The Hurt Locker

Although certain sequences felt long upon my second viewing, it’s still highly emotional, visceral, and entertaining movie. Performances by Anthony Mackie and Jeremy Renner still grip, further eliminating a desire for a typical plot. There’s something special about this movie.

500 Days of Summer

Beautifully directed but heartbreaking to watch, the filmmakers understand the agony, the miscommunications and the mixed signals of love. Zoe Deschenel perfectly portrays "Summer", the guarded, aloof, dangerous woman -- always smiling, but never open, never giving. She tells Joseph Gordon-Levitt she's not interested in a “relationship” but then she proceeds to make out with him. She goes so far as to co-opt his secret meditative place, only to ambush him and blame the relationship failures on HIM. For his part, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, who's great in everything he touches lately, combines broad comedy and tragic emo rejection with great skill. The direction is unique and playful, sampling a variety of gimmicks to keep the story moving: voice of God narration, split screen, funky locations (Ikea) and even a zany Ally McBeal-ish music number. The movie's obsessed with architecture, but ironically the plot's non-linear, which also keeps us on our toes. It's all sugar to get us through what is ultimately a very cynical portrait of a doomed romance. But it's crafty, the story is worthy, and the acting is strong. Not really a date movie, though.

Orphan

It’s The Bad Seed meets Gaslight meets, I dunno, Sleepaway Camp? And sure, there’s a twist. But no twist, no matter how good, is worth what one must endure watching Orphan. It’s excruciating. It’s God-awful, and not in a “fun” way. In a worse-than-Transformers, I-can’t-wait-for-this-to-end, I’d-rather-be-at-the-dentist way. And it’s not even that the concept’s bad, or the acting for that matter. It’s the disrespect shown by the director to the audience. It’s the arrogance of wrongly assuming we’ve never seen any of these cheap startle tactics before. It’s the arrogance of making this horrific experience 123 minutes long, when it should have been 93. There’s nothing worse than terrible, unironic horror movies. I strongly dissuade! Yuck!

Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

The media at large claims this 6th movie is darker and more serious than the previous ones. Translation: slow. Very few truly essential events happen to Harry this time around. There’s a lot of teen angst. Lots of snogging. Possibly some wanking. Though it’s funny to see Ron befuddled by a love spell, it’s pretty frivolous when your best friend, the chosen one, must shoulder the responsibility of killing the most evil wizard who ever lived. For his part, Harry listens well to Dumbledore and follows his orders, but it’s hard to tell if that sways the price of tea in China. I’ve stopped reading the books, so I don’t know what’s going to happen from this point on. I only hope something exciting happens with Snape. Rowling et al have MILKED his shiftiness and mysteriousness to death ten times over. It better pay off, or I’m going to be CHEESED to high heaven!

Blood: The Last Vampire

Really goofy Hong Kong, Japanese, French and Argentinean co-production featuring a vampire Samurai, played by a Korean, who protects an American girl in Tokyo from marauding demons. It’s in English, but the actors who play the Americans are all from Australia or something and they all sound weird. There are excellent and surreal sword fighting massacres set in a hyper-real dream world. Thick purple blood sprays liberally across the hilariously gruesome kabuki canvass. The hero is, of course, uniformed as one of those fetishy Japanese school girls, and the creep in me hopes she and the American girl are eventually going to get it on. But this gory vampire samurai movie is too classy for that. Should you be in the mood to get out of the multiplex and see a foreign film, and you want to broaden your horizons (i.e. turn off your brain), you won’t be bored.

Bruno

Bruno is a gay man who likes to fuck with people. If you DON’T DO everything Bruno asks, and respond favorably to his advances, you are a homophobic bigot. If you DO play along, you are a fool. Bruno wins either way. Bruno is a genius who's hung like a mule. But he’s not really all that funny. This lacked genuine, honest reactions. Every one of Bruno’s foils seemed over-blown and put-on. The exceptions to this, a well-meaning Karate instructor, a freakishly chauvinistic de-gayer, and a nervous Justice of the Peace are all good for a laugh and hold up the requisite mirror to society. But the outrage about checking his baby at the airport (especially with all the cameras around) seems pretty justified, and unfortunately, Ron Paul will probably never grant anyone an interview ever again, which is sad and not so hilarious.

Dead Snow

Although it takes a while to get the zombies on screen, it’s everything you could possibly want in a Nazi zombie movie. It dutifully follows many of the recipe’s tried and true steps, all while adding a fresh Norse flair. Lots of laughs, lots of gore, and lots of Nazi zombies. A strong addition to the art-house zombie lexicon, joining the likes of Sean of the Dead, Zombie Strippers, and Black Sheep.

Public Enemies

Video has arrived! Hazaah! But I’ll be damned if a lot of this movie doesn’t look fake. Why? I’m not sure. Why shouldn’t a period gangster movie look like an episode of Cops? Why must period movies be sepia-tone and desaturated? Nevertheless Michael Mann’s lust for video yields mostly distractions in what is otherwise a well-written and well-acted action/drama. And when the cinematography is attention-getting enough to be distracting, that’s BAD. It’s unfortunate because the movie strikes an interesting juxtaposition between the fledgling FBI "good" guys trying to catch some thugs, and the very thuggish methods they resort to.

The Hurt Locker

A very good movie, tied together more or less by a series of sequences. It doesn’t seem to build toward anything -- it’s more of a “day-in-the-life” of an Army road-side bomb diffuser. But the episodes are visceral and suspenseful, the acting is outstanding, and the directing by Kathryn Bigelow is positively triumphant. The filmmakers milk that special kind of bomb-diffusing “cut the red wire or the blue wire” suspense to a sweating-in-your-seat, nail-biting level, all the while barely venturing into the policy-making of the Iraq war. It’s the first of the Iraq war movies of late that I’ve wanted to see and I’m really glad I did. It plays like an action movie, albeit a highly emotional and moving one.

Black Dynamite

A laugh-out-loud hilarious and loving tribute to the blaxploitation movies of the 70’s. It never strays from trying to be as funny as it possibly can be, and it only occasionally ventures into silly Wayans Brothers territory. It is, for the most part, played skillfully and refreshingly straight. Solid props to co-writer and star Michael Jai White for delivering all the bad karate, bad-ass posturing and sex-god movie platitudes with astronautical precision. It’s a masterwork of straight satire, an astute homage to the groundbreaking genre, and a really fucking funny night at the movies.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Redefines bad. The first one was stupid, but fun. This was offensive – a crime against humanity. It’s a kind of a rehash of the Bad Boys 2 debacle. Bad Boys? Cheesy, but fun. Bad Boys 2? Crime against humanity. Maybe Michael Bay shouldn’t do sequels. What’s tragic, too, is, I read about some of the many effects artists and the many months an army of people would work on one six-second sequence. It’s a shame such careful, hard-working technicians would, perhaps unknowingly, be accessories to this atrocity. The script? Terrible. The lame jokes? Like hot pokers in the eye. The running time? Appalling. Wow. Let’s never speak of this again.

