seem to have some mixed feelings about these Jewish leaders, but still seem to hold the idea of faith in the highest regard. God for his part does send a signal to Gopnik, if you want to see it that way, in the jarring finale. Unlike No Country for Old Men, the Coens' regard for faith does manifest a shred of hope in the meaning of life, hidden in the most unlikely of places.

This movie knocked me out and I can’t stop thinking about it. Brush up on your Jefferson Airplane and see it.

The Room

Yes, I saw The Room again. Memo to the drunken idiots who yell things at the screen: you’re not allowed to yell something unless it’s clever or funny. Just yelling “whore” isn’t acceptable. Who knew that seeing a terrible movie and having the audience yelling things at the screen as entertainment could go wrong?

Surrogates

I have nothing profound to say about this movie. Bruce Willis is formidable as always, and the production is top-notch, but it lacked sexiness. The kind of kinkiness and craziness, in fact, that Gamer had way, way too much of. If you could somehow magically combine the best aspects of both movies, you might have something. Otherwise, this is a “C.”

Jennifer's Body

HAS THE WORLD GONE COMPLETELY CRAZY?? What kind of world is it where a rated-R horror movie can be hampered by crippling prudishness and the true terror; the true fear of the boogeyman is foolishly on display at “tea party” rallies and town hall meetings?

Jennifer’s Body screenwriter Brook Busey (aka “Diablo Cody”) has jerry-rigged a tame, irrelevant and indefinable mess. “Edginess” or “coolness” does not come from injecting some hipster teen-speak into a conventional, inert story. The ideas must be edgy as well. It’s embarrassing how non-violent and unsexy Jennifer’s Body actually is. Yes, there is such a thing as gratuitous nudity. But there is also gratuitous non-nudity. If there is a woman in a rated-R horror movie whose m.o. is to seduce innocent boys and eat them, filmmakers should not hesitate to show this seductress in the nude. To see Megan Fox in her most formidable and dangerous state can only help transport the audience to the mindset of the victims. It is no time to be puritanical! It’s a movie! Show us the monster! Instead, after the killer washes off her victim’s blood in a lake swim, filmmakers cut to her FEET as she climbs out of the water!

Numerous frustrating examples of this cheap tactic -- cutting away before the money shot -- litter the film. It’s a shame! It could have been an interesting satire. Performances are all above par. The cast tries their best with this hampered material. One wonders what they would have done with a truly daring, psychosexual script. FOR SHAME!

The Informant!

Matt Damon disappears into this pathological nerd who is greedy for attention and recognition at all costs. Soderbergh uses basic, tried-and-true devices to turn an espionage thriller into a comedy: Zany music, over-the-top characters, and hilariously random inner-monologue narration. Although this movie succeeds on every level it aspires to, the light tone will prevent it from making a big splash. It’s as if Soderbergh et al set-out to prove the frivolity of greed by spinning a dispensable yarn making light of such a humorless subject.

Capitalism: A Love Story

Michael Moore is a filmmaker who clearly loves his country. But he found some things about the U.S. that he’d like to change, so he makes movies about them. What he doesn’t do is offer any kind of suggestion about how to make the necessary repairs, though he seems determined to change the world in a positive way. His emotional stories of corporations and banks screwing people over are gripping and infuriating, and they really succeed in lighting a fire under my ass. But to do what exactly?

Whiteout

A perfect example of a movie made by a studio committee. If they are cooked-up dispassionately, all the necessary ingredients do not always make a good movie. You could feel the meddling story executives in every predictable plot point, every overly-expository line of dialogue, and every shower scene. And it felt like it was developed in the early 90’s, when the big twist; the big novelty of a movie could be that the main character was a woman. “It’s about a cop, but she’s a WOMAN, believe it or not!” The outmoded premise is the least of Whiteout’s problems.

9

It seems like in every animated movie I’ve seen lately the emphasis has been on the beautiful animation and not the script. That is unfortunately the case with Nine, too. The design of the world and the characters is positively gorgeous, but I was never 100% sure what was going on. You could argue that it’s meant to be abstract. But it was frustrating for me feeling left-out of some “deep” symbolism or something that I just didn’t get. Well, even for a shallow guy like me, it’s still beautiful to watch.

Gamer

An affront to the senses. A terrible script that was poorly directed and horribly edited. Too bad. Some of the ideas, though lifted straight from Philip K. Dick, were kind of cool. You feel bad for the talented but wasted cast. Gerard Butler, Amber Valletta and Michael C. Hall deserve better.

