Air

This very small, very personal, scaled-back story reminded me of the old, straight-to-video HBO biopics. It’s not hugely ambitious, and the conflict is somewhat benign. But it’s a fascinating true story and all of the low-key filmmaking is truly expert. It’s Matt Damon’s movie and he nails the middle-aged schlub perfectly. It’s hard to imagine him beating anyone’s ass in the “Bournes” as he shoves down snack foods and argues on the phone. But he takes full ownership of this passionate American square, and he might get an Oscar nomination for its easy authenticity.

Guardians of the Galaxy Volume 3

“Christ” Pratt is the worst part of this movie. It’s Rocket the Racoon’s story, and James Gunn et al dip into an animal experimentation backstory that’s impossibly poignant. How’d they do it? I’m not sure. Excellent planning, excellent voice-over acting, sympathetic but grotesque creatures straight out of the Island of Misfit Toys, and arresting music. They really achieved something special, somehow in a comic book extravaganza, lighting a little fuse underneath the concept of the ethical treatment of animals. As for the rest, there’s a bunch of space fighting and Pew! Pew! Pew! and you know the drill. It’s easy to look forward to non-Pratt sequels. They might have a new leading man in Rocket.

Ghosted

In a gender role reversal, or an upturn of True Lies, the badass spy is the woman and the screaming passenger/sidekick is the dude. The title and marketing of this movie was sloppy. The “ghosted” part of the story represents about  .01% of the concept. But efforts to deconstruct action movie tropes are funny and welcome, especially a bit in the middle riffing on stunt casting notorious assassins, their badass nicknames, and their unwillingness to see when they’re a target. This barnburner has the emotional weight of a dandelion leaf. But there’s plenty of action-movie eye-candy and a couple of big laughs.

Dungeons & Dragons: Honor Among Thieves

This reminded me a lot of the Gore Verbinski Pirates of the Caribbean movies. It’s a frivolous happy meal - enjoyable all the way through if not that original. Do things need to be original to be enjoyable? Monsters and magic and running and wisecracks. In the old days they used to call this a “popcorn” movie.

Tetris

Like the video game itself, this drew me in and got me hooked. It’s a deceptively simple biopic at first, but gradually and cleverly turns into a cold-war thriller. Who knows how much of this weird stuff actually happened? But according to the film, the Russians did everything they could do to make this deal as overly complicated as possible; trying to beat the capitalists at their own game. It’s a miracle we have the game at all, the way they sabotaged themselves. It’s well-acted, fast-paced, and shines a light on a weird little story that most of us never knew.

John Wick 4

John Wick is slowing down. It’s true. Once he dispatches an anonymous minion, they writhe around on the floor for a few seconds before they spring up for round 2, giving John Wick a second to reset and catch his breath. You can’t blame the filmmakers -- the man is 58! So as I predicted, the “gun-fu” has become less fu and more gun. They even brought in a frenemy side-kick, Donnie Yen, to take up some of the kung fu “Wing Chun” slack, but you just never know where this guy stands in the endlessly complicated cabal of assassins and rules and tokens and chits, all being led by a young Skarsgård (it’s impossible to know which one, there are so many). As filmmakers raise the stakes, we enter much more of a superhero/fantasy world. Four-story falls are survivable, entire buildings explode, and the modern-day Samurai code-of-ethics, referred to as “the high table” become more and more murky. It’s not just as simple as a dog anymore (until it is). Several of the brawls are some of the most creative of their kind ever filmed. They seem to go on and on, Sisyphean, exhausting, visceral, and wildly entertaining. This is it: the Citizen Kane of gun-fu, birthed, some would say, by John Woo. As I get older and more cynical, I appreciate more and more when the filmmakers' love of movies and desire to entertain is so obvious. They have served. They will be of service.

John Wick 3

Rewatched this chapter in the action saga to try and remember HOW all the rules of the secret assassin cabal play-out. It’s complicated! Lots of tokens and coins and vouchers and stuff.

The Pink Panther

For the first time as an adult we revisited this, the first appearance of Peter Sellers' Inspector Clouseau from the early 1960s. Very long, highly-choreographed shticky sequences, most of which have to do with 4 different guys trying to get with the same lady. I guess this kind of farce goes all the way back to Shakespeare and Greek theater, but it feels kinda dated and rapey now. The one-named actress who does the heavy lifting here is Capucine, who seems to have been historically under-appreciated. It’s still impeccably timed, but the women aren’t given a lot of agency in these sexy, sexy matters.

The Wrecking Crew

Finished in 2008 but released in 2015, this is a fascinating music doc exploring a subject I know very little about: the session musicians in Los Angeles who, almost anonymously, played on some of the most famous recordings of the 60s and 70s. Sinatra. Elvis. The Beach Boys. The Byrds. The Mamas and the Papas. While it’s not a uniformly tight or technically marvelous doc, the personal anecdotes of the musicians and the loving details about how the rock-n-roll sausage was made is fascinating, enlightening, and highly worthwhile. Learning where the bassline came from in the opening seconds of “These Boots are Made for Walking” sung by Nancy Sinatra is revelatory.

Sharper

Con artist movies are usually built around an ensemble of shady types conning each other. A spectrum of reluctantly shady and unapologetically shady. But for a con artist movie to work, the filmmakers have to con the audience as well. This is a desirable thing for audiences who like “art of the con” stories. But it’s pretty easy to trick an audience with movie magic – you mainly just omit key information. Sharper uses all kinds of filmmaking and storytelling trickery to leave the audience in the dark. Omitted conversations, time jumps, flashbacks, and unreliable narrators twist the movie reality and take the viewer on a mind-bending ride. If you like slick, scam stories, that’s a good thing. But maybe Sharper withholds for a little too long, and you’re often guessing who you should be following and who the protagonist is. Characters you thought were important end up just standing there during key scenes, because their bit’s been played-out already. And plot-wise a lot of this is pretty predictable if you’ve seen The Sting, so it’s the characters that hold it together. It’s a well-made movie, but in terms of satisfaction, it’s a mixed bag.

Black Adam

I watched this on my PHONE on the plane. It was teeny tiny. I couldn’t really tell what was going on. I think The Rock/Black Adam was the bad guy. And I think Pierce Brosnan was in it. 

We as a people have reached the pinnacle of computer-generated visual effects. Everything can be done. Nothing is amazing. It’s time to evolve and pursue new kinds of storytelling with the same financing and vigor that was behind all of the effects breakthroughs over the years. Everything Everywhere All at Once is an example (among many) of the kinds of risky stories that will help us move past the generic CG explosions of mediocrity.

Cocaine Bear

"Cocaine Bear" is the hero and protagonist of Cocaine Bear. Cocaine Bear loves cocaine and wants as much as possible. Cocaine Bear (whose actual name is "Rosemary," fun fact) faces numerous human obstacles trying to prevent her from getting cocaine. Most of the people in Cocaine Bear are depicted as unlikeable idiots so that when Cocaine Bear tears them apart, they’ll have deserved it for trying to prevent Cocaine Bear from getting cocaine. Unlike most drug cautionary tales, Cocaine Bear doesn’t have a moment of clarity or try to get help; Cocaine Bear’s tragedy is implied. There’s a finite amount of cocaine falling from the sky, and when it runs out, the idiots in the forest are really going to have a problem. The sequel should definitely be called, “Cocaine Withdrawal Bear.” If you see Cocaine Bear ripping out someone’s entrails, just remember that old axiom: “Bears -- just say no.”