Moon

Sam Rockwell is terrific here – an astronaut feeling desperately alone, unappreciated, and facing death. It’s a courageous performance from an actor I’ve always liked (see Choke), but never seems to have gotten his shot. The script is full of surprises and it skillfully upset my expectations for how it would all unfold in Rockwell’s one-man show. Production design is bare, calculated and very realistic for what is reportedly a low-budget movie. It’s essentially a piece of cinematic minimalism, but still gripping to the end. Moon is an unqualified success for being unique, daring, and showcasing a virtuoso lead performance.

The Proposal

There were several moments during this when I wanted to kill myself. Not that it’s bad. It’s just -– those rom-com moments. Man! Trying on the wedding dress, etc. Makes me cringe. Reynolds and Bullock have chemistry, there’s no doubt. And Reynolds does his best to keep the smart-alecky tone for as long as possible. But it eventually gives in, as it must I suppose, to the schmaltz. So the goodwill they earn in the first half fades away.

Year One

It’s fun when comedies pick on the bible -- don’t get me wrong. But there’s no plot at all and, in the second half, the shtick starts to get stale. Michael Cera and Jack Black make for an inspired duo. But some of the supporting cast is phoning it in. And even though it’s pretty soft on the sacrilegious aspects, when Cera asks, “What if there isn’t a God?”, I saw three people stand up and angrily leave the theater.

The Taking of Pelham 123

Not my favorite of the Tony Scott/Denzel collaborations. The villain’s plan is fatally flawed, so it’s hard to see him as much of a menace. He doesn’t seem ruthless, so the killings seem out of place. As if to inject some extraneous action, there’s a really lengthy race through the city, resulting in a lot of crashes and explosions. It all felt very unnecessary. Sure, the performances were fine. But the script was kinda blah.

Angels and Demons

Very luke-warm and digestible in that Ron Howardy way. As if to prove how safe he wants it to be, he includes the ubiquitous casting of a family member – his father Rance as an important Bishop dude. The writers play it safe. The technical stuff is all safe. Tom Hanks is REALLY safe casting. There’s no one safer. (Why MUST “Robert Langdon” be an everyman?) It’s not an awful movie, but I just wonder what these Dan Brown movies might have been like helmed by someone more daring.

The Hangover

Beloved by almost everyone I’ve talked to. I liked it. I thought it was fine. I laughed. But the set-ups in the first half were funnier than the pay-offs in the second half. And I was frustrated by the many loose ends about which the creators assume we won’t care whether or not they’re resolved. But despite my nitpickiness, I gotta admit, I was really rooting for Ed Helms. I couldn’t wait until he stood-up to his horrible, one-dimensional, emasculating girlfriend (perfectly & courageously conjured-up by Rachael Harris).

Land of the Lost

Once again, Will Ferrell plays a way, way over-confident heel who must be taken down a peg or two to overcome and finally show-up a nemesis (Matt Lauer). Ferrell does a lot of obvious riffing. The movie milks these moments for all they’re worth. (i.e. a lengthy bit about covering one’s self with dinosaur urine.) The bits are funny, I suppose. But the whole mess doesn’t add up to very much. Anna Freil plays the rational woman here, and she’s cute and likable. The effects are top-notch and the pace is brisk. So it could be worse. But it’s just “bits.” And it’s starting to feel like we’ve seen them before.

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

This did absolutely nothing for me. I like Amy Adams though...

Up

A script that makes me wonder how high the writers were when they were thinking of this. The story’s built on non-sequiturs! But it’s a lot less about story and plot and more about relationships. The old man’s relationship with his wife, the kid, the kid’s relationship with the dog, etc. So there’s not a lot of action, but there’s a lot of shtick. And no real stakes, per se. Not my favorite of the Pixar movies, but still outstanding. Beautiful to behold and very sweet.

Drag Me To Hell

An absolute hoot. Hilarious. Alison Lohman brings a strange energy to Sam Raimi’s revisionist startle-fest. She’s pretty, but exceedingly vulnerable. Raimi and company set-up her desire to succeed snappily to jump right into the lunging and lurching. The horrible old woman, Lorna Raver, was also a great sport, devoting herself fully to her creepy, one-eyed gypsy curser. There’s not much of a plot here. You can feel the Raimi brothers just setting up situations for the next ridiculous set piece -- falling somewhere between a Three Stooges Movie and Poltergeist, or perhaps Darkman and The Gift. Made with great zeal and love for the genre, and a treat for the Evil Dead fans.

Terminator Salvation

More of an “act” or segment than an entire movie. It’s exciting and well-directed, but the script contributes very little to the whole Terminator saga. They told more story in an hour of The Sara Connor Chronicles. I hope in the next movie they get to the time travel stuff.

Star Trek

It’s as if JJ Abrams plucked Kirk and Spock out of a Star Trek episode and stuck them into an old Star Wars movie. It’s fun, exciting, and action packed. It holds the old shows in the highest regard, while still mining a few laughs from the obligatory clichés. “I’m givin’er all she’s got, captain!” The cast is great, but the new people don’t have those deep baritone voices of Nemoy and Takai. Otherwise, well done by Abrams and company and a fun night at the movies.

Wolverine

Uneventful and anti-climatic chapter from the X-Men universe. Wolverine has his motives pulled out from under him at the end, which makes most of the plot a cheap kind of red-herring. Jackman is stalwart and game for the role. But the script suffers.

Tyson

A tragic portrayal of a talented athlete with flagrantly untreated mental illness. Many of Tyson’s comments during his interview prompted laughter from the audience. But it’s that kind of nervous laughter, as if to say, “Did he really just say that?” His comments and opinions about women were especially disturbing. But like many of the very rich and powerful people, his psychological issues are neglected or chalked up to “eccentricities.” Most of the facts and data in the movie are public knowledge, so it’s not all that revealing. But when the man talks, brace yourself.

State of Play

It’s refreshing to see a dutifully old-fashioned political thriller, complete with Russell Crowe as the hardscrabble, unshaven, whiskey-drinking reporter poised to save the day. The cast is all good, the plot is compelling, and it’s adequately suspenseful. But the most memorable thing of all is the end credit montage: following newspapers through the printing process. It proves that when something’s in print, you have to stand behind it. It can’t be “refreshed.” It signals the slow death of newspapers, and unfortunately, the journalism of due diligence.

