screen |skr_n| |skrin| |skri_n| noun • a blank, typically white or silver surface on which a photographic image is projected : the world's largest movie screen • movies or television; the motion-picture industry : she's a star of the stage as well as the screen. verb [ trans. ] • protect (someone) from something dangerous or unpleasant • evaluate or analyze (something) for its suitability for a particular purpose or application


Tuesday, January 13, 2026

The Fountain of Youth

Open Letter to Guy Richie: 

Dear Guy, 

You are not Michael Bay. You don’t need to be Michael Bay. We have a Michael Bay. It’s Michael Bay. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to be Michael Bay. I mean, Michael Bay is a successful bloke. And if Michael Bay isn’t available for some reason, you could do it, I suppose? It’s a paycheck. And, I mean, ya gotta eat, right? I don’t blame you. But should you decide to take a crack at making movies about tough-talking soccer hooligans capping each other in Brixton, and it doesn’t have any helicopters, I will support you. 

Until then: Cheers, bugger off ya muppet, bob’s your uncle or whatever.

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