Cocaine Bear

"Cocaine Bear" is the hero and protagonist of Cocaine Bear. Cocaine Bear loves cocaine and wants as much as possible. Cocaine Bear (whose actual name is "Rosemary," fun fact) faces numerous human obstacles trying to prevent her from getting cocaine. Most of the people in Cocaine Bear are depicted as unlikeable idiots so that when Cocaine Bear tears them apart, they’ll have deserved it for trying to prevent Cocaine Bear from getting cocaine. Unlike most drug cautionary tales, Cocaine Bear doesn’t have a moment of clarity or try to get help; Cocaine Bear’s tragedy is implied. There’s a finite amount of cocaine falling from the sky, and when it runs out, the idiots in the forest are really going to have a problem. The sequel should definitely be called, “Cocaine Withdrawal Bear.” If you see Cocaine Bear ripping out someone’s entrails, just remember that old axiom: “Bears -- just say no.”