Crank: High Voltage

It starts out as an over-the-top action comedy. From there it crashes through to preposterous, surreal, looney-tunes, and eventually devolves into crazy-ass, Douglas Adams-style Science fiction. Unlike the first movie, the strange departures from the plot were distractions here rather than treats. Flashbacks to Jason Statham’s childhood, etc. seemed designed to fill time rather than mine a laugh. Statham stays on message, fully committed to his fucked-up comedy bits. He’s much more awake here than in Transporter 3. Amy Smart (always’ve liked her) has fun with her role, too, and should get some kind of medal for being a good sport. But ultimately, when the movie is no longer grounded in any kind of reality, it’s impossible to care if Statham ever gets his heart back. So the whole thing feels like a mess.

Observe and Report

Okay, everyone say it with me now, “I LOVES me the Anna Faris.” She’s the funniest and most subversive of the unlikable heels in this bigger budget clone of Foot Fist Way. At times it’s funny, at times it pushes the envelope and at times it’s surprisingly, hilariously creepy. But there are scenes, too, where the timing’s off and it doesn’t seem like the filmmakers are having as much fun as they should be. So it’s no Bad Santa, for example. But the cast dives right in, committed in full to their humiliation —- especially the incredibly courageous flasher dude. Faris just makes it look easier than everybody else.

Monsters vs. Aliens

The 3-D animation is amazing, but the script is lame. The lead character, “Susan” is animated in the proud tradition of impossibly gorgeous, superhumanly leggy cartoon women, akin to the animes, wonder women and GI Joe babes of the past. If only the care they took to tweak every nuance of Susan’s skin-tight jumpsuit was taken to strengthen the story.

Adventureland

First off, they got 1987 completely wrong. The cars were wrong. The hair was wrong. Nobody was wearing tube socks up to their knees! It’s as if somebody watched Dazed and Confused and Meatballs and decided to set the movie in that era, even though it took place ten years later. Jesse Eisenberg has absolutely MASTERED his awkward, over-articulate teenager characterization so it’s time for him to branch out. Kristen Stewart is easy on the eyes, but mopes and pouts her way through another movie. It’s time for her to branch out, too. As for the script, it starts out funny, but gets gradually more dour and less fun as the movie wears on, making the overall experience a great, big… Meh!

Paris 36

Accordion music, cobblestone streets, and men in berets. You could practically smell the freshly-baked baguettes, it felt so quintessentially French. The moving camera sails through the brisk scenes beautifully. Sentimental, whimsical, and dramatic, it’s an elegant confection, a heartfelt love-letter to Paris.

Big Fan

Patton Oswalt goes “Travis Bickle” in this Taxi Driver/King of Comedy fusion. Oswalt embodies his Giants fan character ably -- emasculated and humiliated by his family, his job, and ultimately his beloved team. But it’s not so funny. He’s an anti-hero, so it’s tough to root for him. But that doesn’t make it a bad movie, just slightly distant. It’s a cautionary tale, and a mirror to a subculture of “fans” that might be substituting the drama of the NFL for their own stagnant lives.

I Love You, Man

A perfectly pleasant movie that follows the buddy-comedy “bromance” recipe unabashedly. Rudd and Segel are both likeable and consistent. But I can’t honestly say I laughed a lot. The stakes were low, and the conflicts felt concocted to fill time. It doesn’t feel personal, like it was a real man’s real struggle. So the recipe’s a bit vanilla. For me, the best laughs come from Rudd when he struggles with his attempts at “dude” speak. Otherwise, you could do worse, but it’s no Forgetting Sarah Marshall.

Penance

Gimmicky torture-porn with an intriguing premise, but zero percent irony, comedy or fun. It’s really just torture on the screen. We walked out when people’s genitals started getting cut off.

Hired Gun

Shane Wood is rock solid, and the producers do a good job of stretching their dollar in this ultra low-budget thriller. As a plus, there’s a hilariously over-the-top turn from Michael Madsen.

Sin Nombre

Very intense depiction of the plight of illegal immigrants and the cruelty of gang members in Mexican culture. Acting is top-notch and all the technical aspects are solid. It’s not a real FUN movie, but sometimes it’s worth seeing something heavy.

Duplicity

** Spoiler alert! **
It’s impossible to discuss this movie without giving away the ending. Suffice to say, it misleads in the most clever way -- not by twisting the PLOT, though there’s plenty of that, but by twisting the THEME. The moral of the story is a whopper, and it comes out of nowhere. And like Michael Clayton, Tony Gilroy’s previous outing, you have to wait until the final scene to hear what it’s really about. Owen and Roberts are pros and deliver all their expertise to this full-court deception. It’s smart and enjoyable.

Sunshine Cleaning

At the risk of seeming derogatory, this was “chicky.” Really. The misleading trailer makes it look like a dark comedy, but there is a fair amount of sad drama, and a prominent sisterly relationship with a lot of sentiment and crying. Amy Adams and Emily Blunt are both great, but the script feels like a cobbled-together mosaic of Sundance movies –- trying to include every quirk and conflict from of a bevy of successful movies in hopes of creating a grand Sundance super-hybrid. Because of this, a lot of the story comes off as disingenuous. Thankfully Adams and Blunt breathe extra life into this Frankenstein monster of a screenplay, which made it narrowly tolerable for me. It might do more for the tissue-prone.

iMurder

The filmmakers stretched their dollars commendably, getting a good, recognizable cast to do small parts and cleverly spreading them evenly throughout the movie to create an ensemble. The technical aspects suffered though. The sound was crappy and the picture was muddy and camercorderish. And ultimately, like a lot of bigger horror films, the script made absolutely no sense.

Watchmen

If The Dark Knight is "The Godfather" of the superhero movies, then maybe Watchmen is the Apocalypse Now. (Or One From the Heart?) It’s uncompromising and audacious, paying the source novel the sincerest reverence while determined to dazzle and entertain. Though it’s been a while since I’ve read it, word is the filmmakers adhered strictly to the book’s plot. So the protracted running time makes it gangly, but never dull.

The best moments are when the movie strays from the still frames of comics and uses cinematic tools: music, montage, and action to breathe in some life. Superhero action is sparse, but when it comes (in a brutal prison sequence, for instance) it’s visceral and satisfying. The filmmakers relish in the the punches and kicks, the SNAPS and CRUNCHES of bones, and the hair-raising texture of broken glass. The cast has the most fun in these moments, too. Jackie Earle Haley plunges into Rorschach’s mania -- growling, kicking and screaming in the part he was born to play. The lovely Malin Akerman, divine in gravity-defying spandex, genuinely consumes the Silk Spectre, her majestic hair somehow reacting to cataclysms seconds before the rest of her.

