Black Adam

I watched this on my PHONE on the plane. It was teeny tiny. I couldn’t really tell what was going on. I think The Rock/Black Adam was the bad guy. And I think Pierce Brosnan was in it. 

We as a people have reached the pinnacle of computer-generated visual effects. Everything can be done. Nothing is amazing. It’s time to evolve and pursue new kinds of storytelling with the same financing and vigor that was behind all of the effects breakthroughs over the years. Everything Everywhere All at Once is an example (among many) of the kinds of risky stories that will help us move past the generic CG explosions of mediocrity.

Cocaine Bear

"Cocaine Bear" is the hero and protagonist of Cocaine Bear. Cocaine Bear loves cocaine and wants as much as possible. Cocaine Bear (whose actual name is "Rosemary," fun fact) faces numerous human obstacles trying to prevent her from getting cocaine. Most of the people in Cocaine Bear are depicted as unlikeable idiots so that when Cocaine Bear tears them apart, they’ll have deserved it for trying to prevent Cocaine Bear from getting cocaine. Unlike most drug cautionary tales, Cocaine Bear doesn’t have a moment of clarity or try to get help; Cocaine Bear’s tragedy is implied. There’s a finite amount of cocaine falling from the sky, and when it runs out, the idiots in the forest are really going to have a problem. The sequel should definitely be called, “Cocaine Withdrawal Bear.” If you see Cocaine Bear ripping out someone’s entrails, just remember that old axiom: “Bears -- just say no.”

Navalny

Noble and relevant doc about Russian Alexei Navalny’s efforts to oppose Putin for leadership of Russia. Interviews and insights are sharp. But the centerpiece of this – an incredible piece of footage – is Nevalny narrowing down who may have poisoned him on an airplane years before, and PRANK CALLING the suspects. The results are riveting.

Babylon

In the opening minutes of this 3-hour head-trip, an elephant being transported to an orgy poops all over two men. Then, soon afterwards, there’s the orgy. This is not subtle. It’s like it’s written by Hunter S. Thompson and directed by Baz Luhrman - but with super-long takes instead of lightning-quick cuts. I appreciate ambition, and I appreciate chaos, but there’s a fine line between these and self-indulgence, and it’s hard to tell the difference in this. It’s beautifully designed, and continuously watchable, despite all the pooping and barfing. The point of the entire thing, it seems, is to juxtapose three different results for trying to “make it” in Hollywood. Succeed and weep tears of joy with your success, smile and keep trying, and kill yourself. Damien Chazelle has an eye, for sure, but the story must matter more than the dog-and-pony show. So he might benefit more from being reined-in a little (see: Whiplash). Moments of how dangerous and chaotic the early days of filming were are played for comedy, but I bet there were some normal, non-orgy-goers helping, too.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

This was a GREAT movie… for seven-year-olds. In a story and script that feels like it was written by the effects people, the family of sub-atomic, size-changers get sucked into the “quantum realm.” Normally, I’m against a bunch of “world-building” but the rules of the realm are mysterious and fluid, much like the blobby creatures and structures that make up the realm. Why is it the way that it is? Atypically, Michelle Pfeiffer carries the water here. It’s her decisions, both good and bad that make up the story and push the plot, which is less goofy than previous Ant-Mans. And because it’s called "Ant-Man," it’s Paul Rudd who has to fight the "big bad" at the end. It’s always funny that these deities with all of these superpowers just punch it out at the end in a dirty street fight. She-Hulk found a hilarious workaround of this trope, which is well-worth checking out on Disney Plus. In a lot of ways, I’ve liked the Marvel TV shows a little more than the movies lately. More story risk, less exploding eyeball candy. Wanda’s dreams and goals in Wanda/Vision are so much more interesting than Kang's. What does Kang want? What’s his deal? They say the best villains in a story are ones that believe they are the hero. I guess we’ll learn more about Kang in future episodes. Per Chip n Dale: Rescue Rangers, here’s hoping it’s called “Aunt Man.”

Marlowe

This Marlowe is Raymond Chandler’s Marlowe, but Chandler isn’t really the voice or the story engine here. This is a “what if” Marlowe. What if Marlowe was an old guy, like 70? Too old to get the girl. What if Marlowe couldn’t really fight like he used to? What if Hollywood looks like it used to…(Spain, apparently)? I more or less enjoyed this vintage gumshoe yarn, intended to be a piece of nostalgia. It’s not very complex and it’s not Earth-shatteringly original. But lots of cigarettes get smoked and a few hard-boiled zingers are tossed around. If the intention was to invoke the past - that is: the artificial Hollywood past, then Neil Jordan and company get an A for effort. But, I mean, it’s no “Poker Face.”

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

I still believe: marveling in technique is worthwhile, but not as satisfying as marveling in a hero’s plight. This is all about technique. And the technique is beautiful. An old-fashioned, stop motion, explosion of creativity. You can’t help but admire the work hours and dedication that went into this. It’s weird at times, and all the characters are grotesque looking. Could there be just one pleasant, cute-looking character? There’s less allegory here than a normal fairy tale; storytelling is “on the nose” as Pinocchio unwillingly becomes an outright fascist. The ambition is through the roof, and I’m grateful for Guillermo’s love of his art and its possibilities. Still, it’s gross and sometimes nightmarish. Not for kids. Not for adults. I wonder who this movie is for?

The Triangle of Sadness

** SPOILER ALERT ** 

Watching this was a miserable experience. The first half of this Amazon presentation, the audio was not in sync with the picture. Which means the words that the actors are saying don’t match their moving lips. Trying to watch a movie like this is a bit like having a stroke. I could barely look at the screen. After a long session of Googling I was finally able to find the Amazon audio setting which would allow the sync sound to be correct. But that didn’t really help the story very much. 

It’s too bad. Lots of care went into the rocking of the boat. Sets were designed. Hydraulics were engineered. Dishware was broken. Actors were cast to play the assholes who barf on themselves during the rocking of the boat. I’m certain numerous crew members worked very hard to rock the hydraulic boat set. But almost no effort was made to create any compelling or likable characters about whom you would worry if their boat exploded and sank which is what happens. Once the remaining assholes are stranded on the desert island (which is a few hundred unexplored yards from a luxury resort, apparently) the power dynamic shifts, but they’re all still a bunch of assholes. Not to mention the off-screen rescue crew, who are ALSO a bunch of assholes for not realizing that a big ship full of passengers exploded and washed up on a beach and need to be rescued before the housekeeping staff rapes and exploits everyone to death. The Academy voters who nominated this movie for best picture are all psychopaths. Also, as a final kick in the balls, this terrible movie ends on a cliffhanger, which means we should expect a sequel possibly titled, “The Octagon of Despair.”

Emily the Criminal

Tight, tense thriller which astutely establishes Emily’s (Aubrey Plaza) shitty financial situation based on bad, bad luck and a few bad choices. Motivating the anti-hero so skillfully builds a strong sympathy that pushes you to follow her decent/ascent into the crimes, and ultimately taking charge of her own narrative. Supporting characters are all strong; better than average. Nuts-and-bolts explanations of the criminal enterprise and the “rules” Emily is supposed to follow are refreshingly clear. Emily’s inexperience dismissing the guidlines has real dramatic consequences. It’s a strong, non-snarky addition to the already bold Aubrey Plaza oeuvre. 

Oeuvre! Wow. Look at me! So fancy with the fancy words.