Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Creepy little animals that look like rats with monkey heads torment a family for no particular reason. Of course, no one in this movie has ever seen a movie before, so the parents don’t believe the little girl when she says she sees monsters in the house. And when there’s pretty clear evidence that there ARE monsters in the house, they don’t get the fuck out of the house! There’s nothing wrong with the execution, per se, it’s just a flawed premise from the get-go.

Attack the Block

The twist on the alien invasion genre, the attack happens in a London housing project plagued by petty, teenage criminals. There are a few pleasant surprises, but overall the movie’s too impressed with it’s own concept and fails to build an interesting story or a suspenseful plot. The rough and tumble, “Guy Richie” yobs keep you watching, which makes for a fun night, even if it’s clear this movie will not resonate for one second past the end credits.

Fright Night

Too dark! “But Doug! Shouldn’t a vampire movie BE dark??” Well, I don’t mean thematically dark. I mean the 3-D was too dark, and I couldn’t really see the action. Granted, there are some cool 3-D shots near the end, but I guess I’d rather actually SEE the movie. So far this year, Colin Ferrell played a Russian prisoner in the meathody drama The Way Back. Then he played one of the Horrible Bosses. So the guy’s versatile – I’ll give him that. He’s the best thing about Fright Night, which is an ordinary, suburban campfire tale with nothing new to add to the formula.

30 Minutes or Less

I wanted to like this. But I’ve decided I’m not a fan of Danny McBride. The Foot Fist Way was too long ago, and it’s time Danny McBride portrayed someone other than the loathsome rednecks he embodies in every single movie. The supporting characters in this are funny. Aziz Ansari milks every scene he’s in and manages to come out unscathed. Nick Swardson has a few funny moments, too. Too bad the movie wasn’t about them.

The Guard

Getting to know Brendan Gleeson’s corrupt foul-mouthed Irish cop is hilarious, and it makes the first half of The Guard a hoot. The plot and directing are on par for this kind of low-budget import. Nothing fancy. Don Cheadle makes a worthy foil and overall it’s a fun night, even if you can’t understand the dialogue because either a: the Irish accents are too strong, or b: you’re laughing too much.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

It’s difficult to say why I liked this so much. It’s full of surprises. The protagonist is not James Franco, or one of the other humans. The protagonist is Caesar, the one lucky chimp who survived a cruel medical trial. He’s the underdog, and he spends the first half of the movie getting kicked around by humans and apes alike. But he wants what EVERY animal wants, human or ape: he wants freedom. And he has what everyone wants: super intelligence. It’s a tasty dish of cold vengeance to watch him manipulate his way to the top of the food chain, while humankind manages to self destruct. A lot of the credit for the success Caesar's sympathetic ordeal should go to Andy Serkis, the performance capture artist who helped make Caesar the most subtle and complicated non-human character since "Wall-E." Everything about this was good, but again, I’m not sure why. Maybe I haven’t seen enough good movies lately. Or maybe I needed a really good underdog story. Or maybe Rise of the Planet of the Apes is just really well-made.