Navalny

Noble and relevant doc about Russian Alexei Navalny’s efforts to oppose Putin for leadership of Russia. Interviews and insights are sharp. But the centerpiece of this – an incredible piece of footage – is Nevalny narrowing down who may have poisoned him on an airplane years before, and PRANK CALLING the suspects. The results are riveting.

Babylon

In the opening minutes of this 3-hour head-trip, an elephant being transported to an orgy poops all over two men. Then, soon afterwards, there’s the orgy. This is not subtle. It’s like it’s written by Hunter S. Thompson and directed by Baz Luhrman - but with super-long takes instead of lightning-quick cuts. I appreciate ambition, and I appreciate chaos, but there’s a fine line between these and self-indulgence, and it’s hard to tell the difference in this. It’s beautifully designed, and continuously watchable, despite all the pooping and barfing. The point of the entire thing, it seems, is to juxtapose three different results for trying to “make it” in Hollywood. Succeed and weep tears of joy with your success, smile and keep trying, and kill yourself. Damien Chazelle has an eye, for sure, but the story must matter more than the dog-and-pony show. So he might benefit more from being reined-in a little (see: Whiplash). Moments of how dangerous and chaotic the early days of filming were are played for comedy, but I bet there were some normal, non-orgy-goers helping, too.

Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania

This was a GREAT movie… for seven-year-olds. In a story and script that feels like it was written by the effects people, the family of sub-atomic, size-changers get sucked into the “quantum realm.” Normally, I’m against a bunch of “world-building” but the rules of the realm are mysterious and fluid, much like the blobby creatures and structures that make up the realm. Why is it the way that it is? Atypically, Michelle Pfeiffer carries the water here. It’s her decisions, both good and bad that make up the story and push the plot, which is less goofy than previous Ant-Mans. And because it’s called "Ant-Man," it’s Paul Rudd who has to fight the "big bad" at the end. It’s always funny that these deities with all of these superpowers just punch it out at the end in a dirty street fight. She-Hulk found a hilarious workaround of this trope, which is well-worth checking out on Disney Plus. In a lot of ways, I’ve liked the Marvel TV shows a little more than the movies lately. More story risk, less exploding eyeball candy. Wanda’s dreams and goals in Wanda/Vision are so much more interesting than Kang's. What does Kang want? What’s his deal? They say the best villains in a story are ones that believe they are the hero. I guess we’ll learn more about Kang in future episodes. Per Chip n Dale: Rescue Rangers, here’s hoping it’s called “Aunt Man.”

Marlowe

This Marlowe is Raymond Chandler’s Marlowe, but Chandler isn’t really the voice or the story engine here. This is a “what if” Marlowe. What if Marlowe was an old guy, like 70? Too old to get the girl. What if Marlowe couldn’t really fight like he used to? What if Hollywood looks like it used to…(Spain, apparently)? I more or less enjoyed this vintage gumshoe yarn, intended to be a piece of nostalgia. It’s not very complex and it’s not Earth-shatteringly original. But lots of cigarettes get smoked and a few hard-boiled zingers are tossed around. If the intention was to invoke the past - that is: the artificial Hollywood past, then Neil Jordan and company get an A for effort. But, I mean, it’s no “Poker Face.”

Guillermo del Toro's Pinocchio

I still believe: marveling in technique is worthwhile, but not as satisfying as marveling in a hero’s plight. This is all about technique. And the technique is beautiful. An old-fashioned, stop motion, explosion of creativity. You can’t help but admire the work hours and dedication that went into this. It’s weird at times, and all the characters are grotesque looking. Could there be just one pleasant, cute-looking character? There’s less allegory here than a normal fairy tale; storytelling is “on the nose” as Pinocchio unwillingly becomes an outright fascist. The ambition is through the roof, and I’m grateful for Guillermo’s love of his art and its possibilities. Still, it’s gross and sometimes nightmarish. Not for kids. Not for adults. I wonder who this movie is for?

The Triangle of Sadness

** SPOILER ALERT ** 

Watching this was a miserable experience. The first half of this Amazon presentation, the audio was not in sync with the picture. Which means the words that the actors are saying don’t match their moving lips. Trying to watch a movie like this is a bit like having a stroke. I could barely look at the screen. After a long session of Googling I was finally able to find the Amazon audio setting which would allow the sync sound to be correct. But that didn’t really help the story very much. 

It’s too bad. Lots of care went into the rocking of the boat. Sets were designed. Hydraulics were engineered. Dishware was broken. Actors were cast to play the assholes who barf on themselves during the rocking of the boat. I’m certain numerous crew members worked very hard to rock the hydraulic boat set. But almost no effort was made to create any compelling or likable characters about whom you would worry if their boat exploded and sank which is what happens. Once the remaining assholes are stranded on the desert island (which is a few hundred unexplored yards from a luxury resort, apparently) the power dynamic shifts, but they’re all still a bunch of assholes. Not to mention the off-screen rescue crew, who are ALSO a bunch of assholes for not realizing that a big ship full of passengers exploded and washed up on a beach and need to be rescued before the housekeeping staff rapes and exploits everyone to death. The Academy voters who nominated this movie for best picture are all psychopaths. Also, as a final kick in the balls, this terrible movie ends on a cliffhanger, which means we should expect a sequel possibly titled, “The Octagon of Despair.”

Emily the Criminal

Tight, tense thriller which astutely establishes Emily’s (Aubrey Plaza) shitty financial situation based on bad, bad luck and a few bad choices. Motivating the anti-hero so skillfully builds a strong sympathy that pushes you to follow her decent/ascent into the crimes, and ultimately taking charge of her own narrative. Supporting characters are all strong; better than average. Nuts-and-bolts explanations of the criminal enterprise and the “rules” Emily is supposed to follow are refreshingly clear. Emily’s inexperience dismissing the guidlines has real dramatic consequences. It’s a strong, non-snarky addition to the already bold Aubrey Plaza oeuvre. 

Oeuvre! Wow. Look at me! So fancy with the fancy words.

The Menu

** MAJOR SPOILERS **

I usually enjoy anything that takes the piss out of the “foodies.” But I didn’t get this. I wanted to like it. Really. I feel dumb for not getting it. Reading the tone from the beginning, you know that somebody’s going to be poisoned or cannibalized or something. You just know. It’s that kind of movie. So, when the weirdness starts, it’s not that surprising. It’s puzzling why none of the diners fight back. Grab a fork and take out somebody’s eye. It might have been more interesting if we found out they were all suicidal. It’s unclear to me why a cheeseburger would be the thing that would allow the heroine to escape. I don’t really get the subtext. What was the theme of this? What’s the point? What’s the parable part of it? Seems to me that the only reason why filmmakers made THIS particular movie is because it all took place in one room and they could make a Covid pod. Otherwise, I didn’t see the point and it… (dramatic pause) …left a bad taste in my mouth.