Extract

A pleasant comedy, featuring a laid-back, mild-mannered cast of goofballs and idiots. A lot of the comedy is “extracted” from people NOT listening to one another. Jason Bateman’s neighbor, his friends, his employees, and even his dumb pool cleaner never listen and they all seem to be having their own conversations. The terrific Kristen Wiig has a hilarious exchange with the pool boy –- but it’s so acute, it’s almost frustrating. So there are a lot of chuckles during the movie, but not the kind of all-out laughter I can get when there are not one but TWO idiots in a scene, and they’re listening to each other intently. (See It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia or Burn After Reading.) Likeable and worth seeing, but not an imperative.

The Room

Some critics say 2003's The Room is the worst movie ever made. It was reportedly $6 million to produce and self-distributed by the star, producer, director. It’s become a cult event now, taking over a 5-theatre multiplex with midnight revelers who scream jokes, make fun of the characters, laugh at the genuinely bad lines and throw things at the screen. As an experience, it was a lot of fun, and I admittedly wasn’t in the mood for an ironically bad movie. Nevertheless, I laughed wholeheartedly at the snappy audience quips and the truly awful drama. I’m not sure if I’d see it again. Once may be enough. But it’s worth it for the laughs and the shared experience.

World's Greatest Dad

A great, funny and courageous comedy written and directed by Bob Goldthwait that dares to dive into a bottomless pit of unexplored taboos. Robin Williams expertly embodies a confused dad, frustrated by his career and fed-up with his perverted son. The son, played by Daryl Sabara from Spy Kids, goes toe-to-toe with Williams, skillfully trading barbs while being both funny and creepy. The plot takes several hilariously dark turns and features some great comic performances in the supporting cast. But above all it’s the script, daring to find great cynicism in a tragic death, and scrutinizing the characters who can exploit that death for their own purposes. It also explores a theme I’m noticing a lot in movies and TV lately: groupthink, and the willingness to believe a massive lie because it’s the less painful option. (see Lars and the Real Girl, The Mist) Kudos to Goldthwait and company!

The Goods: Live Hard, Sell Hard

Forgettable Used Cars derivative with an underused cast and only a smattering of funny bits. John Landis’ 2004 doc Slasher is a much better bet.

Inglourious Basterds

Yes, it runs long. At times it drags. But every prolonged scene is a lit fuse ready to explode. The pay-off is always satisfying. Likewise, Tarantino and company cast fantastically. Each face is uniquely mesmerizing. Every German looks really German. The eyes of Mélanie Laurent, huge and sad, beautifully reflect her own personal nightmares of the war. And the villain! The perfectly evil, cunning, and deceptively eccentric Nazi colonel played by Christoph Waltz, is also a ticking bomb, the results of which are entirely unexpected. Brad Pitt is barely part of the allure here. It’s the rest of the well-cast ensemble that makes this so watch-able. And it’s the deeply satisfying, visceral resolutions to the ridiculous problems set forth in Tarantino’s overstuffed script that make this so deliciously vindictive.

And now a word about revisionist history. If our politicians can lie so regularly and openly about hidden weapons, U.S Attorney firings, and torturing detainees, and if people can pull “death panels” out of their asses during a health care debate, why not rewrite history? There’s no doubt in my mind someone, some day, will believe this is a true story. For some people, it’s easier to believe the lie.

Also, SO much better than Death Proof.

District 9

The essential part of any “Martians invade Earth” movie is the human reaction. And it’s almost always an allegory of how we treat ourselves. In the case of District 9, the burden falls on actor Sharlto Copley who embodies a bureaucratic, camera-aware dweeb thrust into the public eye by chance, the portrayal of whom is an absolute revelation. This is archetypal everyman undergoes such a profound change of philosophy – he doesn’t deserve an Oscar, he deserves a Nobel Prize. It’s not that District 9 is totally original -- we’ve seen many of the plot points before. But the tone, the casting, and the portrayal of the reluctant hero are so fresh and so original, it’s impossible not to feel like you’ve seen something completely new. The treatment of the aliens, as the thinly veiled allegory goes, is disgracefully moving. Along with Hurt Locker this is one of the best movies of the year, so far.

Mega Shark Vs. Giant Octopus

I couldn’t resist the rare opportunity to see a z-grade, made-for-cable monster movie starring Lorenzo Lamas on the big screen. And it was as bad as it sounds. It was laughable how much stock footage they used, and how many times, over and over again, they used the exact same shots! Still, there’s something admirable here. They know what they’re making, they know how bad it is, they do it with conviction and they have a market. But I can’t really recommend this under any circumstances — unless you’re dying to see a giant shark jump out of the ocean to catch and eat a commercial airliner!

