Looper

**SPOILER-RAMA!**

It’s basically The Terminator. But the filmmakers go out of their way to pepper the plot with futuristic gismos and rules and subplots and paradoxes, all seemingly designed to distract you from realizing that it’s basically the same plot as Cameron's opus. Another way they try to distract is to anchor the movie with great actors giving great performances, raising this from a b-movie, time-travel gimmick into an intensely watchable sci-fi parable. So while it might not be completely original, it’s a fun night at the movies.

End of Watch

Made in a faux documentary format, it reminded me of the show “Cops.” The acting and cop detail are top notch. The personal lives of the main characters are explored deeply and respectfully. But it’s the moments of levity, when the cops are giving each other the business, that really make the movie shine. It makes you want to go up to a cop and thank them for all of their hard work and service, but know that they’re going to laugh at you behind your back as soon as you walk away.

The Possession

Don’t have a lot of strong opinions about this. It’s a low-budget, PG-13 creep fest that adeptly maneuvers through all of the well-worn clichés of a “child possessed” movie. Efforts to make it unique by making it the “Jewish Exorcism” are successful, in that it’s a slightly different spin on the familiar tale. There are no embarrassingly bad moments, but nothing trail-blazingly original, either. (I laughed several times when the demonic girl screamed, "Don't touch my box, daddy! No one touches my box but ME!") Religious stuff tends to be really scary to some. God, the devil, demons, and spirits remind people about their mortality, which is innately terrifying. But in terms of a movie plot, the spiritual hullabaloo can always be resolved by the simple reading of some book or incantation. Story-wise it’s kind of anticlimactic but cinematically there’s always plenty of set dressing askew and child vomit to be mopped up.

The Master

Is it or is it NOT about Scientology? It sure seems like it is. But more specifically it's about one guy, a war tarnished, sexually frustrated simpleton, played with balls and intensity by Joaquin Phoenix, who falls for the sci-fi sermons of a charismatic author. Impeccably directed, it imprints lasting scenes and images that dare to confront but never resolve the reasons why someone would join a cult. I found my mind drifting away during sequences that float separately from the plot, which intend to be symbolic or just cinematically pretty. But the one-on-one face offs between Phoenix and his life coach, Phillip Seymour Hoffman, are riveting. My mind also keeps going back to a scene on the beach, where Phoenix first hilariously assaults a woman-shaped sandcastle, but then lies next to it, longingly.

ParaNorman

Norman can see dead people. They’re everywhere! So it’s not a mind-blowingly original premise, but the animation is very cool and there are parts that are actually pretty scary. It seems like the producers are hoping for A Nightmare Before Christmas holiday tradition -- something timeless that kids will watch over and over again, every Halloween. I’m not sure if it’s all THAT. But it’s still an enjoyable family flick.

Cosmopolis

This reminds me a lot of Cronenberg's movie Spider from 2002. While Cronenberg stamps his name all over it, there’s none of the action, suspense or brutality of his many great movies. That doesn’t make this a bad movie, it just makes it a very boring one. It’s absolutely minimalistic. This makes A Dangerous Method look like Raiders of the Lost Arc. Performances are good, and I’m sure some of the ideas talked about in the dialogue are meaningful. But it’s so intentionally slow and sullen, Indy might say it might be better off in a museum.

Premium Rush

Having proven his stunt performing abilities in Inception, the busy JGL delivers a fun and tense diversion here. While not truly weak, the script and motivations of the extra creepy villain (Michael Shannon) are pretty thin. But that’s not the point of Premium Rush. The point is a ticking clock and one long bike chase. Filmmakers wallow in wild, “Go-Pro” style shots of bikes racing in, around, and OVER New York city traffic. (How’d they shoot some of that stuff??) It’s a bicycle fetishist’s wet-dream, and truly a cinematographer’s movie. It’s like one long, amazing Red Bull commercial. It’s definitely worth seeing if you like this sort of thing, i.e. bikes and/or camera gadgetry and/or Manhattan settings. And most people looking for a decent action movie will probably like it, too.

The Expendables 2

Embarrassing. Especially the lame efforts to work in all the action stars’ bygone catch-phrases. How many more “I’ll be back” jokes do we really need? The miracle of this movie is the actors who managed NOT to embarrass themselves. The real stunt fighters, Jet Li and Jason Statham, manage to make it out unscathed. Chuck Norris, not so much.

Awesome; I Fuckin' Shot That!

A wildly entertaining and inventive concert film of a Beastie Boys show from 2004. 50 audience members were given cameras and the film cuts between them, often creating rhythmic and almost stop-motion animated movement. Directed by Adam Yauch, it’s an undiscovered gem.

