Orphan

It’s The Bad Seed meets Gaslight meets, I dunno, Sleepaway Camp? And sure, there’s a twist. But no twist, no matter how good, is worth what one must endure watching Orphan. It’s excruciating. It’s God-awful, and not in a “fun” way. In a worse-than-Transformers, I-can’t-wait-for-this-to-end, I’d-rather-be-at-the-dentist way. And it’s not even that the concept’s bad, or the acting for that matter. It’s the disrespect shown by the director to the audience. It’s the arrogance of wrongly assuming we’ve never seen any of these cheap startle tactics before. It’s the arrogance of making this horrific experience 123 minutes long, when it should have been 93. There’s nothing worse than terrible, unironic horror movies. I strongly dissuade! Yuck!