Thirst

A romantic but twisted revision of the vampire legend, wherein a priest is infected through a blood-transfusion and is overcome with lust. Very involved, sweeping, and quite likely expensive, it’s a feast for the eyes. “Crouching Tiger” style leaps and chases arise through busy streets, while blood and light carefully paint every frame. Performances from the lovers are fantastic, especially Kim Ok-Vin who undergoes many radical transformations, the least of which have to do with vampirism itself. But it varies wildly in tone, the romance begets lust begets violence begets surrealism begets comedy, and suddenly you’re so far from the reality the movie establishes at the beginning it’s downright unsettling. It’s long and strange, but it’s something different, if you’ve had your fill of G.I. Joe and Harry Potter.

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra

Not as bad as everyone is saying. Certainly not as bad as Transformers. 99% of the cast knows what kind of movie it is and they all ham it up fittingly. Only one poor hold-out thinks it’s Black Hawk Down. Unfortunately, it’s the main guy: Channing Tatum. Somebody forgot to tell him he was starring in a movie based on a cartoon and a line of toys. He’s about as inappropriately serious as Sean Penn at an awards show. Funny to say, but he could take a few acting lessons from Joseph Gordon-Levitt or Sienna Miller, who might say,"Lighten up! Have fun with it."

A Perfect Getaway

A great airplane movie. Sure, you might not want to spend the evening and the big bucks, but you’d be psyched if this was the in-flight show. It’s perfect escapism, a perfect waste of time. Plot twists and action twists are expected but fun, and kudos to Timothy Olyphant and Steve Zahn for tinkering playfully with their “types.”

The Hurt Locker

Although certain sequences felt long upon my second viewing, it’s still highly emotional, visceral, and entertaining movie. Performances by Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner still grip, further eliminating a desire for a typical plot. There’s something special about this movie.

500 Days of Summer

Beautifully directed but heartbreaking to watch, the filmmakers understand the agony, the miscommunications and the mixed signals of love. Zoe Deschenel perfectly portrays "Summer", the guarded, aloof, dangerous woman -- always smiling, but never open, never giving. She tells Joseph Gordon-Levitt she's not interested in a “relationship” but then she proceeds to make out with him. She goes so far as to co-opt his secret meditative place, only to ambush him and blame the relationship failures on HIM. For his part, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who's great in everything he touches lately, combines broad comedy and tragic emo rejection with great skill. The direction is unique and playful, sampling a variety of gimmicks to keep the story moving: voice of God narration, split screen, funky locations (Ikea) and even a zany Ally McBeal-ish music number. The movie's obsessed with architecture, but ironically the plot's non-linear, which also keeps us on our toes. It's all sugar to get us through what is ultimately a very cynical portrait of a doomed romance. But it's crafty, the story is worthy, and the acting is strong. Not really a date movie, though.

Orphan

It’s The Bad Seed meets Gaslight meets, I dunno, Sleepaway Camp? And sure, there’s a twist. But no twist, no matter how good, is worth what one must endure watching Orphan. It’s excruciating. It’s God-awful, and not in a “fun” way. In a worse-than-Transformers, I-can’t-wait-for-this-to-end, I’d-rather-be-at-the-dentist way. And it’s not even that the concept’s bad, or the acting for that matter. It’s the disrespect shown by the director to the audience. It’s the arrogance of wrongly assuming we’ve never seen any of these cheap startle tactics before. It’s the arrogance of making this horrific experience 123 minutes long, when it should have been 93. There’s nothing worse than terrible, unironic horror movies. I strongly dissuade! Yuck!

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

The media at large claims this 6th movie is darker and more serious than the previous ones. Translation: slow. Very few truly essential events happen to Harry this time around. There’s a lot of teen angst. Lots of snogging. Possibly some wanking. Though it’s funny to see Ron befuddled by a love spell, it’s pretty frivolous when your best friend, the chosen one, must shoulder the responsibility of killing the most evil wizard who ever lived. For his part, Harry listens well to Dumbledore and follows his orders, but it’s hard to tell if that sways the price of tea in China. I’ve stopped reading the books, so I don’t know what’s going to happen from this point on. I only hope something exciting happens with Snape. Rowling et al have MILKED his shiftiness and mysteriousness to death ten times over. It better pay off, or I’m going to be CHEESED to high heaven!

Blood: The Last Vampire

Really goofy Hong Kong, Japanese, French and Argentinean co-production featuring a vampire Samurai, played by a Korean, who protects an American girl in Tokyo from marauding demons. It’s in English, but the actors who play the Americans are all from Australia or something and they all sound weird. There are excellent and surreal sword fighting massacres set in a hyper-real dream world. Thick purple blood sprays liberally across the hilariously gruesome kabuki canvass. The hero is, of course, uniformed as one of those fetishy Japanese school girls, and the creep in me hopes she and the American girl are eventually going to get it on. But this gory vampire samurai movie is too classy for that. Should you be in the mood to get out of the multiplex and see a foreign film, and you want to broaden your horizons (i.e. turn off your brain), you won’t be bored.