The Campaign

There’s nothing really new here, and the resolution is clunky, but I laughed. Filmmakers take jokes all the way up to their R-Rated potential, which is refreshing these days, when so many other comedies are pulling punches.

The Bourne Legacy

There isn’t an action scene in this movie for the first hour. Kind of risky for an action movie. It’s all exposition, except for a very un-fun gun massacre in a research lab. The former “Bourne” director Greengrass kept the talky scenes moving with a dancing camera and crazy cuts. But the current director Gilroy slows it all way down, requiring a little bit of patience. Once the action starts, though, it never stops. It’s fun, but you can tell they did it on a lower budget. During the chase, all the onlookers were staring at the camera!

Beasts of the Southern Wild

They should have called this movie Where the Fuck are all of the Social Workers? Because it’s competently shot, this movie has a way of tricking you into thinking that it’s better than it is. Despite a really good child performance, this movie is a mess. It’s all pretentious, abstract symbolism. There’s nothing tangible or coherent. There’s barely a story, barely a plot and there’s no real point. I felt empty, angry and dirty when I left the theater. Imagine if, in Slumdog Millionaire, the little kid who dived into the shit at the beginning stayed covered in shit for the whole movie and there was a very sad, pointless ending. You might ask yourself, why did I watch this? That’s how I feel about "Beasts." But I’m sure everyone will say how important it is. I say: ew!

Total Recall

It’s amazing to me that I could still be impressed by computer effects, but well, here I am. Swooning. Seeing the cityscapes, future-cars, and super-elevators was awesome. Unfortunately, the script is joyless and dead serious. While the performances are skilled, I didn’t wind up caring very much for the characters or their peril.

The Amazing Spiderman

…shouldn’t be called “Amazing”. Maybe “The Usual Spiderman.” This feels like a TV movie version of a Spiderman movie, with none of the gravitas of the Sam Raimi movies. (I still maintain that Spiderman 2 is one of the best superhero movies ever made.) Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone are appealing leads, but they’re both WAY too old and sophisticated. It’s like watching John Travolta and Olivia Newton John in Grease all over again. They could be teachers! It’s not so much that it’s a “bad” movie. There’s nothing wrong with it, per se. I’m sure the kids will like it. But it’s just a shame that Spiderman is no longer Jesus.

The Dark Knight Rises

After a few days to think about the movie, and in light of the people in Aurora who died to see it, it seems like bad form to say this but, here goes: this movie doesn’t make any sense. The plot and the timelines don’t track, the motives of the villain, Bane, are foggy, and the villainous plan is terribly flawed. In The Dark Knight, the Joker had some flawed plans too, but he was crazy and he was trying to produce some large-scale joke-shop trickery. Bane, who sounds like a cross between Darth Vader and Tim Curry, isn’t named “the Joker”, so his plans can’t be big jokes. They need to serve some purpose. And when all the twists come to light, it’s way too easy to deconstruct the plan and say, “What the fuck?? What did he WANT all this time?” Nevertheless, there are some epic, bone-chilling action scenes and a very good ending, so it’s still worth seeing, even if the plot has holes you could drive ten batmobiles through.

Bernie

A likeable dark comedy featuring Jack Black in one of his best performances. Director Linklater intercuts real interviews with actual accounts of Bernie, thus bringing a more realistic, docudrama feel to the story that might otherwise come off as too creepy to be true. The cast is great, the pace is speedy, and the creep factor, especially when Jack Black sings in the church choir, is high. It’s a fun movie.

Brave

** SPOILER TIME!!**

Is this a feminist parable? Is it symbolic of anything greater than itself? Is it based on some great Scottish fable? It’s really hard to tell. One third of the way into the movie, the main character accidentally turns her mother into a bear. A Bear! So then the rest of the movie is spent trying to figure out how to turn her back into a woman. Is that symbolic of anything? I know in many fairy tales there are candlesticks, toads, wooden puppets, and “beasts”, but bears? It feels like a Non sequitur. A beautifully animated Non sequitur.

Ted

A predictable bromance hitting all the major beats of the boy-meets-bear, boy-loses-bear, boy-gets-bear-back arc. Many of the jokes aren’t funnier just because the teddy bear is saying them, so they’re missing some situational potential. But the cast is likeable and committed, and the laughs come often enough, so no harm, no foul.

