Postal

Imagine George Carlin telling a joke. Now imagine that same joke as told by a humorless German nerd in broken English. Not so funny right? Uwe Boll, the German director notoriously branded one of the worst in movie history tries to tell a lot of jokes in his latest movie Postal. And they all fall really flat. Like “crickets” flat.

So when I hear that there’s a free screening of the worst director in the world’s new movie, and the worst director in the world is going to BE THERE for Q&A, how can I resist? There are genuinely ballsy attempts at satire here, mostly criticizing violent American movies. There are moments of true tastelessness played for comedy that COULD have been brilliant: during a botched heist, innocent bystanders get picked-off during a shoot-out. And they erupt in a slow-motion hail of bullets, à la John Woo. But they’re CHILDREN! During the same heist, gun-toting, bikini-clad hench-women are dispatched to “seduce” and “distract” ominous guards. They return smeared with body fluids, including poo. And the jewel in the crown: a live cat is used as an impromptu gun silencer.

What’s sad is, it’s not so much that Uwe Boll’s ideas are terrible and unfunny. Tasteless can work. Ask John Waters. It’s that there’s no irony. He’s not "in" on the joke. He doesn’t realize he’s so terrible. Which takes you out of “fun Ed Wood territory”, and into “awkward nerd who thinks he’s funny” territory. So the whole thing goes over like grandma farting at church. Sure, it seems like it might be funny. Until it happens. Then it’s not so funny. It’s just sad.