Bruno

Bruno is a gay man who likes to fuck with people. If you DON’T DO everything Bruno asks, and respond favorably to his advances, you are a homophobic bigot. If you DO play along, you are a fool. Bruno wins either way. Bruno is a genius who's hung like a mule. But he’s not really all that funny. This lacked genuine, honest reactions. Every one of Bruno’s foils seemed over-blown and put-on. The exceptions to this, a well-meaning Karate instructor, a freakishly chauvinistic de-gayer, and a nervous Justice of the Peace are all good for a laugh and hold up the requisite mirror to society. But the outrage about checking his baby at the airport (especially with all the cameras around) seems pretty justified, and unfortunately, Ron Paul will probably never grant anyone an interview ever again, which is sad and not so hilarious.

Dead Snow

Although it takes a while to get the zombies on screen, it’s everything you could possibly want in a Nazi zombie movie. It dutifully follows many of the recipe’s tried and true steps, all while adding a fresh Norse flair. Lots of laughs, lots of gore, and lots of Nazi zombies. A strong addition to the art-house zombie lexicon, joining the likes of Sean of the Dead, Zombie Strippers, and Black Sheep.

Public Enemies

Video has arrived! Hazaah! But I’ll be damned if a lot of this movie doesn’t look fake. Why? I’m not sure. Why shouldn’t a period gangster movie look like an episode of Cops? Why must period movies be sepia-tone and desaturated? Nevertheless Michael Mann’s lust for video yields mostly distractions in what is otherwise a well-written and well-acted action/drama. And when the cinematography is attention-getting enough to be distracting, that’s BAD. It’s unfortunate because the movie strikes an interesting juxtaposition between the fledgling FBI "good" guys trying to catch some thugs, and the very thuggish methods they resort to.

The Hurt Locker

A very good movie, tied together more or less by a series of sequences. It doesn’t seem to build toward anything -- it’s more of a “day-in-the-life” of an Army road-side bomb diffuser. But the episodes are visceral and suspenseful, the acting is outstanding, and the directing by Kathryn Bigelow is positively triumphant. The filmmakers milk that special kind of bomb-diffusing “cut the red wire or the blue wire” suspense to a sweating-in-your-seat, nail-biting level, all the while barely venturing into the policy-making of the Iraq war. It’s the first of the Iraq war movies of late that I’ve wanted to see and I’m really glad I did. It plays like an action movie, albeit a highly emotional and moving one.

Black Dynamite

A laugh-out-loud hilarious and loving tribute to the blaxploitation movies of the 70’s. It never strays from trying to be as funny as it possibly can be, and it only occasionally ventures into silly Wayans Brothers territory. It is, for the most part, played skillfully and refreshingly straight. Solid props to co-writer and star Michael Jai White for delivering all the bad karate, bad-ass posturing and sex-god movie platitudes with astronautical precision. It’s a masterwork of straight satire, an astute homage to the groundbreaking genre, and a really fucking funny night at the movies.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Redefines bad. The first one was stupid, but fun. This was offensive – a crime against humanity. It’s a kind of a rehash of the Bad Boys 2 debacle. Bad Boys? Cheesy, but fun. Bad Boys 2? Crime against humanity. Maybe Michael Bay shouldn’t do sequels. What’s tragic, too, is, I read about some of the many effects artists and the many months an army of people would work on one six-second sequence. It’s a shame such careful, hard-working technicians would, perhaps unknowingly, be accessories to this atrocity. The script? Terrible. The lame jokes? Like hot pokers in the eye. The running time? Appalling. Wow. Let’s never speak of this again.

Moon

Sam Rockwell is terrific here – an astronaut feeling desperately alone, unappreciated, and facing death. It’s a courageous performance from an actor I’ve always liked (see Choke), but never seems to have gotten his shot. The script is full of surprises and it skillfully upset my expectations for how it would all unfold in Rockwell’s one-man show. Production design is bare, calculated and very realistic for what is reportedly a low-budget movie. It’s essentially a piece of cinematic minimalism, but still gripping to the end. Moon is an unqualified success for being unique, daring, and showcasing a virtuoso lead performance.

The Proposal

There were several moments during this when I wanted to kill myself. Not that it’s bad. It’s just -– those rom-com moments. Man! Trying on the wedding dress, etc. Makes me cringe. Reynolds and Bullock have chemistry, there’s no doubt. And Reynolds does his best to keep the smart-alecky tone for as long as possible. But it eventually gives in, as it must I suppose, to the schmaltz. So the goodwill they earn in the first half fades away.

Year One

It’s fun when comedies pick on the bible -- don’t get me wrong. But there’s no plot at all and, in the second half, the shtick starts to get stale. Michael Cera and Jack Black make for an inspired duo. But some of the supporting cast is phoning it in. And even though it’s pretty soft on the sacrilegious aspects, when Cera asks, “What if there isn’t a God?”, I saw three people stand up and angrily leave the theater.