The Banshees of Inisherin

** TOP of THE SPOILER-ALERT to YA **

I’ve been having trouble understanding the parables and analogies lately. Despite some beautiful scenery and some great acting, I don’t get why this took the dark turns that it did. An older man named “Colm” who CLEARLY loves and cares about his younger friend and drinkin’ buddy “Padraic” issues a coo-coo-bananas ultimatum based on the premise that all of this drinkin’ and talkin’ has prevented him from spending time making the music he wants to make. Well, shut up and go make music then! Quit being a baby! In a normal, real, non-parabolic setting with proper antibiotics this man would be institutionalized for his mental illness, but because it’s 1920-whatever and because they live in a sad Irish town of 23 people, Colm’s mania gets shrugged off. It’s incredibly sad and I’m not sure what to take away from this. I’m not pickin’ up what they’re puttin’ down. Could somebody call me and explain what it all symbolizes? Otherwise, maybe I’ll just watch Belfast again.

The Pale Blue Eye

This grimy period piece set at West Point Academy starts strong. Character development and world-building be damned -- filmmakers get to the murder and introduce their crime-solving genius (Christian Bale and his eye mole) quickly and expertly. The first half is an exciting, fast-paced murder mystery. But as the clues unfold, it’s difficult to keep the pieces together. Not so much the weapons or the dead bodies but the MOTIVES of the anonymous killer. As a period procedural, it succeeds for the most part. But the pace slows down near the end and the film becomes less fun and more maudlin as the real killer and the real motives are revealed. Christian Bale is always top-notch, as is the rest of the cast, many of whom are British dudes who were in "Harry Potter" at one time or another. And although it’s fiction, attention to the period details feels realistic and accurate. Admittedly, the ending is a bit of a downer, but getting there had some fun sequences.

Zombieland: Double Tap

It’s fun getting the band back together, but at times the wise-crackery gets in the way of the storytelling. Quality sequences of zombie mayhem, but a watered-down emotional core.

Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Chrystal Skull

Apparently, I saw this twice in one day when it first came out in 2008. I must have been drunk because I barely remember any of it. Problems with the script and the plot abound, but man! There are some juicy chases.

Good Night Oppy

A super-duper sappy and sentimental documentary about a robot. But it really works. The strong attachment to the Mars Rover by the JPL crew is genuine, and their hard work and awe of their success, building a space robot that was meant to last 90 days and lasted 14 years, often brings the interviewees to tears. Their love of science and space is awe-inspiring. It’s a very human movie, but it’s molded into a Spielbergian emotional odyssey by the filmmakers, especially the composer Blake Neely. Much of this is bittersweet, though. Because although it demonstrates what smart people can do if they work together, it’s also an indictment of our recent anti-science political leaders and the irreversible damage they’ve caused to human progress.

Doug's Favorite Movies of 2022

Everything Everywhere All at Once

The Northman

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

Prey

Good Night Oppy

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

Violent Night

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

Honorable Mention:

Kimi

Avatar: The Way of Water

Emily the Criminal

Die Hard

Rewatched this often-imitated action classic on Christmas because a: Kristen Haldeman Kauffman had never seen it and b: Christmas. It’s interesting what a slow build the opening hour is. Hardly any explosions. These days the action is full-steam by minute 15.

Glass Onion: A Knives Out Mystery

The filmmakers say that all of this makes sense. The filmmakers say if you watch multiple times, all the clues are there and it all ties together. My old, tired brain can’t keep track of all the pieces in real time, but this was FUN. The actors really seem like they’re enjoying themselves. (Oh, boo hoo. Poor them! Filming a movie in a beautiful resort in Greece. Rough times!) It’s Agatha Christie on Red Bull, it’s luxury wish-fulfillment, and it thoroughly entertains.

The Volcano: Rescue from Whakaari

This documentary about tourists getting fried by an active volcano milks the suspense and the peril to death. What happened to the sightseers is awful and it’s clear that precautions weren’t taken by the guys in charge. It’s an interesting story, but a downer cautionary tale about the… DANGERS of peering into ACTIVE VOLCANOS.

Jurassic World Dominion

Trying to resurrect something from the distant past can be foolhardy and dangerous. That’s what filmmakers did by dusting off the original Jurassic Park cast to spice up the far inferior Jurassic World franchise. To be honest, it was nice to see those oldies, although they didn’t have much to do. What stands out here is not the par-for-the-course, scary dino chases, or the cool, wisecracking-under-fire repartee, but that there was actually an attempt to invoke a Michel Crichton-esque scientific commentary on the dangers of genetic modification. There’s a real dig at Monsanto here and I think Crichton would be pleased, because although it’s fiction, it’s scarily possible. Otherwise, CG dinosaurs roar, people run, yadda yadda yadda. Bryce Dallas Howard ends up in a swamp. She was a good sport about that.

8 Bit Christmas

If a kid sets his sights on a toy at the beginning of the movie, I don’t care how many lessons about Christmas or materialism the kids needs to learn, he should GET that goddamn toy at the end of the movie. So, this throwback comedy tries to teach a bunch of “Treasure of the Sierra Madre” lessons about greed and materialism, but at the end: the kid gets a dumb present that he NEVER asked for. Dumb and lame, not bittersweet. A big, derivative letdown.

Uncharted

It’s a cinematic version of “top this.” Raiders of the Lost Arc is going to do this? Well WE’RE going to do this!! Goonies and National Treasure are going to do this? Well WE’RE going to do THIS!! It’s a suitable, action-packed airplane movie, but you don’t walk away with a lot of heavy, philosophical undertones.

Avatar: The Way of Water

Marveling in someone’s technique doesn’t last as long as being moved by a hero’s plight. As technically trailblazing as this is, it takes a LONG time for the heroes to dive into the conflict, and there’s a lot of swimming with sci-fi whales in the meantime. The burden of world-building yields amazing visuals, but beyond that it’s really hard to distinguish all the different blue people, except the one that looks like Sigourney Weaver. And to dust off the old villain is just lazy. I always say this, but I admire the love of movies. I admire the desire to entertain and dazzle. So it’s an A+ for dazzle. But I hunger for the hero’s journey.

Violent Night

“Someone should just re-make Die Hard with Santa Claus in place of John McClane,” said some studio executive, probably. “To decide for certain that Die Hard is a Christmas movie”, that same eager studio exec, probably. But to raise the stakes and achieve the necessary body count, the heist has to be big. And for the heist to be big, we have to get to know the rich assholes that have all the money, which is too bad. Because we would really rather be watching Santa Claus kill some motherfuckers with a sledgehammer. It’s really enjoyable. And it’s a new Christmas tradition.

