Twilight

What if Judy Blume wrote a vampire book? "Are you there God? It's me, Bella?" This is a weepy, sappy melodrama bereft of conflict, so much so that the thin plot contrives a villain two-thirds in just to create some jeopardy. Robert Pattinson fares well as the emo vampire, but Kristen Stewart sulks and pouts enough to make you wonder what the hell Edward sees in her in the first place. For that matter, why would Edward bother going to high school at all? He says it's because he can stay in town longer, but any job at Starbucks would accomplish the same thing. I could feel the women in the audience swoon at certain key points -- it reminds me of this decade’s Legends of the Fall. But beyond the swoon-factor for the ladies there’s very little to recommend.