The alternate reality is fun, too, and poignant. Nixon as president, Kennedy assassination, and ground zero references all make this a far-fetched cautionary parable -- rubbing-in the things we could have prevented so horribly misguided super-villains don’t always have to teach the world tough-love lessons.

You can’t really criticize this movie. What would be the point? It’s so specific, so specialized, to condemn it would be to immediately compare apples to oranges. It is what it must be: respectfully bloated, hyper-real, and at times when the big, blue, naked dude is on screen, downright eccentric. But it’s cool -- and totally unique.

Fired Up

Fired Up tried to be funny. So although a lot of the gags didn’t “land”, and the leads look old enough to be teachers in a high school, rather than students, this gets an “A” for effort. Extra credit goes to the music supervisor who, to create a soundtrack for the ubiquitous villain, chose some of the most annoying songs of the last 15 years, mining some of the movie’s biggest laughs. If only it was rated “R” so there could be more sex. That should be the point of a movie like this, right?

The First, Last Race

Jeff Jensen’s motorcycle documentary looking for distribution. Interesting subject-matter, but sluggishly paced. A sharp editor could give it a big boost.

Friday the 13th

It’s ironic that a movie about people being killed by sharp objects would be so dull. It’s a wasted opportunity to revive a franchise and bring something fresh to the genre. Yawn.

The International

I always like seeing Clive Owen and Naomi Watts, but man! The script was a frozen block of turd. I lost count of how many time a character exclaimed, “This could blow this case wide open!” Even lengthy shoot-outs lacked suspense and logic. It had a lot of potential, but they blew it in the execution.

Coraline

Superbly animated and amazing to behold, the story becomes weirder and weirder until it plunges through the looking-glass and into weird-ass, balls-tripping, Lewis Carroll territory. There were lengthy periods when I had no idea what was going on or what the HELL I was watching, but it sure was pretty. The fine work and detail is all on screen, and the filmmaking is commendable. But it’s freaky. Don’t take the kids.

Taken

Liam Neeson brings his super-human stoicism to what would otherwise qualify as revenge porn. The visceral reaction of the audience was hilarious. Lots of clapping and cheering when Neeson as the bad-ass dad would take down a room full of slimy, sex-slave pimps. It’s thankfully short and refreshingly uncompromising. But it won’t make you a better person.

Paul Blart - Mall Cop

Mirrors the Die Hard plot almost exactly, only with a fat guy in a mall. It’s admirable thievery I suppose, as Kevin James makes a likable lead. But it needs to be a lot funnier if it’s going to be that predictable.

Che

A mosaic of dramatic episodes from the life of Ernesto Guevara expertly filmed by Steven Soderbergh and company. Benicio Del Toro embodies his revolutionary character admirably and the battle sequences were stark and suspenseful. The movie takes great pains to not have a strong opinion one way or the other about the politics of Che. Unfortunately, this impairs the emotional punch of our hero’s journey. I almost always felt like an observer and never a participant in his struggle. The “war is futile” theme becomes strong in part 2. Che’s goals become foggy and it’s frustrating and sad to watch so much shooting for what appears to be no real reason. (They claim to be fighting for oppressed miners who we never see.) That’s clearly the point. And the summary of Che’s life, or the parts depicted in this movie, makes me wonder what it is exactly that would warrant buying the t-shirt. I suppose it’s the power of the people taking over the government for themselves? Please correct me if I’m wrong.

Slumdog Millionaire

After my second viewing, it’s worth mentioning that NO ONE I’ve talked to has disliked this movie. Even the people who claim to be ”so-so” about it can’t think of a single negative thing to say. We would all like to believe that art is subjective. Not everything is for everybody. But sometimes something comes along that IS for everybody -- a work of art made in such earnest that it’s fully embraced by the masses. The perfect film for that time and place. Lightning in a bottle. Something to aspire to? Or maybe just something to admire. Who knows? Maybe 12 years from now people will be scoffing at Slumdog Millionaire the way people do at Titanic. “I can’t believe that won best picture!? Why did the world get suckered-in to that movie so much?! It’s cheesy!” But Titanic did the same thing. It’s a great movie -- in the right place at the right time. Extra special proper respect should go to Dev Patel, who is freakishly enthusiastic as the nerd in love with a beautiful, unattainable woman. But he embodies his character with such a rare fervor, such uninhibited passion, he gives all of us nerds hope.

Waltz With Bashir

Totally original non-fiction animated tale of a soldier coming to terms with his post-traumatic stress. The hypnotic dreams the soldier describes are beautifully designed, but the motion seemed a little choppy and robotic -- a small price to pay for a radically different film. Heavy and downbeat, but worthwhile.

My Bloody Valentine 3D

Featured a very cool opening credits sequence that harkened back to the old-time movie “spinning newspaper” montage. Photos and headlines shoot towards you as they reveal back-story about the evil axe-wielding miner. There’s also a chase with the psycho and a completely nude damsel that was good for a laugh. But the rest of the movie was stupid. The 3D was fun. Axes flying at you, and whatnot… But, yeah, stupid.

The Unborn

I don’t ask much of my scary movies. Any one of the three is acceptable: 1. Be funny. (i.e. Teeth) 2. Be original. (i.e. Baghead) 3. Be scary. (i.e. Quarantine) And don’t try to confuse me! The Unborn hides behind one ridiculous back-story revelation after another until it’s a brain-splitting avalanche of white noise. Nothing makes sense! Perhaps I’m guilty of expecting the impossible from what is obviously the turdy realm of PG-13 b-movies. Well, at least the girl was pretty.

Valkyrie

Not as terrible as everyone is saying. It’s Mission Impossible during World War 2, that’s all. It’s tense and schooled. Singer, Cruise and company barely dwell on period tanks, planes, and uniforms. It’s all about momentum, and the suspense that the conspirators might possibly take back their country. And he may be crazy, but Cruise is no idiot. He surrounds himself with the best English actors in the world. Like, TEN of ‘em! It’s truly, deep-down, in every way a thriller. The victims of Hitler are barely shown and you’ll never feel the lump in your throat you get from earnest Holocaust dramas. You’ll be too busy scarfing down popcorn like any other pulpy thriller.

Bolt

I feel a little bad for Buzz Lightyear. It’s not like his was the first storyline to feature a character stunned to learned they’re living in a movie. But the fact that it’s Disney and Toy Story doesn’t seem like it was that long ago and Bolt has the EXACT same character arc and storyline AND it was Executive Produced by the director of Toy Story! It just makes me a little cynical. So in spite of the great 3-D animation, I couldn’t stop thinking about Buzz Lightyear. So it felt a little hacky. Even the voice casting was gimmicky, and not nearly as inspired as the Pixar movies. But it isn’t a Pixar movie, is it? So why would I complain? It’s not like the movie was made for ME. It’s, you know, for kids.