Tár

Orchestra conductor Lydia Tár is an asshole. Sure she’s talented and yes, she’s smart. But she’s shitty to everyone around her but her 8-year-old daughter, and even then it’s touch-and-go. There are long, long scenes of her being awful to her music students and abusing her power by favoring young, potential hook-ups. She’s shitty to her co-workers and her neighbors. She’s both obsessed with and derides youth and new points of view. Her bout of writer’s block is well-deserved and eventually she melts down all together. Blanchett is always good, but this is not much different from her typical Blue Jasmine-esque uptight basket-cases. The point of the movie seems to be: even if you spend two and a half hours burning all your bridges, you still get to do what you love as long as you move far, far away. I didn’t really get this, and I’m not really impressed.

Willow

In the old days, the rules of the blog were simple: anything seen in the theater belonged on the blog. But when the pandemic hit the rules had to change - movies watched on video could go on the blog, but only MOVIES, not TV shows. So, but, then, along comes Willow, which is a TV show but I watched it in the theater with a crowd. Therefore, according to the old rules, it gets a write-up. This is the way. 

Almost to prove a point, this dives right into the action, leaving much of the character building until the rag-tag, motley crew has assembled and the quest has begun. It’s female-centric and thankfully not reliant upon the princess finding a husband. There’s a refreshing deconstruction of the regular tropes. It’s fairly smark-alecky and when Warwick Davis’ title character appears, he’s full of Nelwyn sass. Not much wizardy magic in these first two episodes, but plenty is foreshadowed. So, I’d say so far so good. Can they keep up this plot-filled pace?

The Fabelmans

Spielberg’s version of a Woody Allen movie. Lots of bickering and Jewish jokes. It’s highly autobiographical, and heartfelt for sure. It’s episodic, but while the episodes themselves are interesting, the sum of the parts out-measure the whole. While the episodes: a piano rehearsal, a camping trip, a visit from an uncle, a high-school film screening, an awkward encounter at a camera store, feel authentic and personal, it’s unclear what the underlying THEME is, other than, I suppose, Mrs. Spielberg… DOH! I mean: Mrs. Fabelman is in the wrong marriage. Michelle Williams, as always, is great, as is the rest of the cast. But if the whole point is to depict the painful divorce of Spielberg’s parents, there’s not a lot of emotional resolution. The final scene, the best in the movie, resonates more than anything else, as the young Spielberg analogue receives some sage advice from a certain Hollywood guru.

Disenchanted

It’s confusing why Disney didn’t release this in theaters. Maybe the problem was it would compete with other Disney movies? It’s a fun and funny meta-musical. As always, Amy Adams owns her part expertly from beginning to end. And while it’s not as mind-blowingly original as its predecessor, it’s still a delightful watch. A high-quality, non-theatrical video.

The Spy Who Dumped Me

Laverne & Shirley become spies. Or maybe "Lucy and Ethel." It’s a girl-power, best-friend, physical schtick fest. Lots of witty banter during chases and shoot-outs. It could be shorter, and the plot and resolution isn’t largely hilarious, but the charisma of the leads keeps it aloft, barely, for video/airplane viewing.

Weird: The Al Yankovic Story

Details of Al Yankovic’s true life story are remarkable. From his gritty, traumatic, abusive childhood, to his tumultuous affair with Madonna, from his feud with Michael Jackson, to his violent confrontation of a Colombian drug cartel, Al’s behind-the-scenes life was a far cry from the frivolity and silliness you hear on Dr. Demento. You can see why he would want to do an dirty, honest, authentic telling of his story – warts and all, so people can learn about the real man and the suffering he endured. Like most musical bio-pics, I can see this winning many Oscars. Maybe even a Peabody or the first film to win a Nobel prize. Don’t look away, however dramatic this is. It’s an important film and stark but necessary piece of music history.

Confess Fletch

Jon Hamm makes a pretty good wise-ass. Not as smug, and ironically not as much of a “ham” as Chevy Chase’s Fletch, but can still mutter wise-cracks under his breath with the best of them. (For a true masterclass of sotto voce wise-crackery check out Christina Applegate in Dead to Me on Netflix.) The plot, involving a murder and some valuable paintings, is foggy. But Fletch’s friendships and interactions are cracking and the mystery skips along at a decent clip. So it’s a fun, lighthearted watch.

Real Life

A very relevant satire (and accurate prediction) of reality shows from comedian Albert Brooks. Made in the late 70’s, a large part of the comedy comes from the cameramen interfering with the “reality” and how the documentarians will ultimately “script” everything that you eventually see. Preemptively pokes fun at all the trashy “Duck Dynasty”, bickering family shows. Not ha-ha funny as much as pointed satire, but so astute.

Enchanted

Rewatched this Disney confection with Amy Adams at her perky best. It’s everyone’s commitment to the bit that makes this work.

Werewolf by Night

Is this a movie? Is it a special? Is it a short film? I’m not sure. It’s all encompassing. It ends. But it’s only about an hour long. It’s more like an Amazing Stories episode, or some other horror anthology. Presented in beautiful black and white, and with creepy old music, it really feels like an old Hammer Films horror film. It’s never very scary, often funny, and dips into the Werewolf legend, as well as other movie monsters. It’s a fun, bite-sized Halloween yarn.

Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore

This was pretty long and pretty boring. To be fair, there are a couple of really exciting, really original magical action sequences. And the second half is better than the first half. But man it’s pokey. The first half makes Downton Abby look like a Michael Bay movie.

Amsterdam

David O Russell does Wes Anderson. I enjoyed this, despite not really following what was going on. The structure is goofy, and there are lengthy flashbacks full of set-up and exposition, where the groundwork for the plot is being laid, but there’s not a lot of conflict. Filmmakers rely on witty banter to keep the plates spinning, and not much else. Sitting back, having a beer, trusting Bale, Robbie, Washington, et al, and going along for a ride seems to work. It’s a fun but mostly frivolous endeavor. And (spoiler alert) Taylor Swift gets run over by a car, so there’s that.

Avatar

Revisited this re-release in Imax. It’s still amazing after all this time, and there are still moments that are plenty corny, like the mean Colonel (Stephan Lang) who drinks his open cup of coffee in the giant rain-forest destroying machine-thing - more of a caricature than most Disney villains. However corny, Cameron and his crew capture one of the primary qualities that I admire these days – an unalloyed joy and deep passion for making movies.

Elvis

It’s Baz Luhrmann, so of course it’s way, way over the top. It’s Baz Luhrmann so of course it’s super cutty and disjointed. It’s Baz Luhrmann so of course the musical numbers are the best thing about it. It’s Baz Luhrmann, so of course it’s about as subtle as a flying chainsaw. If you sign up for Baz Luhrmann, you get Baz Luhrmann.

Three Thousand Years of Longing

Alithea (Tilda Swinton) is the skeptic. She lectures about myths and stories for a living. So, when a genie smokily manifests  in her hotel room, she immediately starts poking holes. “All genie stories are cautionary tales” and she won’t get sucked in. In what’s a sweet love story resolution, she winds up granting wishes for the genie in this simple parable about being selfless and reinventing yourself in the process. As it is a story about stories, the Djinn regales Alithea with tales from his long past, the morals of which are that the genies always suffer. These chapters are beautifully filmed by George Miller et al, but are scattered, elusive, and a bit long. But the point, which takes a while to get to, is heartwarmingly worth it.