The Taking of Pelham 123

Not my favorite of the Tony Scott/Denzel collaborations. The villain’s plan is fatally flawed, so it’s hard to see him as much of a menace. He doesn’t seem ruthless, so the killings seem out of place. As if to inject some extraneous action, there’s a really lengthy race through the city, resulting in a lot of crashes and explosions. It all felt very unnecessary. Sure, the performances were fine. But the script was kinda blah.

Angels and Demons

Very luke-warm and digestible in that Ron Howardy way. As if to prove how safe he wants it to be, he includes the ubiquitous casting of a family member – his father Rance as an important Bishop dude. The writers play it safe. The technical stuff is all safe. Tom Hanks is REALLY safe casting. There’s no one safer. (Why MUST “Robert Langdon” be an everyman?) It’s not an awful movie, but I just wonder what these Dan Brown movies might have been like helmed by someone more daring.

The Hangover

Beloved by almost everyone I’ve talked to. I liked it. I thought it was fine. I laughed. But the set-ups in the first half were funnier than the pay-offs in the second half. And I was frustrated by the many loose ends about which the creators assume we won’t care whether or not they’re resolved. But despite my nitpickiness, I gotta admit, I was really rooting for Ed Helms. I couldn’t wait until he stood-up to his horrible, one-dimensional, emasculating girlfriend (perfectly & courageously conjured-up by Rachael Harris).

Land of the Lost

Once again, Will Ferrell plays a way, way over-confident heel who must be taken down a peg or two to overcome and finally show-up a nemesis (Matt Lauer). Ferrell does a lot of obvious riffing. The movie milks these moments for all they’re worth. (i.e. a lengthy bit about covering one’s self with dinosaur urine.) The bits are funny, I suppose. But the whole mess doesn’t add up to very much. Anna Freil plays the rational woman here, and she’s cute and likable. The effects are top-notch and the pace is brisk. So it could be worse. But it’s just “bits.” And it’s starting to feel like we’ve seen them before.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

This did absolutely nothing for me. I like Amy Adams though...

Up

A script that makes me wonder how high the writers were when they were thinking of this. The story’s built on non-sequiturs! But it’s a lot less about story and plot and more about relationships. The old man’s relationship with his wife, the kid, the kid’s relationship with the dog, etc. So there’s not a lot of action, but there’s a lot of shtick. And no real stakes, per se. Not my favorite of the Pixar movies, but still outstanding. Beautiful to behold and very sweet.

Drag Me To Hell

An absolute hoot. Hilarious. Alison Lohman brings a strange energy to Sam Raimi’s revisionist startle-fest. She’s pretty, but exceedingly vulnerable. Raimi and company set-up her desire to succeed snappily to jump right into the lunging and lurching. The horrible old woman, Lorna Raver, was also a great sport, devoting herself fully to her creepy, one-eyed gypsy curser. There’s not much of a plot here. You can feel the Raimi brothers just setting up situations for the next ridiculous set piece -- falling somewhere between a Three Stooges Movie and Poltergeist, or perhaps Darkman and The Gift. Made with great zeal and love for the genre, and a treat for the Evil Dead fans.

Terminator Salvation

More of an “act” or segment than an entire movie. It’s exciting and well-directed, but the script contributes very little to the whole Terminator saga. They told more story in an hour of The Sara Connor Chronicles. I hope in the next movie they get to the time travel stuff.

Star Trek

It’s as if JJ Abrams plucked Kirk and Spock out of a Star Trek episode and stuck them into an old Star Wars movie. It’s fun, exciting, and action packed. It holds the old shows in the highest regard, while still mining a few laughs from the obligatory clichés. “I’m givin’er all she’s got, captain!” The cast is great, but the new people don’t have those deep baritone voices of Nemoy and Takai. Otherwise, well done by Abrams and company and a fun night at the movies.

Wolverine

Uneventful and anti-climatic chapter from the X-Men universe. Wolverine has his motives pulled out from under him at the end, which makes most of the plot a cheap kind of red-herring. Jackman is stalwart and game for the role. But the script suffers.

Tyson

A tragic portrayal of a talented athlete with flagrantly untreated mental illness. Many of Tyson’s comments during his interview prompted laughter from the audience. But it’s that kind of nervous laughter, as if to say, “Did he really just say that?” His comments and opinions about women were especially disturbing. But like many of the very rich and powerful people, his psychological issues are neglected or chalked up to “eccentricities.” Most of the facts and data in the movie are public knowledge, so it’s not all that revealing. But when the man talks, brace yourself.