Defiance

Starts out rough, with an inciting incident that happens off screen. The script is clunky, underdeveloped and amateurish, like it was written by an 8th grader who learned everything about WWII from videogames and Star Wars. So it takes a while to get into. Thankfully Daniel Craig and Liev Schreiber serve as strong anchors, and after a while I started to get into it. It’s a worthy true story, there are some taut battle scenes and there’s some decent acting. But Oy! The script! It’s bupkis! It made me shvitz on my tuchus it was such schlock! Feh!

Doug's Favorite Movies of 2008

Forgetting Sara Marshall
The Wrestler
Slumdog Millionaire
Teeth
Wall-E
Gran Torino
Quarantine
Choke
Burn After Reading
Tropic Thunder
Kung Fu Panda

Honorable Mention:

Doubt
The Dark Knight
Hole in a Paper Sky
The Bank Job
Zombie Strippers
Hellboy 2: The Golden Army
The Brothers Bloom

Special Category: Love, Hate, Great & Terrible:

Repo! The Genetic Opera

Doubt

Like There Will Be Blood last year and Notes on a Scandal the year before, Doubt showcases the highest (or deepest) levels of technique. I’ve been known to criticize ambiguity, because it’s often used as an excuse to justify lame storytelling. But in this case, the movie’s called Doubt, so I’ll give it the benefit. And the ambiguity here is sublime, driven by the great performances shrouded with subtlety. The many close-ups are filled with stern faces, trying but failing brilliantly to restrain innuendo. Thankfully, too, the movie plays more like a thriller than an unsavory drama. The potential creepy, rapey-ness of the story is almost invisible. The moral rests in the capable hands of Amy Adams’ Sister James, who even at the bitter end finds her faith in the goodness of humanity to be more powerful than her doubt.

The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

Cluttered with sub-plots, it strays too far from the key relationship for lengthy periods. Ideally, it would enrich a saga to fill in backgrounds and back-stories. But here, it’s done at the expense of some key eras, shortened or left-out of the movie entirely. As I watched, I couldn’t wait for Benjamin’s high school years. How would Fincher/Pitt/Blanchette approach Benjamin’s life-long wisdom, as he is trapped in the body of a teenager? He would have to be schooled, right? It would be illegal if he weren’t. They glossed COMPLETELY over this very impressionable part of a person’s life, as well as others I won’t divulge. So it was frustrating. They violated David Lynch’s number one rule: pay attention to the doughnut, not the hole. It’s not a bad movie. It just could have been much, much better and still have a shorter running time.

Frost/Nixon

It’s a fantastic history lesson. (Not as good as Milk, but still…) The acting is superb by everyone, including Patty McCormack! The filmmaking is consummate. But I had trouble connecting with this emotionally. I walked away from The Queen with a clear idea of the theme. But here, I’m not so sure what to take away. Nixon wasn’t such a bad guy??

Revolutionary Road

I know, I know. I’m supposed to like this kind of thing. I WANTED to like it. It’s Sam Mendes. It’s Kate and Leo. It’s got oodles of merit and pedigree. But it took too long to become honest, and the stilted, blue-blooded socialites, the people “Frank” and “April” believed they were supposed to be, started to drive me crazy after a while. Thankfully, mid-way through, a truly honest character barges onto the screen. Michael Shannon’s wise, electro-shocked malcontent swoops in like The Dark Knight and tears everybody a new one. I wish the whole movie was about THAT guy. It’s skillfully made, superbly acted, but it just didn’t do it for me. If I wanted to watch people argue for two and a half hours, I’d rent Who’s Afraid of Virginia Woolf.

The Reader

Kate Winslet was great in this, of course, and I was pleasantly surprised that it went in some unexpected directions. However, I was a little disappointed in the Ralph Finnes flashback structure. He was so dour and somber, I just wanted Winslet back on the screen. (And not just because of all the nudity.) It seems to be a movie struggling to break free from the constraints of the source novel. And it’s very British in that way that there’s drama found in characters ALMOST doing things. In spite the gloomy final third, I found this worthwhile if only for Winslet and the clever plot shifts.

Gran Torino

What would “Dirty Harry” be like as a grumpy old man? Gran Torino fashions such a caricature of that old coot that at one point he actually barks, “You kids get off my lawn!” But the surprising screenplay by Nick Schenk skillfully and carefully eases Eastwood’s overt bigot through a lesson of tolerance. The script walks the finest of lines, spewing racial slurs, but delivering them from mouth of a sympathetic boor. And in context, Eastwood manages to land these offenses as laughs. There are more laughs in Gran Torino than in most comedies. How did they do it? Racism isn’t supposed to be funny. Ask Michael Richards. This could have gone down in flames. But the first few times Eastwood calls the neighbor a “zip” there’s a nervous mumble from the crowd. By the end, every one of Eastwood’s racist tirades gets a roar like an Apatow comedy. I’m not 100% sure why it works. Just like I’m not sure why Tropic Thunder’s “full retard” scene nearly gave me a hernia. I would like to think that this means some taboos will be a little less taboo, and easier to discuss in the public discourse. So if a writer writes about race relations it doesn’t automatically make them a racist. Or, maybe Clint’s just funnier than we thought. Anyway, it's a hell of a lot better than Changeling.

The Day the Earth Stood Still

Keanu’s perfectly cast for this and the movie grabs you right away, skillfully showing the terrifying urgency of how an alien encounter might be handled behind the scenes. Jennifer Connelly stoically services the story in her impossibly pretty way and for a while there it seems like it’s all going to be okay. Then we start to get to know her son, played by Jaden Pinket-Smith and it all starts to go down hill. He’s the most hate-able little fucker to roll up on the big screen since Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds. He was ungrateful, bratty, and had all the subtlety of a flying brick. I hated his hair! To be fair, the script is partially to blame, creating such an unlikable little bastard. It would be a tough character for anybody to take on, much less a child actor. And so much of the story rests on this kid, all engines fail very quickly. There is also a really frustrating negligence of logic near the end that completely nullifies the neat opening. There are some things to like here. Keanu’s perfectly nestled in his sci-fi element. And there’s some nifty robotic locusts that show up at one point. But yow! The ending was a dud.

Milk

Sean Penn is outstanding in what is otherwise a “straightforward” bio-pic. The cast of characters ends up being far more interesting than the plot itself, which is comprised of slightly disjointed episodes. The movie takes too long to introduce Dan White, a key figure in Harvey Milk’s life, well-portrayed by Josh Brolin. I wonder if the story would have been better served if Van Sant and company began the movie with the introduction of Dan White and went on from there. Nevertheless, the acting is top-notch and it introduced me to an amazing event in history that I new absolutely NOTHING about.