The Ravine

Emotional, faith-filled story from Keoni Waxman about forgiveness and redemption. Excellent moving camera and heart-felt performances from the cast.

The Day Shift

“Now hiring: circus performers for vampire comedy.” The contortionist vampires are the most original touch to what is otherwise a conventional and by-the-numbers vampire hunter comedy. Jamie Foxx et al celebrate the well-worn tropes with fun and flair: daylight, fangs, wooden stakes, and killin’. LOTS of killin’. It’s an acceptable airplane movie that won’t really resonate, despite all the cool twists… of the contortionists.

Bullet Train

A lot of this is told in flashback - a chaotic, non-liner timeline like a little kid trying to tell a joke. Assassinations and heists gone wrong which lead-up to this point – a motley crew of quick-witted killers occupying an empty train and fighting over a shiny McGuffin. As a killer trying to rebrand himself as a non-killer, Brad Pitt is always best when he plays a doofus, and he delivers expertly as he brawls with the witty, witty, witty hostiles. Sometimes you wish they would shut up and get to the killin’. At times the physical comedy is hilarious, but it takes a while to get to that. It’s not suspenseful, so it behaves more as an escalating comedy; shallow but fun.

Prey

Surprisingly and refreshingly original take on the old Predator franchise. So, so, so many Native American/indigenous details. Who knows if it’s historically accurate. It feels accurate and authentic, thanks in much part to the performance of the lead Amber Midthunder. Her hatchet throwing, dog training, and general physicality bring a grounded baddassery to the proceedings when the battle with the big-bad begins. And one of the best dog performances in while. (I’m not sure how they did that.) This was a great summer movie. It should have been in theaters.

Lightyear

Whereas other Pixar movies focus on the emotion and relationships in times of crisis, Lightyear is primarily an action movie with some sentiment and poignancy injected in -- sometime sincerely and sometimes cynically. Of course the animation, the voice acting, and the music are all “stellar.” But it’s not a boo-hoo, make-me-cry kind of Pixar movie. Thoroughly entertaining, though, but not super-deep.

Nope

Someone needs to call me and explain this one to me. At its core, it’s a typical UFO yarn - trying to get a glimpse of the alien to find out what they want and maybe get a photo. It’s "Close Encounters." But Jordan Peele et al fill out scenes with so much distracting cuttiness and weirdness, you forget it’s just basically a Twilight Zone episode. Some of the distractions are cool. The horse farm location, for example. But other subplots are *bananas* and left me throwing up my hands in frustration. What. The. Hell? Still, a highly-ambitious story by a filmmaker who takes his sci-fi really seriously, and that’s appreciated. But I’m flummoxed. I’m going to need a power-point.

Kimi

“Wow them it the end.” It’s what the fake Robert McKee tells the fake Charlie Kaufman in the movie Adaptation. So this Covid-era, Blow-Up descendant starts out REALLY slow and boring. I almost bailed-out all together, but I was on an airplane, so what the Hell else was I going to do? Anyway, it builds well and unfolds expertly. Zoé Kravitz draws you in. And when Soderbergh and company finally reach the climax, it’s a hum-dinger and vindicates the opening draginess. A refreshing, perfectly entertaining airplane diversion.

The Gray Man

This is a huge but simple action movie. The good guys are good, the bad guys are bad, and everyone is a ninja. Individual action scenes can be surprisingly clever, in a "Loony Tunes" cartoony way. Car tires squeal. Guns bang. Lots of people explode and die. It’s a fun watch, even if it’s pretty calorically empty.

Ender's Game

Watched this 10-year-old sci-fi yarn on the plane. It's a teenage boy wet dream. Ender is the “chosen one” because he’s really good at video games. The military officers, Harrison Ford and Viola Davis (believe-it-or-not), throw a bunch of tests at him, which he passes with flying colors because he’s the chosen one. They watch him get bullied and then kick ass and say, “Excellent. He passed the bully test. He is the chosen one.” Everything is a secret test for this kid, but he’s an unstoppable video game nerd who takes NO crap from Harrison Ford. This teenager will lead a huge space army and he will save the world. Whoever wrote this fantasy justifying their video gaming and locker room torture might need a little therapy about their childhood. 

 

Thor: Love and Thunder

It’s not commonly known, but the ancient writers of the Norse sagas and myths were really snarky and would regularly ridicule the Gods as being vacuous dunderheads. It’s possible we’ll find out that these latest few Thor movies weren’t made by Taika Waititi and company, but instead secretly filmed by Loki as a playful burn. Nonetheless, there’s a lot of laughs, goofing on the gods. There’s a love story, too, that dips a toe into sincerity. I eagerly anticipate another super-serious, bombastic Shakespearean tragedy, a la Kenneth Branah. But for now, yuk it up!

Top Gun: Maverick

A lot of effort went into making this movie big and entertaining, and you have to appreciate that. Plot-wise, it’s interesting to follow a single mission from the early planning and training to its execution – and inevitable life-threatening complication. So, it’s a perfectly suitable piece of popular entertainment and desperate over-justification of military might. Beyond that, well, it’s not that surprising and it’s NOT Shakespeare. The preview for the next Mission Impossible movie was the best part.

(Afterthought: One of the funny bits in this is that there’s a guy named Bob and his nickname is just “Bob.” And everybody around seems sort of disappointed that he doesn’t have a badass nickname like “Jackhammer” or whatever. He’s just plain ol’ Bob.)

Chip 'n Dale: Rescue Rangers

Why did I watch this? I’m not sure. I heard from a few people that it was “nutty” so I decided to have a look. And it turns out to be a throwback, Who Framed Roger Rabbit? homage made by the Lonely Island guys. It’s weird and mostly entertaining. It’s a barrage of pop culture and Hollywood references, some completely surreal and obscure. I’m not sure if little kids will get this -- it seems to be laser-guided to appeal to a specific generation of 90’s kids who watched too much TV and are currently high. Some gags are laugh-out-loud funny (i.e. “Aunt Man”) and some are more oblique and meta. What’s most noteworthy about the filmmakers is recognizing the legal/clearance team, which must have been massive and incredibly busy. The references are non-stop.

Downton Abbey: A New Era

It’s a big family. An ensemble cast. There’s lots of conflict, but they stick together. Fancy cars are involved. Many of the people are aging. It’s basically Fast and the Furious with tea instead of Red Bull. I don’t really follow the series so I’m not sure why it’s a big deal if Lady Featherbottom clashes with Lord Devonshire. An unfortunate requirement of this is knowing all the backstory (see also: Fast and the Furious). But, man! The cast is top-notch. The crew is varsity elite. The costumes, the hair, the sets, the props, the drone shots. The music. Everything is perfect. Those British made the hell out of this movie, even if I had little idea of what was going on.