State of Play

It’s refreshing to see a dutifully old-fashioned political thriller, complete with Russell Crowe as the hardscrabble, unshaven, whiskey-drinking reporter poised to save the day. The cast is all good, the plot is compelling, and it’s adequately suspenseful. But the most memorable thing of all is the end credit montage: following newspapers through the printing process. It proves that when something’s in print, you have to stand behind it. It can’t be “refreshed.” It signals the slow death of newspapers, and unfortunately, the journalism of due diligence.

Crank: High Voltage

It starts out as an over-the-top action comedy. From there it crashes through to preposterous, surreal, looney-tunes, and eventually devolves into crazy-ass, Douglas Adams-style Science fiction. Unlike the first movie, the strange departures from the plot were distractions here rather than treats. Flashbacks to Jason Statham’s childhood, etc. seemed designed to fill time rather than mine a laugh. Statham stays on message, fully committed to his fucked-up comedy bits. He’s much more awake here than in Transporter 3. Amy Smart (always’ve liked her) has fun with her role, too, and should get some kind of medal for being a good sport. But ultimately, when the movie is no longer grounded in any kind of reality, it’s impossible to care if Statham ever gets his heart back. So the whole thing feels like a mess.

Observe and Report

Okay, everyone say it with me now, “I LOVES me the Anna Faris.” She’s the funniest and most subversive of the unlikable heels in this bigger budget clone of Foot Fist Way. At times it’s funny, at times it pushes the envelope and at times it’s surprisingly, hilariously creepy. But there are scenes, too, where the timing’s off and it doesn’t seem like the filmmakers are having as much fun as they should be. So it’s no Bad Santa, for example. But the cast dives right in, committed in full to their humiliation —- especially the incredibly courageous flasher dude. Faris just makes it look easier than everybody else.

Monsters vs. Aliens

The 3-D animation is amazing, but the script is lame. The lead character, “Susan” is animated in the proud tradition of impossibly gorgeous, superhumanly leggy cartoon women, akin to the animes, wonder women and GI Joe babes of the past. If only the care they took to tweak every nuance of Susan’s skin-tight jumpsuit was taken to strengthen the story.

Adventureland

First off, they got 1987 completely wrong. The cars were wrong. The hair was wrong. Nobody was wearing tube socks up to their knees! It’s as if somebody watched Dazed and Confused and Meatballs and decided to set the movie in that era, even though it took place ten years later. Jesse Eisenberg has absolutely MASTERED his awkward, over-articulate teenager characterization so it’s time for him to branch out. Kristen Stewart is easy on the eyes, but mopes and pouts her way through another movie. It’s time for her to branch out, too. As for the script, it starts out funny, but gets gradually more dour and less fun as the movie wears on, making the overall experience a great, big… Meh!

Paris 36

Accordion music, cobblestone streets, and men in berets. You could practically smell the freshly-baked baguettes, it felt so quintessentially French. The moving camera sails through the brisk scenes beautifully. Sentimental, whimsical, and dramatic, it’s an elegant confection, a heartfelt love-letter to Paris.

Big Fan

Patton Oswalt goes “Travis Bickle” in this Taxi Driver/King of Comedy fusion. Oswalt embodies his Giants fan character ably -- emasculated and humiliated by his family, his job, and ultimately his beloved team. But it’s not so funny. He’s an anti-hero, so it’s tough to root for him. But that doesn’t make it a bad movie, just slightly distant. It’s a cautionary tale, and a mirror to a subculture of “fans” that might be substituting the drama of the NFL for their own stagnant lives.

I Love You, Man

A perfectly pleasant movie that follows the buddy-comedy “bromance” recipe unabashedly. Rudd and Segel are both likeable and consistent. But I can’t honestly say I laughed a lot. The stakes were low, and the conflicts felt concocted to fill time. It doesn’t feel personal, like it was a real man’s real struggle. So the recipe’s a bit vanilla. For me, the best laughs come from Rudd when he struggles with his attempts at “dude” speak. Otherwise, you could do worse, but it’s no Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Penance

Gimmicky torture-porn with an intriguing premise, but zero percent irony, comedy or fun. It’s really just torture on the screen. We walked out when people’s genitals started getting cut off.

Hired Gun

Shane Wood is rock solid, and the producers do a good job of stretching their dollar in this ultra low-budget thriller. As a plus, there’s a hilariously over-the-top turn from Michael Madsen.

Sin Nombre

Very intense depiction of the plight of illegal immigrants and the cruelty of gang members in Mexican culture. Acting is top-notch and all the technical aspects are solid. It’s not a real FUN movie, but sometimes it’s worth seeing something heavy.

Duplicity

** Spoiler alert! **
It’s impossible to discuss this movie without giving away the ending. Suffice to say, it misleads in the most clever way -- not by twisting the PLOT, though there’s plenty of that, but by twisting the THEME. The moral of the story is a whopper, and it comes out of nowhere. And like Michael Clayton, Tony Gilroy’s previous outing, you have to wait until the final scene to hear what it’s really about. Owen and Roberts are pros and deliver all their expertise to this full-court deception. It’s smart and enjoyable.

