Spider-Man: Brand New Day

** SPOILER-MAN, SPOILER-MAN **

Who needs the multiverse when you have The X-Men? It’s been 11 years since Sony and Disney cut a deal allowing Spidey to cross over into the "Avengers" (and vice versa), and seven years since Disney acquired the "X-Men." That merger allowed for various franchise intersections, the first of which (I think) was a subtle meta-mashup when Evan Peters popped up in WandaVision. The real multiverse now is the web of corporate studio deals, where bitter rivals can collaborate and share as long as the cash keeps rolling in. The common denominator through it all? Jon Favreau’s “Happy Hogan.” How does the man find the time? 

Yes, Spidey gets an assist from various Avengers, Defenders, and Thunderbolts to battle one vindictive, little X-Man who happens to be more powerful than almost any superhero in existence: Jean Grey. While I’m not wildly familiar with her character beyond the movies, they depict her here as flat-out cruel, especially toward relatively innocent, friendly neighborhood Spider-people like Peter Parker. But it works. It’s dramatic. It gets you fired up as she passes her revenge-fueled psyche from New Yorker to New Yorker like the villain in that Denzel Washington movie Fallen. So for once, we get mind-bending chaos that isn't caused by Doctor Strange. 

Everyone turns in solid work here, and the thriller plot, despite a few obvious plot holes, holds together and keeps you hooked. A riveting, battle-royale finalé featuring "The Hand" feels surprisingly fresh and original, which is no small feat what with all the superhero content of late. As for Jon Favreau, let's make him the new Stan Lee. Put him in every single one of these movies. If he plays his cards right, he could pass Samuel L. Jackson to become the highest-grossing actor of all time. Let’s make it happen, super studios!

Spider-Man: No Way Home

Revisited this 2021 Spider-epic to refresh my memory for the upcoming chapter, and so I don’t confuse Spidey and MJ with Telemachus and Athena. If you REALLY sit down and dissect the plot of this, it makes NO sense. Peter wants Dr. Strange to go back in time and change human history so that his friends can get into college. And Dr. Strange says that’s a stupid idea, but does it anyway? And it backfires? So the space-time continuum rips open? Really? That’s the PLOT?? I get it. It’s all just a means to get all the stars from previous movies back so you can release an all-star, Avengers-type thing; or a superhero Altman movie. Tom Holland makes a good Spider-Man. He’s funny, physical, and sincere. They dip a toe back into the Sam Raimi “Jesus” themes, as Spidey must make a huge sacrifice for humanity. So, they’ve got that going for them, which is nice. The problem with the multiverse is: there are no rules. Nobody dies. Any character or any actor can come back at any time if Sony makes them an offer they can’t refuse.

The Furious

Efforts are made to push the kung fu envelope in this, not always to entertaining effect. Many of the kung fu revenge fantasies seem to be based around human trafficking, and this is no exception. The villains punch and kick children, which means when our kung fu hero answers the call he’ll be justified when he rips their heads off. But it’s not really escapism. It’s kind of a bummer when the kids get abused, even if child trafficking and abuse is the official GOP platform now. Envelope-pushing also extends to the length and elaborateness of the brawls – trying to out-Jackie-Chan Jackie Chan. The mêlées go on way, way too long and you wonder why nobody’s out of breath (see Atomic Blonde). It suffices to say the extensive martial arts are really impressive but the plot is threadbare and grim.

Atomic Blonde

Revisited this brutal 2017 action mêlée. Charlize is so physical here, it’s hard to know how she could bear to show up for work every day. She doesn’t officially declare what she wants until the very end, which is atypical for an action movie, so it’s refreshingly different, if enigmatic. The soundtrack is a new-wave bonanza.

Caddyshack

Catching this vintage comedy in modern times is a bit weird. There’s a strong setting, but there’s barely a plot. The hero Danny has a goal at the beginning which he completely rejects when it’s finally offered up to him. Logic and lucidity are out the window. It’s kind of an absurdist miracle. I give most of the credit to Ted Knight, gloriously uptight and everyone’s common enemy in this -- and the glue that barely holds together this scatterbrained, cinematic fugue.

The Odyssey

When are you supposed to pee?? Perhaps the only flaw in Christopher Nolan’s sensational, three-hour opus is knowing when to slip out to visit the “room.” Every couple of minutes another huge movie star enters the scene, brings their A-game, dazzles, and then the epic moves on to the next fantastic set-piece or battle scene beautifully filmed in IMAX. That’s the other thing: there are way more steps in the IMAX theater to navigate, causing your bathroom break to be longer, thus potentially missing an Oscar winner tearing it up in ancient Greece. Or Leguizamo and Holland giving the best performances of their careers. You literally can’t move from your seat for three hours. So, the Stadium Buddy™️ might be the best option. But you could also go in dehydrated. Homer might appreciate the suffering and hardship you’re putting yourself through to behold his 2700-year-old poem. Beholding is key. You gotta behold it for a few hours. We don’t all have giant bladders, Christopher. Cut us some slack.

All the Old Knives

Told in flashbacks, a couple of spies and ex-lovers meet for dinner to hash out a few unresolved work issues about terrorists and stuff. Likeable stars make this mildly interesting, but it’s sedentary and dialogue-heavy. Occasionally flashing back to sex scenes doesn’t really invigorate the proceedings, but you have to credit them for trying. Neither fish nor fowl, it plays a bit down the middle.

Wolfs

I dismissed this when it came out. First, it's streaming, so how good can it be? Seems like that could be a red flag with such big movie stars. Also, Clooney and Pitt have already been in a bunch of movies together, and it just felt like pandering. I didn't need to see another gloomy movie about hit men posing and preening. But I finally watched this on a plane, and the script is good. Really good. It starts out as a two-hander, then gradually expands into a crime world filled with shady characters and side-quests. Special kudos go to Austin Abrams, who stands toe-to-toe with these supernova movie stars and manages to be a big, funny pain in the ass. The Butch-and-Sundance "bromance" unfolds skillfully and pays off when the fixers finally put their heads together, iron out their differences, and figure out who's behind their night of problems. They call it "competence porn" when skilled people do the things they're skilled at, and that alone provides the entertainment value. I'm surprised this didn't make more of a splash, but I suppose it's a bit niche, too. Low-key, competent, restrained. A rare bird.

Toy Story 5

This story is not about the toys. Unlike the other "Toy Story" movies, this one really focuses on a person: the little girl who plays with the toys, Bonnie. Filmmakers plumbed the depths of childhood in a stunning and moving portrait of this shy girl. She's so authentically awkward and emotional. She behaves so much more like a 6-year-old than her true age of 8, which can be the case with kids in elementary school, as I remember. It's such a wildly rich and sympathetic ordeal, stemming from her being bullied by the cool kids for not having a tablet — and so unlike most little kids in movies, in which the 8-year-old is the coolest kid in the world, dresses really cool, talks like an adult, and invents a robot or a time machine or something. Yes, Jessie, Woody, and Buzz are there, helping Bonnie in all their nutty ways. But shy Bonnie is the star, and like the fictional toys, she's every bit human.