The Thing

The filmmakers of this prequel have a FUNDAMENTAL misunderstanding of what made the John Carpenter movie so great. The creature in John Carpenter’s paranoid masterpiece imitates humans. Therefore, like the other guys stranded in Antarctica, you never know who has been snatched by the thing and who hasn’t. This is where the suspense comes from. But in this catastrophic rehash, the creature is always in its slimy, mutating, goopy phase, and never seems to successfully imitate anything. Poof! There goes the suspense, dumbass remakers.