Megalopolis

“I’m Francis Coppola. Welcome to my Ted Talk.” The social media meanies are saying that this is a “piece of shit” and “the worst movie ever made.” Neither of those things are true. It’s bad. Yes. But it’s more dull and dumb than sickeningly awful. The loose plot structure involving inventers, urban planners, mayors, and rich assholes serves only for the characters to stand atop interesting sets and pontificate about the state of the world and the future. It’s an essay. 

At first it seems like the hero is Adam Driver (“Cesar”) but in fact, as Kristen Haldeman Kauffman pointed out,  the hero seems to be Natalie Emmanuel (“Julia”) the rich, well-read, party-girl daughter of the mayor. She falls in love with Cesar the inventor, and seems to re-direct her purpose in life to build him up, serve him, and bear children. But she also brokers peace between the families and factions. This is heroic (ibid). It’s no coincidence that this seems like the role that Coppola’s wife Eleanor played for him - the doting wife; the supporting role of the genius. 

But, I mean… It’s like it was edited with farm equipment. Scenes go on way too long. Pointless scenes stay in. Bad lines stay in. The music starts when it shouldn’t and ends when it shouldn’t. And there’s WAY, WAY, WAY too much Shia LaBeouf in drag. At times it feels like a William Castle prank, like when an usher at our theater “participates,” paying homage to Rocky Horror. Is it bad? Yes. Am I recommending it? No, I am not. But it’s possible that within this ugly chunk of marble there was a beautiful sculpture that the old man just didn’t have time to finish.