Transporter 3

A phoned-in action sequel. Statham’s likable, but hardly present. The karate’s so cutty, it’s difficult to enjoy the choreography. Adequate, but barely.

The Punisher

Indeed.

Slumdog Millionaire

Directors Danny Boyle & Loveleen Tandan and writer Simon Beaufoy have delivered a love-letter to the art of making movies. They show me India like I’ve never seen it, modern, hyper-kinetic, and heartbreakingly Dickensian. It’s just about everything you could want in a movie. In spite of incredible odds, the hero Jamal somehow remains optimistic. The villains are ruthless scoundrels. The love is unrequited, boundless, and heroically unconsummated. It’s beautifully shot and made with such manic care, it’s as though Boyle and company were possessed by the spirit of David Lean on a Red Bull binge. The result is a feast. Even with an expected conclusion, it’s completely surprising and totally original. I don’t see how this COULDN’T get a best picture nomination.

Twilight

What if Judy Blume wrote a vampire book? "Are you there God? It's me, Bella?" This is a weepy, sappy melodrama bereft of conflict, so much so that the thin plot contrives a villain two-thirds in just to create some jeopardy. Robert Pattinson fares well as the emo vampire, but Kristen Stewart sulks and pouts enough to make you wonder what the hell Edward sees in her in the first place. For that matter, why would Edward bother going to high school at all? He says it's because he can stay in town longer, but any job at Starbucks would accomplish the same thing. I could feel the women in the audience swoon at certain key points -- it reminds me of this decade’s Legends of the Fall. But beyond the swoon-factor for the ladies there’s very little to recommend.

Last Chance Harvey

Before Sunrise in London for "people of a certain age." Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson are both extremely likeable pros, and manage to pull off a bit of unlikely chemistry. But I always felt like I was about ten seconds ahead of the plot, so it seemed very predictable. Maybe that’s a good thing? Nevertheless, it’s deeply-rooted in its belief that no one should ever give up on romance. (But, then again, maybe romance only exists in schmaltzy movies like this…)

Quantum of Solace

I can’t really give this a fair review. There was an altercation in the theater that distracted me and threw off my mojo. But of what I saw, it felt a little too “Bond Identity” and not enough Casino Royale. I missed Martin Campbell’s wide shots and long takes. And though she’s stunning, Olga Kurylenko has all the charisma of a bucket of sand. (The generic script is partially to blame.) Mathieu Amalric slithers around with the best of the Bond villains, but there’s no WAY he could go the distance with Bond in hand-to-hand. I wanted to like it, so I’ll give it another chance.

Casino Royale

My third theatrical screening. Still impressive. Expository dialogue during the poker scene is still hilarious. Martin Campbell still impresses with dramatic wide shots and long takes. And above all, it’s Eva Green as the young, in-over-her-head accountant Vesper Lynd. She’s vulnerable, but not a victim, and she’s imposing without knowing a shred of karate.

Captain Abu Raed

BEAUTIFULLY directed by Amin Matalqua. I was grateful for a dark twist near the end. It was on its way to becoming the Arabian Big Fish, which wouldn’t be a bad thing, but Amin’s personality comes out a little more thanks to the final minutes. A special mention goes to Nadim Sawalha, a sturdy supporting player of numerous “Arab guy” roles for years, including a couple of Bond movies and Ishtar. His strong performance, along with the deft filmmaking, gives Jordan’s foreign film selection a good chance at an Oscar nomination.

Repo! The Genetic Opera

The girl from Spy Kids, “Giles” from Buffy, opera star Sarah Brightman, vacuous socialite Paris Hilton, the lead singer of “Skinny Puppy” and Paul Sorvino in a futuristic, post-apocalyptic rock-opera about a blood-thirsty repo-man who butchers deadbeat recipients of human organs who don’t pay their bills? From the director of Saw 2, 3, & 4? That AGAIN? That old chestnut?? Come on, Lionsgate! Be original, for once!

(Not recommended for children or the squeamish.)

Changeling

More or less a glorified “Lifetime” movie. Angelina Jolie cries in every scene. Clint Eastwood was the wrong director for this movie, and the moments that needed a light touch are handled with the subtlety of a jackhammer. You know there’s a problem when it’s based on a true story, yet the whole thing feel histrionic and preposterous. If something really happened, it shouldn’t be treated like a cliché. The movie leaves many unanswered questions, too. It’s well-shot, but it could have used the delicate hands of Ang Lee or Paul Greengrass.

Role Models

C+. A suitable comedy with some decent rated-R laughs and snappy one-liners from Sean William Scott and Paul Rudd. There’s also a funny plot-departure into the bizarre world of medieval role-playing, and a radically outlandish performance from Jane Lynch with what could have been a run-of-the-mill foil.

The Wrestler

In my short history of blogging, I’ve never come across a movie so difficult to review. I’m self-conscious because I can’t possibly, in a few words, heap the kind of praise of which this film is worthy without seeming insincere; a Will Ferrell as James Lipton, praise-showering phony.

In previous reviews, I’ve admired Daniel Day-Lewis for his amazing technique, George Clooney for his unlikely vulnerability, and I’ve admired Christian Bale, among others, for his willingness to transform physically for a role. All skills that, when employed in the right movie, can make for a great performance. Here, Mickey Rourke has managed to pull-off ALL THREE qualities, and with The Wrestler has given a portrayal for the ages. Not to mention that he’s Mickey Rourke, so he comes to the table with all kinds of baggage, and we come to the theater with all kinds expectations of who we think he is. But he embodies his character so completely that he tears down all those expectations and redefines himself as an actor. See?? Now it seems like I’m trying to sound important.

Marisa Tomei is the Wrestler’s emotional counterpart. She also gives the performance of a lifetime as, believe it or not, the stripper with a heart of gold. Like him, she’s heartbreakingly vulnerable as she struggles in a career that prioritizes youth, and for her audience of young men, she pretends to be something she is not.

The Wrestler is unlike any of Aronofsky’s other movies. With screenwriter Robert D. Siegel, they’ve paid loving homage to the touchstone sports metaphors: Rocky, Raging Bull, and even a little bit of The Champ. It’s devastatingly sad, but the tone modulates well, making small victories all the more poignant. There’s enough here to make a grown man cry. Ten-fold. It makes me wonder where Mickey Rourke has been all this time. (Sin City, I guess.) But then again, perhaps everything he’s done up until now has led him to this movie, the one for which he’ll be remembered forever.

Poundcake

This likable low-budget comedy actually plays it pretty safe. The feuding siblings, drifting through life, trying to detect their own purpose, is a worthwhile canvass for some easy laughs. Unfortunately, it almost smothers itself in its mid-80’s soundtrack. Still, it’s not all that profound, but the cast makes it watchable.