Seeking a Friend for the End of the World

…could be cited in a screenwriting textbook as a perfect example of what NOT to do in a screenplay. This was awful! Characters have weak goals, they set out on quasi-quests that go unfulfilled, they leave notes for people they hope to confront. It’s a disaster! They all DESERVE to die! There’s one funny scene in a TGI Friday’s that hints at what this movie could have been. A bacchanal. A balls-to-the-wall, petal-to-the-metal sex and revenge orgy. Then as the Earthlings stand naked and bloodied, awaiting their fate, the asteroid cruises right on by as the credits role. That’s the movie I want to see. This? This was terrible.

Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter

An amazing, unknown piece of history! Some of today’s best historians, including Bill O’Reilly and the publishers of textbooks in Texas, have discovered brand new facts about historical figures and scientific theories that bravely and completely redefine what less enlightened “scientists” and “historians” have been teaching us for years. This is no exception. Not only do vampires exist, but they caused the civil war. Lincoln was secretly trained to kill them! The cinematic depiction of Lincoln’s secret life is a bloody, flaming bonanza! Here’s hoping this information, along with the truth about where we come from, creationism, makes it into text books as soon as possible.

Savages

It’s actually kind of tame for an Oliver Stone movie. The ad campaign cultivates hope for another Natural Born Killers, a funny, insanely violent satire. But Savages falls more in line with U Turn, a dirty, dustbowl crime-fiction noir. A world in which there’s bad people and then there’s WORSE people. So it’s less dangerous than the title and the trailers would have you believe. Not that that’s bad. There are fun moments. But the ending’s a debacle so this is a mixed bag.

The Do-Deca-Pentathlon

The busy Duplass brothers just put out a movie in March, Jeff, Who Lives at Home. This seems like the same movie, but not as good. It’s more ugly, more “mublecore”, and the motives of the characters are less worked out. I admired this movie for the low-tech, improv style in which it was made. Five characters, one house, and lots of tension. This looks like it was made with a couple of credit cards. But the story of the feuding brothers in Jeff Who Lives at Home, along with the great cast, makes it a much better movie than this.

Safety Not Guaranteed

A pleasant romantic comedy about a reporter who at first investigates then befriends a kook who believes he can travel through time. The reporter, Aubrey Plaza, impressively acts with her eyes more than anything else, to great effect. The kook, played by Marc Duplass, is a little hard to believe as a sincere but misunderstood geek, since I’ve seen him play the wise-ass in so many other things, including The League. The movie says a lot about love, and wanting to go back to the past for no other reason than to take another shot at a long lost crush. It runs a little slow at times, but it feels pretty honest.

The Queen of Versailles

Great, great, great documentary. Funny in all the wrong places. I can’t pronounce it, and I can’t use it in a sentence, but the word “schadenfreude” comes to mind, which is to say that watching these obnoxiously dumb and outrageously wealthy people go from being billionaires to millionaires is both hilarious and painful. The trophy wife at the center of the story is Jackie Siegel, a beauty queen who married a sleazy time-share billionaire thirty years her senior. When she gives a tour of the 90,000 square foot house she’s building, talking about the ice rink and the bowling alley, you want to strangle her. Watching the money disappear, watching them layoff the servants, and watching Jackie try and keep her family together is hilarious and poignant. As I was watching, I could almost FEEL my worldview changing. I thought about how out-of-touch these people were. About ugly and nasty extreme wealth could be. I thought about poor people. And I thought about myself, and areas in my life where I waste money. In the end, Jackie Siegel comes off as a pretty decent person who really just wants a nice life for her family. She likes the bubble that she’s in -- she more or less admits that. But when she buys her son a bike, and the film cuts to a garage full of at least a dozen bikes, you can’t help but wanting to grab a sign and head on down to the nearest occupy Wall Street protest. A must see movie.

Prometheus

It’s possible that I was so happy to be seeing this movie that I may not have been able to watch it objectively. I can admit that and I think it’s perfectly fair to feel that way. Nevertheless... Ridley Scott’s long-awaited prologue was fantastic to watch. Every frame and every sound was beautifully expressed by the actors, the designers and the crew. It’s true: the script leaves a million unanswered questions and there are times when characters do really stupid things that smart scientists in space just wouldn’t do. But there are great performances here, too. From Noomi Rapace to Michael Fassbender. There are suspenseful sequences that terrified me. There’s a four-minute “surgery” scene that’s one of the most hilariously tense scenes I’ve seen in any movie in years. And in spite of all of the unanswered questions, the movie fulfills EXACTLY what it promises to: the origins of the Alien. Beyond that, we’ll just have to wait for the sequels. I’d buy my tickets now if I could.