The Greatest Showman

I’ve had several people recommend this to me over the years. It was free on the plane, so I decided to take a look. Production value is high and the cast is talented and diverse. Michelle Williams is way more talented than she deserves to be. All told, it’s an energetic and rousing musical biopic about PT Barnum. And HOLY FUCK is it hokey. Like face palm, cringy, hokey. Like… UGH! YIKES! I’m glad I watched it on the plane. I’m glad it was free.

Jungle Cruise

Holy crap this movie had some money. That’s all I could think about. How expensive was this?? It flopped, unfortunately. Mainly due to the pandemic. But it’s a likeable and lighthearted adventure filled with action. Dwayne Johnson is a capable, wise-cracking hero. Emily Blunt is perfect as the plucky scientist wearing pants. And there’s a nice turn from Jack Whitehall as the British ninny who gets to be a little deeper than most comic-relief scaredy-cats. Efforts to make this like Pirates of the Caribbean are transparent, so it’s not like it’s super original. But it’s fun enough. Disney should have re-released some of these pandemic victims when the world started to open up again. They deserve to be experienced on the big screen.

The Secret Life of Walter Mitty

Finally watched this Ben Stiller vehicle, and it’s not bad. It’s all Ben all the time, overcoming obstacles, conquering his fears, and getting the girl. Funny cameos from some colorful characters and a funny bit from Sean Penn goofing on his own intensity keep it light, but also kind of inspiring.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness

A sensory blast! An imaginative barn-burner from Sam Raimi et al. It’s great to see Raimi do his Raimi thing for large portions of it, too. Fantastic demons and apparitions and zombies are a welcome addition to the clean super-hero milieu. Also welcome is something that is not quite characteristic of these movies: a villain with a heartbreakingly personal motive; a super-hero-sized level of grief that feels painfully authentic. It’s too bad that you need to have an encyclopedic knowledge of the Marvel Universe to figure out what the hell is going on in these movies much of the time. But man, do they give you your money’s worth.

The Northman

Incredible. An ambitious and visionary saga, made with blistering dedication and detail. Yes, it’s violent. But no more than an episode of Game of Thrones. The violence cuts deep because of WHO is involved; family members killing each other, etc. The sound of the cold wind, the “splotch, splotch” of the feet through the mud, and the screams of the enslaved people make this an amazing, visceral experience. Massive kudos to the cast and the filmmakers for this fascinating, solid, and entertaining telling of a revenge parable that really captures a sense of how brutal life was in the olden times. A must-see in the theater.

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent

The wild thing about this is, Nicolas Cage is the straight man, dragged into misadventures. Pedro Pascal is the wacky, nutty, Nic Cage type of character. The other thing is, it isn’t really reliant on being Nic Cage as Nic Cage. It’s meta, but it’s not THAT meta. It could easily have been a fictitious actor. It’s an extremely light and fun action comedy. Not always laugh-out-loud funny, but clever and amusing. A worthy distraction.

Tony Hawk: Until the Wheels Fall Off

Tony falls down a lot. Tony’s childhood was hard. Tony’s relationships were hard. Tony’s relationship with his severely disabled mother is hard. Getting to skate competitions was hard. Being booed was hard. Getting famous was hard. Getting rich was hard. Partying with the rich and famous was hard. Being addicted to prescription pain killers was hard. Being married four times was hard. Falling down and breaking many important bones was hard. Spinning 900 degrees in the air on a skateboard was hard. Getting older is hard. Tony’s life is HARD. Nope. No glamour or wealth at all. Nope. Just pain for Tony. Life was hard for Tony.

Everything Everywhere All at Once

** SPOILERS EVERYWHERE **

As much as busy mom and business owner Evelyn Wang tries to be the master of her domain, things are crumbling around her. She’s being audited by the IRS, her elderly, judgmental father is visiting from China, her meek husband isn’t happy, and her gay daughter is aggressively pushing away because traditional Evelyn doesn’t get her. This seems like a difficult but typical set of problems. And here’s where it gets complicated. According to a messenger from another realm, to combat these problems and also save multiple universes, she must learn Kung Fu and a variety of other skills from her other parallel lives to battle the creeps who prevent her from… connecting with her daughter. Do I have that right? 

 It’s a fantastic explosion of creativity. To watch it is a crazy experience, with a barrage of ideas, impossible to process all at once. But Kung Fu isn’t just Kung Fu. It’s a metaphor for battling your own demons and prejudices, and the courage to leap into other parts of your psyche to get to the core of who you wanted to be versus who you are. In her lifetime, Michelle Yeoh could not have asked for a better role. The rest of the cast is great, too, including a terrific, juicy part for Hollywood treasure James Hong and the welcome return of Ke Huy Quan. To write about this movie is to undermine it -- it’s so full of emotion and surprises. 

I love movies like this, made by people who love movies for people who love movies, that achieve great Kung Fu leaps in the art of storytelling, entertaining, and also pushing the limits of the imagination. The big, big, big point is: it wouldn’t work if it wasn’t fun.

Fantastic Beasts: The Crimes of Grindelwald

There are a lot of characters and a lot of creatures and a lot of action happens off-screen. There’s a lot of expository dialogue in important-looking, old rooms. It’s a hodgepodge of special effects and wizard politics. I should’ve read the book first.

The Bubble

It seems certain that they barely had a script when they started this, and they thought they would just wing it, or rewrite it during quarantine. It’s hard to imagine what it would be like sitting on a film crew, all masked up, and shooting people goofing off, pretending to exercise, and pretending to be on drugs. I guess you’d be grateful to be working during the pandemic. The flying dinosaur effects team was probably thrilled – the effects are way better than this movie deserves. Nevertheless, key members of the cast give it their all and manage to squeeze a few laughs and a few pathos out of this. It’s rarely painful, it’s just stale. It’s not really a great satire of film crews or filmmaking. The best comedy comes from the scenes of isolation, and the desperateness to, as an actor must, be showered with attention.

King Richard

Will Smith will probably win an Oscar for this very, very, very inspirational sports movie about winners who win lots of things. No matter how elaborate the tennis training montages are, it’s not suspenseful. We know what happens. The Williams sisters win lots of stuff. The tricky part here is depicting them as underdogs. The filmmakers only partially succeed at this, because, I mean, we know what happens, right? Except for the parts we don’t know, like Richard Williams getting his gun from work and heading out to seek revenge… Is this true? Did he seek out violence? Or is this a Hollywood embellishment? As a piece of inspiration, especially for kids thinking about taking up tennis, it hits all the right inspirational notes. It’s the Karate Kid of tennis movies. Wax on, wax off, etc. But they're not really underdogs.

West Side Story

The first half of this is breathtaking, flawless, Spielberg-ian filmmaking. Spectacular, technically perfect, and fueled with pure energy. The camera moves are awe-inspiring. The problem with this movie is (spoiler alert): it’s still "Romeo and Juliet." It’s still a tragedy. Everything falls apart and everybody dies. So, it’s kind of a downer. Spielberg et al linger on these sullen moments, milking them too much. Despite the exemplary production, the overall experience isn’t a joyful one. It’s not the movie’s fault. Blame Shakespeare.