Sunshine Cleaning

At the risk of seeming derogatory, this was “chicky.” Really. The misleading trailer makes it look like a dark comedy, but there is a fair amount of sad drama, and a prominent sisterly relationship with a lot of sentiment and crying. Amy Adams and Emily Blunt are both great, but the script feels like a cobbled-together mosaic of Sundance movies –- trying to include every quirk and conflict from of a bevy of successful movies in hopes of creating a grand Sundance super-hybrid. Because of this, a lot of the story comes off as disingenuous. Thankfully Adams and Blunt breathe extra life into this Frankenstein monster of a screenplay, which made it narrowly tolerable for me. It might do more for the tissue-prone.

iMurder

The filmmakers stretched their dollars commendably, getting a good, recognizable cast to do small parts and cleverly spreading them evenly throughout the movie to create an ensemble. The technical aspects suffered though. The sound was crappy and the picture was muddy and camercorderish. And ultimately, like a lot of bigger horror films, the script made absolutely no sense.

Watchmen

If The Dark Knight is "The Godfather" of the superhero movies, then maybe Watchmen is the Apocalypse Now. (Or One From the Heart?) It’s uncompromising and audacious, paying the source novel the sincerest reverence while determined to dazzle and entertain. Though it’s been a while since I’ve read it, word is the filmmakers adhered strictly to the book’s plot. So the protracted running time makes it gangly, but never dull.

The best moments are when the movie strays from the still frames of comics and uses cinematic tools: music, montage, and action to breathe in some life. Superhero action is sparse, but when it comes (in a brutal prison sequence, for instance) it’s visceral and satisfying. The filmmakers relish in the the punches and kicks, the SNAPS and CRUNCHES of bones, and the hair-raising texture of broken glass. The cast has the most fun in these moments, too. Jackie Earle Haley plunges into Rorschach’s mania -- growling, kicking and screaming in the part he was born to play. The lovely Malin Akerman, divine in gravity-defying spandex, genuinely consumes the Silk Spectre, her majestic hair somehow reacting to cataclysms seconds before the rest of her.

The alternate reality is fun, too, and poignant. Nixon as president, Kennedy assassination, and ground zero references all make this a far-fetched cautionary parable -- rubbing-in the things we could have prevented so horribly misguided super-villains don’t always have to teach the world tough-love lessons.

You can’t really criticize this movie. What would be the point? It’s so specific, so specialized, to condemn it would be to immediately compare apples to oranges. It is what it must be: respectfully bloated, hyper-real, and at times when the big, blue, naked dude is on screen, downright eccentric. But it’s cool -- and totally unique.

Fired Up

Fired Up tried to be funny. So although a lot of the gags didn’t “land”, and the leads look old enough to be teachers in a high school, rather than students, this gets an “A” for effort. Extra credit goes to the music supervisor who, to create a soundtrack for the ubiquitous villain, chose some of the most annoying songs of the last 15 years, mining some of the movie’s biggest laughs. If only it was rated “R” so there could be more sex. That should be the point of a movie like this, right?

The First, Last Race

Jeff Jensen’s motorcycle documentary looking for distribution. Interesting subject-matter, but sluggishly paced. A sharp editor could give it a big boost.

Friday the 13th

It’s ironic that a movie about people being killed by sharp objects would be so dull. It’s a wasted opportunity to revive a franchise and bring something fresh to the genre. Yawn.

The International

I always like seeing Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, but man! The script was a frozen block of turd. I lost count of how many time a character exclaimed, “This could blow this case wide open!” Even lengthy shoot-outs lacked suspense and logic. It had a lot of potential, but they blew it in the execution.

Coraline

Superbly animated and amazing to behold, the story becomes weirder and weirder until it plunges through the looking-glass and into weird-ass, balls-tripping, Lewis Carroll territory. There were lengthy periods when I had no idea what was going on or what the HELL I was watching, but it sure was pretty. The fine work and detail is all on screen, and the filmmaking is commendable. But it’s freaky. Don’t take the kids.

Taken

Liam Neeson brings his super-human stoicism to what would otherwise qualify as revenge porn. The visceral reaction of the audience was hilarious. Lots of clapping and cheering when Neeson as the bad-ass dad would take down a room full of slimy, sex-slave pimps. It’s thankfully short and refreshingly uncompromising. But it won’t make you a better person.

Paul Blart - Mall Cop

Mirrors the Die Hard plot almost exactly, only with a fat guy in a mall. It’s admirable thievery I suppose, as Kevin James makes a likable lead. But it needs to be a lot funnier if it’s going to be that predictable.