Crooked Arrows

A really corny underdog sports movie with all the best intentions. Make a movie about a less popular sport. Check. Make a movie featuring Native American culture and Native American actors. Check. Have the team win the big game against the rich white dudes. Check. Have the hero learn a valuable lesson about himself and his heritage. Check. Have a “Spartacus” moment. Check. Have several wise elders dispense pearls of wisdom like, “You have the speed of the eagle.” Check. It’s a very by-the-numbers movie, but the 12-year-olds I saw it with liked it.

Snow White and the Huntsman

Expertly designed. The dark and creepy contrasts beautifully with the fairy tale utopia. It’s Charlize Theron’s movie, and she dives enthusiastically into her crazy, narcissistic queen, having a ball the whole time. Conversely, Kristin Stewart pouts and sulks throughout, even at the end when she’s supposed to be happy. Would it kill her to smile once in a while? Show some fucking levity? Yeesh. Still, it’s a fun movie to watch, seeing the fairy tale world rendered with bona fide imagination.

Moonrise Kingdom

It’s so Wes Anderson it’s almost TOO Wes Anderson. The only thing missing was a Wilson brother. Otherwise, the cast was amazing. Famous character actors drop in one right after the other, which helps prop up the main kids -- two new young actors, inexperienced, but trying their best. They don’t do a terrible job carrying the movie, but it’s still a relief when they cut back to Bruce Willis. I liked Darjeeling Limited more, maybe because the principals we’re closer to my age group. So I’m not saying I disliked this, I just had a little more trouble connecting emotionally to the circumstances, if that makes any sense. But it’s still very well designed in that precious and whimsical Wes Anderson style, a world of analogue color and nostalgia.

Men In Black 3

I liked this. It’s funny, it moves fast, and Will Smith’s comic timing feels perfectly in tact. Press reports say this was hard to make. Lots of rewriting and reshooting, etc. But I didn’t notice.

The Dictator

Funny, but didn’t blow my mind. I think the expectation is that Cohen will always be more outrageous than last time, so there’s nowhere for him to really go. I’m not always fond of comedians fucking with real people, even though it’s funny sometimes in Borat, so it’s a nice change of pace to see Cohen juxtaposed with an equally funny fictitious counterpart – Anna Feris. Departing from her klutzy blonde bombshell caricature that she’s mastered, she plays the tolerant, so-liberal-she’s-crazy lefty with wide-eyed perfection. Without her, Cohen’s dictator would just be an unlikeable maniac, but she sees the potential for good in anybody, a key strength/weakness of the bleeding-heart lib she embodies. The whole movie seems to be geared toward one big speech in which Cohen’s reformed dictator unloads about the hypocrisies of American democracy. It’s more political than most movies, which is good, but the comedic build up to this is a mixed bag, especially the scenes without Feris.

Sound Of My Voice

We walked out of this about halfway through, so I can't really give it a fair review.

The Avengers

Relished Tony Stark’s lighting-fast blabbermouth even more the second time around.

The Avengers

It’s really exciting to see the whole Marvel/Avengers plan come together. Since the first Iron Man, there was talk that this would happen, and I almost didn’t believe it. Could they really get everybody? Well, they didn’t get EVERYBODY. There’s no Ant Man… YET! Robert Downey is the glue that holds it all together, his heroics mashed with signature Joss Whedon zingers make for great tension and release. But the Hulk moments are the best. When you don’t have to “develop” the Hulk’s character, fill him with angst and regrets, feed Edward Norton’s ego; when the agenda is for the Hulk to SMASH, it’s primal joy. With a project this huge and with this much going for it, it would be hard to fuck up. There are still flaws. The secret hideout of the Avengers seems startlingly impractical, and the villain Loki’s vague plan to destroy the world seems a little Saturday morning cartoony. Also, Sam Jackson seems exceptionally tired. It’s probably exhausting trying to keep up with superheroes all day. But the rest of the cast is perfect. Their camaraderie is like jazz, and it’s impossible NOT to fantasize about sequels. Also, the traditional Avengers post-credit gag is hysterical. Don’t miss it.

Safe

I thought I would miss Jason Statham’s snappy one-liners, delivered with the Guy Richie, working class London brogue. But after the ridiculous set up, the plot draws you in, as bad guys raise the stakes and Statham kills as many of them as possible with karate or guns. So he doesn’t really play it English or funny, but he still kicks ass, which is good.