The Mitchells vs the Machines

Glowing, gorgeous animation paints this frenetic take of a dysfunctional (but actually, very functional) nuclear family during the robot apocalypse. The stick-together family theme sometimes gets lost underneath the blast of lights and colors, but it’s top-notch cartoon sci-fi.

CODA

A well-acted and straight-forward weepy about a child of deaf parents who discovers her gift for music. Lots of details about deaf culture and commercial fishing make this fresh and interesting. The filmmaking feels intentionally plain, to leave room for all of the important acting and crying. So, it’s packed with emotion; it’s rich with themes about growing up and rites of passage which is good, even though some of it is low-hanging fruit. Will very likely win some Oscars.

The Adam Project

Ryan Reynolds leans in to his tough-guy wisecrackery in this sentimental, time-travel family yarn directed by his buddy Shawn Levy. Something about this movie feels unfinished - like it was made for theaters, but it couldn’t QUITE get over the finish line, so they sold it to Netflix. It feels too expensive for Netflix, but also dramatically pretty light. Nice enough, but not memorable.

Studio 666

Such a goof by Foo Fighters. So Scooby-Doo. A haunted house. A secret book of incantations. Some rock and roll and some hilarious beheadings. Some below-average acting by some rock and rollers. It feels like the kind of movie the Monkees would make if they were around today - directed by John Waters. Very much the tone and feeling of an art-house midnight movie from the 80s.

The Hard Way

Michael Jai White is a solid, sturdy leading man in this well-paced, low-budget actioner from Keoni Waxman. Asses get kicked.

The Batman

Skillfully made, but this did not reinvent the Batman wheel. Certain supervillains have omnipotent power, which is fine if they’re gods or mutants or whatever. But an ordinary dude orchestrating a highly-involved plan to bring down a city, by themselves, seems unlikely. And the evil motive here seems spotty. Efforts to make Batman an actual crime-solver with detective skills are welcome, but sometimes feel over-shadowed by the gothic razzle-dazzle. Still, A+ technique and strong performances make this highly watchable. There are beautiful, memorable compositions. Unfortunately, it sometimes feels like a re-run of the many, many other pop-culture Batman things.

Belfast

Kenneth Branagh’s hands are all over this -- the personal story, the acting, the Van Morrison, the black-and-white -- even the drawn-out snippets of daily life which, at times seem incongruous, but imperatively inform the tone. Early on, it’s unclear exactly what that tone will be. But as we watch the kid’s safety gradually deteriorate, we realize (after the fact) that Buddy and his family have passed the point of no return and somebody’s going to wind up dead if they don’t bail out of Belfast like wild banshees. That realization for the characters and the audience is grim and all too real. “Don’t look back,” Judi Dench's Granny utters ironically under her breath at the end. That’s exactly what Branagh’s doing here: looking back at how it all went down, in the movie that will probably win Best Picture.

The Eyes of Tammy Faye

There’s nothing WRONG with this movie. It’s just that there’s no likeable people in it. Everyone is a scumbag. Jessica Chastain affects every tiny little detail about Tammy Fay Baker – her walk, her laugh. Her makeup is perfect. And MY GOD is she annoying. It’s a real challenge to take a famous religious weirdo and try to flesh them out and make them seem sympathetic. So, kudos for trying. But blecch.

The Tragedy of Macbeth

This is kind of a bummer. Yes. I know: The play is a bummer. And it’s a tragedy -- it says so right in the title. But with the famously obtuse text, there has to be something grounding to bring you in. Movie stars help. But the sets are so foreign and minimalist and the costumes are enigmatic. The entire presentation seems determined to alienate the audience (I'm thankful for the very Coen Brothery respite from Stephen Root). I’m sure the plan was for the sets to “look cool.” But they end up hurting more than helping. There’s nothing relatable in this at all. There’s nothing to connect to. There's no furniture. It’s an Ingmar Bergman film without a Max von Sydow. It’s beautifully, perfectly made. Certain imagery is awesome. It pains me to say it, but this lacks heart.

The Last Duel

The ads for this made it look so stupid. Matt Damon’s dumb mullet. Ben Affleck’s bad, blonde mop. Just the hair alone made it look terrible. So my expectations were pretty low. But low and behold, this was tight, interesting, and poignant. A delicate, thought-provoking take on a moment in history that I would have never known. Sir Ridley brings the production value, that’s for sure, but he never lingers. In a Rashomon style, it’s told from three different points-of-view and every detail matters as the conflict escalates. You would never know the running time is long – it moves. Strangely, it’s a chore to pick this over other movie choices – the always crucial selection of the night’s entertainment. It seems long. It seems heavy. It seems rapey. But it’s a quality thing. Performances are solid. The plot is comprehensive and compelling. Wielded swords stab vigorously. It’s a nice yarn. But! Big, big, big BUT, there’s are themes, too. Themes about women, themes about dumb/ bickering men, and themes about marriage that hold up a mirror to our modern times.

Doug's Favorite Movies of 2021

Nobody

Dune 

Belfast

Licorice Pizza 

The French Dispatch 

The Sparks Brothers 

Free Guy 

Summer of Soul 

Honorable Mention: 

The Last Duel 

Bo Burnham Inside 

Mulan

The King's Man

Downton Abbey meets The Suicide Squad. Ralph Fiennes, 59, dresses nicely, carries an umbrella, and kicks everyone’s ass in this enjoyable but sometimes weird, spy-tastic action movie. British people, as we all know, are superior, and manage to maintain their composure despite fighting some of the weirdest, non-British creeps and perverts one can imagine. Tea will be required! Lengthy segments in the trenches of World War I are brutal but breathtakingly filmed. Filmmakers dodge numerous war-movie tropes to render fresh, unyielding, and creative ass-kickery keeping your adrenaline jumpy and jolty. It’s long, and sometimes the pacing feels off. But heads roll, so you can’t ask for much more.

Don't Look Up

“Dying is easy. Comedy is hard.” Adam McKay and his cast of A-listers swing for the fences in this super-duper pointy sharp satire of media culture in a time of worldwide disaster. The premise is worthy and the attitude is poignant. Efforts to goof on specific people sometimes tank, like Mark Rylance’s over-cooked, narcissistic billionaire. The plot and story are distracted by the personal relationships and marital affairs, which seem pointless and dull compared to the comet hurling towards Earth, but maybe that’s the point. This mines laughs as much as it bombs, but it gets an “A” for trying; and taking the piss out of us for being so apathetic. I wonder: was Dr. Strangelove considered so implausible at the time?

Being the Ricardos

Nicole is good here as Lucille Ball, but not so much as Lucy McGillicuddy-Ricardo. Javier Bardem, as much of a pro as he is, is completely miscast. Desi could smile! He could sing and dance! The Hollywood story and setting is fascinating; a worthy tale told expertly by Aaron Sorkin about a dark period in Hollywood history. It really didn’t need the flashbacks or the flash forwards, which just gum up the main story. It’s worthwhile as an interesting history, but it’s not mind-blowingly revelatory otherwise.