Che

A mosaic of dramatic episodes from the life of Ernesto Guevara expertly filmed by Steven Soderbergh and company. Benicio Del Toro embodies his revolutionary character admirably and the battle sequences were stark and suspenseful. The movie takes great pains to not have a strong opinion one way or the other about the politics of Che. Unfortunately, this impairs the emotional punch of our hero’s journey. I almost always felt like an observer and never a participant in his struggle. The “war is futile” theme becomes strong in part 2. Che’s goals become foggy and it’s frustrating and sad to watch so much shooting for what appears to be no real reason. (They claim to be fighting for oppressed miners who we never see.) That’s clearly the point. And the summary of Che’s life, or the parts depicted in this movie, makes me wonder what it is exactly that would warrant buying the t-shirt. I suppose it’s the power of the people taking over the government for themselves? Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Slumdog Millionaire

After my second viewing, it’s worth mentioning that NO ONE I’ve talked to has disliked this movie. Even the people who claim to be ”so-so” about it can’t think of a single negative thing to say. We would all like to believe that art is subjective. Not everything is for everybody. But sometimes something comes along that IS for everybody -- a work of art made in such earnest that it’s fully embraced by the masses. The perfect film for that time and place. Lightning in a bottle. Something to aspire to? Or maybe just something to admire. Who knows? Maybe 12 years from now people will be scoffing at Slumdog Millionaire the way people do at Titanic. “I can’t believe that won best picture!? Why did the world get suckered-in to that movie so much?! It’s cheesy!” But Titanic did the same thing. It’s a great movie -- in the right place at the right time. Extra special proper respect should go to Dev Patel, who is freakishly enthusiastic as the nerd in love with a beautiful, unattainable woman. But he embodies his character with such a rare fervor, such uninhibited passion, he gives all of us nerds hope.

Waltz With Bashir

Totally original non-fiction animated tale of a soldier coming to terms with his post-traumatic stress. The hypnotic dreams the soldier describes are beautifully designed, but the motion seemed a little choppy and robotic -- a small price to pay for a radically different film. Heavy and downbeat, but worthwhile.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Featured a very cool opening credits sequence that harkened back to the old-time movie “spinning newspaper” montage. Photos and headlines shoot towards you as they reveal back-story about the evil axe-wielding miner. There’s also a chase with the psycho and a completely nude damsel that was good for a laugh. But the rest of the movie was stupid. The 3D was fun. Axes flying at you, and whatnot… But, yeah, stupid.

The Unborn

I don’t ask much of my scary movies. Any one of the three is acceptable: 1. Be funny. (i.e. Teeth) 2. Be original. (i.e. Baghead) 3. Be scary. (i.e. Quarantine) And don’t try to confuse me! The Unborn hides behind one ridiculous back-story revelation after another until it’s a brain-splitting avalanche of white noise. Nothing makes sense! Perhaps I’m guilty of expecting the impossible from what is obviously the turdy realm of PG-13 b-movies. Well, at least the girl was pretty.

Valkyrie

Not as terrible as everyone is saying. It’s Mission Impossible during World War 2, that’s all. It’s tense and schooled. Singer, Cruise and company barely dwell on period tanks, planes, and uniforms. It’s all about momentum, and the suspense that the conspirators might possibly take back their country. And he may be crazy, but Cruise is no idiot. He surrounds himself with the best English actors in the world. Like, TEN of ‘em! It’s truly, deep-down, in every way a thriller. The victims of Hitler are barely shown and you’ll never feel the lump in your throat you get from earnest Holocaust dramas. You’ll be too busy scarfing down popcorn like any other pulpy thriller.

Bolt

I feel a little bad for Buzz Lightyear. It’s not like his was the first storyline to feature a character stunned to learned they’re living in a movie. But the fact that it’s Disney and Toy Story doesn’t seem like it was that long ago and Bolt has the EXACT same character arc and storyline AND it was Executive Produced by the director of Toy Story! It just makes me a little cynical. So in spite of the great 3-D animation, I couldn’t stop thinking about Buzz Lightyear. So it felt a little hacky. Even the voice casting was gimmicky, and not nearly as inspired as the Pixar movies. But it isn’t a Pixar movie, is it? So why would I complain? It’s not like the movie was made for ME. It’s, you know, for kids.

Defiance

Starts out rough, with an inciting incident that happens off screen. The script is clunky, underdeveloped and amateurish, like it was written by an 8th grader who learned everything about WWII from videogames and Star Wars. So it takes a while to get into. Thankfully Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber serve as strong anchors, and after a while I started to get into it. It’s a worthy true story, there are some taut battle scenes and there’s some decent acting. But Oy! The script! It’s bupkis! It made me shvitz on my tuchus it was such schlock! Feh!