Lockout

Guy Pearce certainly has the physique and the witty repartee to anchor a big time space version of Escape from New York. But to make a great action movie, you must have a great villain. A villain who believes HE is the hero of the story. Alan Rickman. Dennis Hopper. Malcolm McDowell. Sharon Stone in Basic Instinct. And Lockout tries its best by casting a couple of crazy Scottish dudes. But they don’t really pack the punch. The effects are fun, the action is taut, but the stakes seem low, lacking the potential urgency triggered by a first-rate movie scoundrel.

The Three Stooges

What I can’t believe is that the Catholic League would actually be offended by this! And that the Farrellys would actually remove scenes based on the objections of the Catholic league! Isn’t the point of the stooges to poke fun, and/or put a thumb in the eye of the establishment? I could go on and on. Nobody can take a joke anymore. It’s not even that the jokes are all that funny. It’s more of a kids movie than anything else. Silly and unsophisticated. So why censor it? I sure am sick of religious people getting to decide everything.

Cabin in the Woods

A completely unexpected jolt of joyful movie insanity. A meta-film that both embraces and redefines the teen-horror genre. Except that it isn't that genre. It's its OWN genre. And it's one of those movies wherein you can't discuss WHY it's so good because you'd be giving everything away. And even if you tried to describe it, people would say, "That sounds stupid." So, most people won't see this movie because of the title and because they THINK they know what it's about. But they're missing out on a vitamin shot of pure elation. It's intoxicating. Extremely fun. I highly recommend it.

Wrath of the Titans

Seen in Real-D rather than Arclight 3D, I’m pleased to say that the movie was not too dark and flying swords and chunks of lava jumped out of the screen at me appropriately, as they should. The cast is strong and bring the right amount of gravitas to the oblique tale of gods, demigods, and monsters at war for some reason. There were several effects I really enjoyed, including long-computer-aided tracking shots, an appearance by forest dwelling giants, a cool land of stone mazes, and a massive lava monster. The story and the drama don’t really resonate, it’s a forgettable movie, but I was pleased nonetheless to have seen it.

American Reunion

The American Pie movies worked because they were always 75% funny and 25% sentimental. The heart behind all of the dirty jokes was always there. The problem with American Reunion is there’s TOO much sentiment, and not enough funny. Yes, it’s fun to see the big cast reunited, and it’s always a pleasure to watch Eugene Levy awkwardly trying to impart pearls of wisdom to his well-meaning son. But the reunion lacks the really raunchy dirty jokes, firmly rooted in truth, that made the other movies so refreshingly honest.

Hunger Games

Is it a criticism of reality television? Is it an indictment of the 1%? The allegory is slightly vague here, and it seems intentionally so. What sticks out in my memory is when Woody Harrelson is dispensing a last bit of advice to Jennifer Lawrence’s stoic contestant, “Look for fresh water.” Priorities, right? I never read the book, so I can’t comment on how closely it was adapted. But it’s an entertaining and thought-provoking sci-fi parable that probably would not have worked if it weren’t for the dumb-luck casting of Jennifer Lawrence. She brings a world-weary acceptance to the brutal hunger games, of which nobody ever seems to question the purpose. Yet.

The Raid: Redemption

It’s a super-violent, super-action-packed Indonesian martial arts movie, and it’s a lot of fun. The plot is something like: an Indonesian SWAT team tries to take down an Indonesian drug dealer holed up in a big, Indonesian building. One Indonesian SWAT guy, the good guy, knows the martial art that involves a lot of stabbing people and grabbing their legs and throwing them into things. (It might be called "Pencak Silat".) Anyway, it’s all really exciting and violent and there’s a lot of kicking and stabbing. A lot! Yay, violence!

Dose of Reality

A low-budget "Mamet" play set in a bar in which three people talk about their lives and stuff. It’s admirable for the tight budget, and certain twists come unexpected, but lead Fairuza Balk, MIA from the zeitgest for a while, acts circles around her co-stars, who always seem to be playing catch-up. This unbalance makes some sections of the movie tedious, and one wonders when the movie will get to the point. Still, I can see people getting drawn into this and being pleasantly amused by the ending.

Casa de mi Padre

Ya see, the joke is that it’s bad. Plenty of movies and TV shows have been made intentionally bad, as that is the central joke. I've liked some of them. I loved Black Dynamite. So that’s the whole deal. At times it’s funny because it’s bad. And at times Will Ferrell and company seem to be trying too hard to make it bad, if that makes sense. So it’s not a loving tribute to bad, but instead a criticism of bad, which is less funny, and therefore, more bad. So I guess I’m saying… it’s a mixed bad. (Hey-oh!)