The Matrix Resurrections

I definitely need to watch this again. It’s a lot to process. Trinity and Neo are ordinary folks in this. Not super-cool, monotone, sunglass-wearing, gun-foo ninjas. But ordinary schlubs. But Neo knows something is amiss. His life in the Matrix is filled with dreams and glitches. Efforts to make this snarky and media savvy yield mixed results. Some of it’s fun, but some of it’s… oblique. Neil Patrick Harris throws out a lot of curve-balls as a manipulative therapist, but who is he really? The architect? Could somebody please call me and explain. The fighting and chasing is, as always, top notch. Images of brainwashed citizens falling from the sky, leaping to their deaths, are terrifying. And the love story between Trinity and Neo is still sweet and solid. But my brain needs a little more resolution than this story provides.

Nightmare Alley

Part carny nightmare and part noir nihilism, the colors and designs of this jump off the screen. It’s beautiful. Every frame is a perfect composition. But the story is a drag. There’s very few heroes and no redemption of any kind. That’s the way the noirs go, I suppose. This will get lost in film history, I think. There’s nothing uplifting at all, unlike The Shape of Water, despite the explosion of technique.

The Matrix Revolutions

A lot more Jesus-y in this final chapter. For some reason, Neo must kung fu with Agent Smith a lot in the Matrix to save Zion, to the point where he must make a “pact” with “the machines” to destroy Agent Smith in a Karate fight, because? If we’re completely baffled by the plot, then the gun-foo will be less suspenseful. It won’t matter who wins and who loses. There’s too much woo-woo philosophy and computer programming analogies in this, and it’s entirely possible to just get lost. The visuals are still stunning, but the fun is less fun.

Matrix: Reloaded

A lot more time and a lot more money yield a lot more bang-bang-bang for your buck. All of the philosophical blah-blah-blah and all of the rules muddy the simple fact that this is a rescue movie. Rescue the dude with the key. The “Zion” scenes are actually boring, and only fill in the back-story, which is ironically in the future. You often wish the Wachowskis would just cut to the “gun foo.” Eventually they do with beautifully directed and edited action sequences, massive in scope. It’s satisfying, but it takes way too long to reveal that like most movies, it was always a love story.

Spider-Man: No Way Home

** SPOILER-MAN **

It’s a game of superhero “top this.” Cram in all the heroes and all of the villains from all of the movies in an enormous super-powered Altman movie. It’s all about multi-dimensional entrances. Who will swing in next? It’s like an acrobatic Dean Martin Celebrity Roast. It’s fun, action-packed, long, and emotional. It fills your eyeballs with so much information that there’s no possibility of realizing what’s missing from the mix. Women, for example. They couldn’t at least dust-off Elizabeth Banks? For the ticket price, you couldn’t get more bang for your buck. It’s a hoot watching the multi-verse escapees banter about; comparing notes, etc. Of course, all of this was done already in the superior, animated Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse, not that it’s a competition. All spider-people are welcome.

Eternals

The Eternals are the “bizarro” Avengers. They’re not human, they’re not interesting, they’re not funny, they’re not on Earth to help humanity, and they rarely take action when needed. Mostly, they stand in a circle, or sometimes a half circle facing the camera, and they discuss what they should do next to stop the monsters that are coming out of the ground for some reason. And although they’re not allowed to care about humans for some reason, they have to stop the monsters that are killing the humans for some reason. But they’re diverse, which is nice. Gemma Chan tries her best to remain stoic as the group leader, and Kumail Nanjiani dances as fast as he can as the comic relief. Angelina Jolie, a big movie star, has almost nothing to do. One wonders, when they’re standing in a half circle deciding what to do, why they don’t ask the big movie star. The big movie star ALWAYS knows what to do. But she’s kinda checked out, standing there in her pretty costume and her pretty hair, and just thinking about other stuff. As they’re fighting supernatural forces, there’s a goofy, middle-aged, Bollywood videographer following them around. He’s, like, the MAN. I want to know about HIM.

Ms. 45

Early Abel Ferrara movie in which an alluring, young, mute woman gets raped one too many times and decides to “open up a can.” A fascinating, timeless performance from Zoe Lund. Otherwise a pretty cheap and dated revenge yarn.

Night of the Juggler

A ranting psycho kidnaps James Brolin’s daughter and he “ex-cops” his way through the shitty neighborhoods of New York to find her. It’s pretty hammy, and has the production values of a CHIPS episode. Nevertheless, it’s got a recognizable cast of 80s-era tough guys and a nice turn from Julie Carmen. Suffice it to say: it ain’t Shakespeare and the title is terrible.

Licorice Pizza

Licorice Pizza has a secret. It’s always there, like a ghost lurking in the shadows and in the periphery. It informs every second and every frame of the movie. And every once in a while, PT Anderson et al show you the secret for a NANOSECOND, and then happily and skillfully steer you away to another episode of frivolity, during which the main kids, muy autentica, try as hard as they can NOT to fall in love. It’s a real struggle! And on 70mm film, it’s beautiful. It’s a sugary-sweet time-capsule about a magical world where age and maturity and “dateable readiness” is fluid. It’s almost impossible to view this from a modern-day, “me too” lens, and I don’t recommend you do, because it might be a little problematic. The movie tries to trick you into putting away your modern-day sensibilities and bask in the warm glow of a magic hour in the summer of 1974, when pinball machines became legal again and when the girls and the guys fell in love. It works, if you try not to think about that secret.

The House of Gucci

The characters in The House of Gucci say the word “Gucci” a lot. Lady Gaga, who’s pretty good as a Gucci, probably says Gucci the most. Adam Driver, who plays another Gucci, is probably the second most frequent Gucci character to say Gucci. But other Guccis say Gucci a lot, too. Like the Gucci played by Al Pacino. Or the Gucci-ing Gucci played by Jeremy Irons. Jared Leto, who plays the Gucciest Gucci, waves his arms and hands around a lot when he says Gucci. Leto is so Gucci that he’s the GUCCI Gucci. He Guccis way more than other Guccis, which is a lot of Gucci, let me tell ya. It’s hard to know how much of this Gucci movie is based on the real Guccis, versus the Gucci dramatic license of the Guccis and Gucci. The bottom line is: Guccis Gucci. And when Guccis Gucci, other Guccis Gucci in reply. It’s a Gucci-off. Who will be the greatest Gucci??  There’s a lot of Gucci-ing in The House of Gucci. Sir Ridley reveals all things Gucci with Gucci aplomb. Gucci Gucci, Gucci Gucci.

Spencer

 😐🤢🤮

The Power of the Dog

**  SPOILERS **

I wanted to like this Jane Campion, dusty cowboy melodrama a lot more than I did. It has everything going for it. A great cast, beautiful scenery, top-notch sets and designs. I regret to say it, but there were several times during the show that I thought, “Why am I watching this?” My back started to hurt, which is always a bad sign. It’s one of those movies where the main character has a secret. If you’re paying attention, you can figure out the secret, but otherwise you’re waiting for the character to reveal the secret. And it takes a while. I think this kind of story convention works better in a novel. Lots of people, better than I am, will probably like this. But I just found it shrug-worthy.