Until the Light Takes Us

Accomplishes a very important goal. It introduces us to a world and a subculture that we have never seen before. In the early 90’s in Norway, the founders of a heavy metal movement called black metal got completely carried away and started burning down churches and killing each other. It’s not so much that it’s a skillfully made doc, it withholds information for too long attempting to create false suspense. But it opens a window to a teeny-tiny part of our world we would never know about otherwise. It’s VH1s "Behind the Music", but distilled, supercharged and atomic-powered.

The Brothers Bloom

Cut from the Wes Anderson cloth, it’s a sweet comedy with sharp performances and perfectly-timed gags. The zany tone eventually gives way to the con-artist plot, which is fine. There are fun twists and a genuine romance between Adrian Brody and the always luminous Rachel Weisz. An excellent follow-up to Brick which was a favorite of mine.

Zach and Miri Make a Porno

What if Bowfinger was a porno? Kevin Smith is really a romantic at heart and this silly, simple movie hit all the right romantic notes. It’s firmly rooted in that fantasyland where a doofus like Seth Rogen actually has a chance with Elizabeth Banks. There is no AIDS. And the ensemble of supporting misfits, a necessity of the genre, aren’t sleazy porn people, but lovable and sincere. The only thing slightly realistic is the language. Let’s be honest, this is really the way people talk. Anybody who pretends to be offended is a liar. But Smith and company really try for a theme: respect the reasons why someone loves you and honor them. If someone loves you for your good qualities, don’t forego those qualities just to prove to someone you don’t love them. There’s no reason to live up to impossible expectations, just embrace the good qualities of yourself; the things that make people love you. Smith is cozy in this milieu and tells his best stories here. And I firmly believe that the most romantic movies these days aren’t the Richard Gere/Diane Lane kissing on the beach movies, but the frank, hard “R” sex comedies. Forgetting Sara Marshal, Choke, and this. This is where the bravest and truest things are being said about love.

Pride and Glory

Plenty of… ACTING! But the script and story are completely stilted because of horribly expositional dialogue.
“Hey, Ed Norton! How’s your sister?"
"Who? The one who was in the horrible car accident last year? The one who lost her hand then divorced her husband? The one who resents me for my success? Oh, she’s fine.”
Lots of cop jargon and police-drama clichés make this a big, smelly disappointment.

W.

Josh Brolin is great as the child who’s in over his head. All the performances are strong from Jeffrey Wright’s subtle Colin Powell to Thandie Newton’s hilariously cartoonish Condoleeza Rice. The problem is, how do you end this movie? There’s no result. It’s a lot like the Bush presidency. How many times is he going to screw up before it ends? The movie doesn’t feel like it’s building toward anything dramatically. Also, it skips over major misdeeds in the Bush presidency, which is unfortunate but necessary. There are only so many hours. Nevertheless, it’s satisfying to see Oliver Stone and a cast of great actors turn the screws a bit. But it barely eases the sting from eight years of havoc.

Quarantine

…contributes few original ideas to the zombie lexicon, but it’s directed and acted as voraciously as the best of the bunch. I nearly peed myself. Much of its success is due to the first-rate performance of Jennifer Carpenter. Her hysteria was so authentic, it made up for weak third act during which the few survivors lack a plan and just kind of flail around. The Blair Witch/Cloverfield P.O.V. camera was less annoying than its predecessors, mainly because the camera operator was meant to be a news videographer with a keen eye. Long, kinetic takes create great suspense and allow for real scares. Not the false, “it’s-only-the-cat” fake-outs typical in the genre, but truly tense scenes. So, it’s not Shakespeare. But it’s well-made and worth seeing.

RocknRolla

Fun, but not laugh-out-loud funny. It seems like every cast member has an English accent from a different region of Britain. Not that Guy Ritchie was trying to showcase diversity or anything. He’s more determined than ever to spin a bona-fide crime-fiction yarn. The plot is the most cohesive of any of his movies, even though it’s primarily focused on one objet d'art which, though unseen, serves its purpose as a ridiculously valuable McGuffin. The cast is strong and the pace is brisk. But the hi jinx of previous Ritchie movies has been dialed-back significantly here. That could either be a good thing or a bad thing.

Religulous

Bill Maher is better when he asks a lot of tough questions without condescending to his subjects. When he starts to debate, he comes off as a dick, although many of his ”dick” moments are admittedly funny. Maher leaves many of the world’s religions completely out of the mix as he focuses on the fundamentalists -- those who use their religions to manipulate, deceive or to justify war. It’s scary how many “Christians” believe the end of days will come in our lifetime, and they are they only ones who will be saved. It’s also scary to hear some of the Islamic scholars deny that there is anyone using their beliefs as an excuse to eradicate the Jews. As I’ve always said: denial ain’t just a river in England. It’s a movie that needed to be made, but he should have kept it funny. It gets a little “preachy” at the end, which is kind of pointless, since anybody who buys a ticket is already converted.

The Matrix

Few movies in history have managed to encapsulate the high and low art of comic books so thoroughly as The Matrix. It’s an almost perfect hybrid of kung fu and sci-fi, gun-fetishism and spirituality, carnality and philosophy. Granted, it’s philosophy 101. But still, very few movies so determined to entertain also dare to be genuinely profound. It’s fun to have your mind blown, as I did again when Neo realizes: when he is loved in his real world, he can do anything in his dream world -- even stop bullets and, at last, as the chorus sings, see the matrix.

Choke

Many reviewers claimed Choke is nihilistic and perverse. I thought it was the EXACT OPPOSITE. I thought it was romantic and optimistic. I LIKED THIS. This movie has a big heart at its core, and the skilled, earnest portrayal of a struggling man by Sam Rockwell. As funny as it is, it’s never hysterically, laugh-out-loud funny because there’s a deep, poignant thread running through the whole story. I was genuinely rooting for the flawed hero as he tries to reconcile with his dying mother while he believes there might be a chance to save her. Yes, the “solution” to saving his mother is perverse; a terribly (ah-hem) “ill-conceived” plan, but that just helps us understand and really care about Rockwell’s hilariously misguided character. It’s a really honest depiction of a screwed up guy with a true need to change his life. Choke is honest about sex and about love, and dares to dip a big toe into an ocean of uncharted taboos.

Miracle at St. Anna

I stopped counting how many times during the 2 hour and 40 minute running time I smacked myself on the head and thought, “Spike! What are you THINKING!?” This is a mess. It’s hard to know who the main character is or what they want. Normally in these movies the g.i.s need to blow up a bridge or take a hill. But there’s a lot of weird, meaningless scenes here. Probably taken from the book. And it’s never clear what the hell’s going on! There are some decent performances, but as a whole this is a mess. Very frustrating.