Silent House

** SPOILER-RAMA **

At some point, after the questions have been answered about whether or not what the audience is watching is real or imagined, Silent House bravely plunges into psycho-sexual terrain. It could have gone horribly wrong. It comes close to being pretentious. But filmmakers dexterously walk a tightrope between realistic and thematic, and thanks to a daring and engrossing performance from Elizabeth Olson, the end result is a gimmicky but satisfying no-budget thriller.

John Carter

Well, first of all: they fucked up the title. It should be called "John Carter of Mars." And it’s not like it’s a bad movie. Lead actors are sincere and shapely. Creatures are animated skillfully. Landscapes, both real and computer-generated, are rendered beautifully. Costumes are inventive. So it’s not so easily explained why this movie landed with a thud. They say it’s the science fiction on which all other science fiction is based. So maybe that’s the problem. Maybe there’s just something about it that seems a little too familiar.

W.E.

Madonna takes the fascinating story of the love affair between Wallis Simpson and King Edward and bookends it with a modern-day story about a woman trying to find the courage to leave her husband. The segments featuring Wallis Simpson were gripping, emotional, and feature a great performance from actress Andrea Riseborough. But the modern day segments drag and suck power away from the historical romance. So it's a mixed bag. If the movie could be recut to only include the Simpson/Edward romance, Madonna would have a pretty good movie on her resume. But the dull modern segments, though they're not terrible, undercut the resonance of the whole movie.

Act of Valor

It’s funny that the word “act” is right there in the title, because this movie is about everything BUT acting. Footage of “real” Navy seals doing training exercises is impressive, but as soon as one of them speaks, my skin crawls. Navy Seals are really good at being Navy Seals. Actors are really good at pretending to be other people and embodying their characters. Movie stars are the Navy Seals of acting – they can’t really be underestimated. Thankfully, Act of Valor is mostly action and not acting. During the show, there's a 10 or 15 minute action sequence, and at the end of it all, one guy turns to the other guy and says, “I’m doing this for my family.” As good as the b-roll is, the Seals should stick to sniping Somali pirates and leave the line-readings to the experts.

Wanderlust

There’s an old saying: there’s nothing more unfunny than somebody trying too hard to be funny. Actually, that’s not an old saying, I just made it up. But in the case of Wanderlust, it’s unfortunately true. I’ve always admired the David Wain/Ken Marino/The State projects, from Reno 911 to The Ten to Children’s Hospital and so on. But Wanderlust lacks a premise beyond the initial yuppies become hippies, and the filmmakers hope that improvised shtick will fill in the blanks. It doesn’t. There’s so much potential here for satire that was squandered by Paul Rudd, Jennifer Aniston and the meager attempts to bookend comedic non-sequiturs with bad romantic comedy hokey-ness. It’s a lazy enterprise from a troupe that’s capable of much better. Nevertheless, I will tune into the new season of Children’s Hospital eagerly.

Safe House

I didn’t hate this but it didn’t blow my mind either. Ryan Reynolds and Denzel Washington both seem to be slumming it. They’re each a lot better than this lazy action movie fraught with typical fights and chases. Plus with the blue-ish color correction (over-correction) the whole experience is gloomy and forlorn. One wishes Reynolds would return to comedy and Washington would try something different.

The Woman In Black

In a departure from his Harry Potter days, Daniel Radcliffe is a one-man show here. It’s an old fashioned ghost story -- it could be an episode of Masterpiece Theatre. There are stuffy British actors, period costumes, and most importantly, creepy-ass toys. You can’t really make a scary movie these days without featuring creepy-ass toys. There’s also a spooky-ass castle and some scary-ass jump scares, all of which makes The Woman in Black worth the ticket price for those who like this type of thing. Despite the stuffy, old-timey setting, and a resolution that lacks kick, there’s good filmmaking here. It’s a successful endeavor by the newly resurrected Hammer Films.

Chronicle

DUDE #1: Okay. That’s it. From now on, I’m videotaping everything that happens in my life.
DUDE #2: How come, dude?
DUDE #1: Dude, I don’t owe you an explanation. Just go along with it.
DUDE #2: Okay, Dude. But good luck keeping those camera batteries charged.

There is inevitably a bunch of awkward dialogue to justify the home movie/found footage gimmick. Once the teenage heroes get that out of the way, and you stop asking yourself why anyone would be running a camera at certain points in the story, the story ITSELF is actually pretty good, and boils down to this: what if Peter Parker was bitten by the radioactive spider and turned into a giant dick? After a while, the “found footage” part of this spreads out to police footage and news footage. Kind of a cheat, but it reminded me of Look, a clever security camera drama that came out a few years ago. This is not mandatory to see in theaters, but it’s worth checking out…

The Grey

Never in the history of movies has a part been cast so perfectly. With every cell of his being, Liam Neeson embodies this great, Jack London archetype. Not for a moment do you doubt that this suicidal, poetry spewing oil-worker will gladly punch a giant wolf in the face. It’s uncanny how believable he is. The rest of the cast is also good, never shirking common sense, but vulnerable and trapped, they naturally lash out at each other in frustration. We were slightly baffled by the ending, as the screenplay doesn’t follow a traditional three-act structure and the conclusion seems abrupt. (We got lucky and stayed after the end credits.) Still, it’s two-thirds of a good movie that deserves a Nobel Prize in casting.

Underworld: Awakening

The simplicity of the plot is kind of inspiring: There’s a little girl. She’s “the Chosen one.” (Of course.) She’s been captured by baddies. Get the ass-kicking vampire chick out of cryogenic freeze to rescue her, and kill as many baddies as possible. I respect and admire the aspiration to be simple and clear, especially since the previous Underworld movies are horrible mazes of weird history and back-story, which was all meant to be filler in between leather-clad, vampire-chick beat-downs. The consummate Kate Beckensale delivers swift vampire justice elegantly, while the Shakespearean-trained villains chew the scenery reliably. There’s a lot of noise, but not a lot of emotion, and that’s what I expect from my vampires vs. werewolves movies. I guess if I wanted my vampires to emote, I’d watch Twilight, and, come on, I sure as hell ain’t gonna do THAT.

Haywire

This is a custom built vehicle for MMA fighter Gina Carano, who can stunt fight with the best of them and crush men’s balls with a mere gaze. There are some fun fights in this, prolonged, brutal, and absent of the typical action-movie cuttiness. Director Soderbergh is also clever enough to surround non-actor Carano with some of the best in the business, Michael Douglas, Ewan McGregor, and newly crowned leading man Michael Fassbender, all of whom appear to have been ordered to, “Make her look good…” There’s not much story here, and it could easily wait for video, but it’s a successful b-movie spy bruiser that might make Pam Grier or Jennifer Garner proud to have blazed the trail.

The River - Episodes 1 & 2

It’s the first time in the six year history of this weblog that I’ve reviewed a TV series. But I saw The River in a theatre, and if I see it in a theatre on a big screen, then it goes on the blog. Those are the rules.

It seems like a natural progression to take the haunted jungle from Lost and mix in the found-footage, documentary style that’s so popular with the kids these days. The River is a successful fusion -- exciting, dramatic, and also "realistic", thanks to the faux doc structure. But the main reason why it works isn’t the jump scares, of which there are plenty, but because the makers focus on the central family, their fame, their estrangements, and all the weird baggage that comes with that. Quintessential strong mom Leslie Hope and methody British stud Joe Anderson embody their characters expertly, while a motley film crew rounds-out the roughnecks who machete their way through the haunted jungle looking for Dad, who disappears after becoming obsessed with black magic. There's a lot of potential here. Introducing a new kind of black magic each week allows for the creators to have a new set of spooky rules. Hopefully, this will help to avoid violating the previously established spooky rules, the way that Lost so often did. Here’s hoping The River is a long and windy one.

Young Adult

Thankfully Academy Award winner Brook Busey stays away from her claim-to-fame Juno-esque teenspeak to develop these complicated characters through their choices. Charlize Theron uses her natural ability of attractive to skillfully embody this very flawed alcoholic home wrecker. The key relationship is with the high school nerd Paton Oswald, whose growth is also stunted, and the relationship they form is fascinating. Both characters seem to hate themselves, yet each character is completely unwilling to change. It’s a strong character study and a well-made movie, although it reminded me a lot of Bad Teacher, which was better and funnier, IMHO. (Uh-oh! Teenspeak!) On a very positive note, it’s an original screenplay by Busey -- not a spin-off, sequel, prequel, adaptation, historical adaptation, throwback, or any other safe movie-making gimmick. It doesn’t pander to any demographic and there seems to be no cynical effort to cram this movie down our throats, and that is commendable.