Ghost Town

A very familiar retread of Ghost and The Sixth Sense, but the likable cast makes it work. It’s funny in all the right places and sentimental enough without being syrupy. A wholly pleasant movie.

Lakeview Terrace

I expected trashy, but this mish-mash of Cape Fear & Crash lacks any through-line. Sometimes it’s suspenseful, and sometimes it seems like the characters can’t remember what happened in the preceding scene. Sam Jackson’s coming at them with a chainsaw one minute, the next minute they’re all chummy having drinks. The script feels like a product of development meetings. Some adolescent USC grads trying to get their newbie fingerprints on a script to prove they’re valuable to their boss. (i.e. parents’ tennis buddy.) In the late 80’s and early 90’s these kinds of thrillers were a dime a dozen. Here, they fail to spice up the recipe by trying to make the villain sympathetic. It’s too bad it couldn’t be what it wanted to be about: racism.

Burn After Reading

Second viewing.

It was nice to hear the final scene again, and behold J.K. Simmons as he wonders, "What did we learn?" Some CIA suit trying to find the meaning of it all. Brilliant.

Righteous Kill

Old cops pontificating about the "job." All of the action is offscreen so the movie won't reveal who the killer is, which is shoddy execution that is dangerously boring. I still believe in Carla Gugino and I think she has yet to play her definitive part. As for Pacino and DeNiro: Grumpy Old Men 3?

Burn After Reading

A perfect serving of Coens lunacy. At one point John Malkovich as the bitter CIA analyst accuses another character of being in a “league of morons.” That would almost make a better title. Everyone in this movie is either selfish, crazy, stupid, paranoid or some combination of all four. Everyone’s motives are misguided and idiotic, but never totally evil. However, the consequences of their idiocy and paranoia are deadly, which is why this movie MUST take place in Washington D.C. What’s amazing about this is the tone gradually and expertly transforms from a straight-faced farce to an outright lunatic binge. The transformation is so elegantly invisible, by the final scene I was in hysterics, laughing retroactively at the impossibly tangled web. Everyone in the cast is great, but J.K. Simmons and David Rasche are standouts as the bureaucrats trying to make sense of it all.

Bottle Shock

Sideways wasn’t about wine. It was about Paul Giamatti. Wine was just the setting. Wine was the metaphor. Bottle Shock tries to be about the actual fields of grapes themselves, so the characters take a back seat. Some of the performances are weird, and the plot meanders from character to character. The movie’s drowning in b-roll. Endless helicopter shots of Napa Valley slow the pace to a crawl. The movie’s never sure what it wants to be. Artificial suspense is inserted unskillfully to keep the audience awake until the very predictable conclusion. It’s not a bad movie, really. It’s like a glass of “two-buck Chuck.” You can drink it, but you can’t really recommend it.

Traitor

Don Cheadle’s excellent in his version of Bourne Identity. Some of the twists are familiar, while others come so far out of the blue, they don’t even seem possible. Guy Pearce is solid as the g-man trying to unlock Cheadle’s motives. But it’s the motives of some of the other, minor characters we’re left not understanding. And those are the important ones, since they’re the people who strap bombs to themselves.

The House Bunny

Everyone knows: I likes me the Anna Faris. The House Bunny is overly familiar in every possible way. But it succeeds by perfecting one essential movie-making component – delivery. And that is all thanks to Anna Faris. The Revenge of the Nerds plot with a Sparticus ending is the weak crust that barely holds the gooey confection inside. But when it’s all delivered on a delicate tightrope act balancing between dumb blonde and well-meaning big sister, the situations are funny and the laughs are plentiful. I didn’t grow as a person. But I reinforced my belief in Anna, who I believe has the comic timing of a master. A master of comic timing, I guess. If there is such a thing. Which there isn’t. But if there was…

Star Wars: The Clone Wars

Sucks this movie does. See it you should not. Backwards Yoda talks. Annoying it is. Never discussed the “force” is. Waiting in the wings, never to help, R2-D2 is. Horribly conceived and written the character of Ahsoka is. A Jedi she is not. Terrible the animation is. Of wood Obi-Wan’s beard is made. Stupid it looks. This movie, if you must, see, but gouge your eyes out you will.

Tropic Thunder

The first twenty minutes of this movie I laughed almost non-stop. Ben Stiller et al have made a really funny satire about a very easy target: actors. Downey comes-off the best, nailing the smug confusion of his method actor character perfectly. His “full retard” scene with Stiller is outrageously funny, and so true it may hit certain actors too close to home. Tom Cruise also fares well, even though I wonder, is it funny? Or is it funny just because it’s Cruise? It’s really so strong because it prioritizes the joke over everything else, especially political correctness. It commits to the bit. My gratitude for that commitment alone was worth the price of admission.

The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

An unmitigated disaster. The dialogue was so bad, it made my ears bleed. The premise - the reason to make the movie - was flawed to the core. It's simple math. Why take an actor, Brendan Frasier, born in 1968, and try to convince an audience he has a college-aged son, played terribly by actor Luke Ford, who was born in 1981. (and looks older than that!) Why have the son at all? And why cast a 27 year old! It's ridiculous. Shia LaBeouf looks 10 years younger than Luke Ford, and he plays the son of Harrison Ford, who's at least 60! So you see what I'm saying. No wonder Rachel Weiss skipped the whole thing. She comes out looking like the genius in all of this. You can convince me Jet Li is a supernatural mummy. You can convince me Michelle Yeoh is an immortal witch. If you're lucky, maybe you can convince me yetis are benevolent creatures. But you just can't convince me Brendan Frasier and Maria Bello have a 27-year-old son. Yeesh! (By the way, I liked the other two movies. They were bad, but in a fun way.)

Also, the one-liners in this are so terrible they seem as if they were written by someone who was trying to destroy the reputations of all writers everywhere throughout history. Like their goal was to sabotage and eliminate the profession of screenwriter, for some larger evil purpose.

Everyone but the costume designer phoned this in. Holy crap. I need a shower.

Hole in a Paper Sky

For the first time in the two-and-a-half year history of this blog, I’m reviewing a short film. But only because it deserves it. Producers Jessica Biel & Michelle Purple, Director Bill Purple, and screenwriter Howard Kingkade could teach a master class in the often ignored filmmaking dictum “keep it simple.” Deep subtext and emotion can be raised from the simplest of stories, like here, where a lonely man falls in love with a dog. It's a simple story, beautifully executed, without a cynical bone in it’s whole body. Unabashedly sentimental. Nice too, to see the emotion so thoroughly trump the logic. You never stop and ask how certain coincidences happen. You’re just too wrapped up in that damned dog. Outstanding and Inspiring. (I said in my review of Chuck and Larry: Biel deserves better. This. This is better.)