Doug's Favorite Movies of 2011

Rango
Rise of the Planet of the Apes
Shame
The Descendants
Cedar Rapids
Win Win
Hugo
Midnight in Paris
Jeff Who Lives at Home
Contagion
Horrible Bosses

Honorable Mention:

The Adventures of Tintin
Source Code
X-Men: First Class
50/50
Dragonslayer
Melancholia

The Adventures of Tintin

Who is Tintin? Is he a boy? Is he a man? Where are his parents? Thankfully, Spielberg doesn’t answer any of these questions as he hurls his audience head first into one chase after another, each more gravity-defying and hair-raising than the last. There’s a motorcycle chase through a town featuring some of the most Wile E. Coyote, high-wirey insane minutes ever conceived for a movie. The 3-D is crisp, the pace is brisk, and the sum of the parts is greater than the whole. I’ve always said Spielberg is an excellent director of sequences, which is abundantly clear in Tintin. But there is a cohesiveness that’s missing, as is subconscious desire of Tintin’s that leaves the emotional core of the movie lacking. It’s still an amazing movie and really worth seeing. (Even though it’s no Rango. But hey, what is?)

My Week With Marilyn

Marilyn Monroe is the least important part of this. She’s the complication for the protagonists, a narrator, Eddie Redmayne, and Sir Laurence Olivier, played by Kenneth Branagh. In what is ultimately a very good movie, the filmmakers go out of their way to explain that in spite of all of the problems she caused, Monroe was a movie star in every way, and was therefore worth the trouble. But if this movie could have another title, it would be called “Untreated Addiction.” So many of her quirks and problems, from the littlest things all the way up to her miscarriage, were obviously caused by a serious abuse of pills. Filmmakers give us a happy ending. Olivier gets the film he wants and the narrator gets a good story to tell. But in spite of the fact that this chapter of Monroe’s life winds up okay, we all know the rest of the story ends in tragedy.

The Artist

It’s amazing how much a good, old-fashioned happy ending can make a movie joyful and memorable. While many critics and reports refer to The Artist as a “silent” film, in truth, it’s a film about the silent film era that uses sound sparingly. The black and white film stock, the music, the performances, and the Hollywood locations elevate this to an Oscar worthy favorite. But the thing no one will dare admit is it’s really the silent film gimmick that’s getting people into theaters. Not that there’s anything wrong with selling a movie based on a gimmick, as long as it’s good, which it is. But you can’t really say it’s daring, or truly original. It is, however, definitely entertaining.

The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo

Didn’t I just see this movie a year ago?? The English version of the Swedish version of the Swedish book features some excellent acting, a brisk pace, and the trademarked, gloomy Fincheresque visuals. A bigger budget and more appealing movie stars makes this a must-see for anyone who hasn’t read the books or seen the Swedish films. If you have seen the other movies, while this is still a good movie, it might give you a feeling of déjà vu.

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

Sherlock Holmes knows Kung fu. That is all.

Shame

It’s a courageous and unflinching drama of one of the great human taboos; a man is sexually attracted to his sister. Does his attraction to his sister make him a sex addict? Or does the fact that he’s a sex addict make him attracted to his sister? Shame dares to ask forbidden questions, and dares to portray these questions cinematically and visually. The leads, Michael Fassbender and Carey Mulligan, deliver brave and naked performances, eliciting such sympathy that by the final third of the movie you start to wish they would just sleep together and get it over with. The only way this movie could have been more daring and courageous is if the leads weren’t so physically attractive. Otherwise, in a slew of sequels, remakes, and safe historical adaptations, Shame is a truly unique movie. Never sexually unsavory but always trail-blazingly original and refreshingly honest about the complicated sexual kindling that fuels the human condition.

Mission Impossible: Ghost Protocol

It’s everything you could possibly want in an impossible mission. Yes, Tom Cruise is crazy, but he knows how to deliver the goods, and the sequences during which he hangs from tall things are thrilling. My gripe: there are scenes that happen off screen that need to be awkwardly explained by the characters later. But it’s not really about the plot, I guess. As long as a guy is hanging by his fingernails from the tallest building in the world, you feel like you’re getting your money’s worth.

Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy

Gary Oldman plays a proper English spy trying to flush-out a mole in his clandestine spy agency. I’m certain there are literary types, cinephiles, and British people who’ll be able to follow the plot and find this movie subtle and brilliant. The acting is very important-sounding and production design is impeccably drab. So, I apologize if I sound like a typical, guns-a-blazin' American, but I found this to be a little too “Masterpiece Theatre.” There were moments, brief moments, when it got vibrant; stylish even. But there’s a lot of gray and a lot of whispering in between… I’d rather watch Homeland.

The Muppets

A perfectly pleasant movie featuring the old characters with slightly newer voices. It’s fun to see all the Hollywood locations, too. It’s not really a classic, but it invokes a lot of nostalgia. And nostalgia feels good.

Hugo

It’s Scorsese’s first movie without Leo DiCaprio in about 12 years. (I’m not counting documentaries.) If you held it up to any of his other movies, you’d be hard pressed to find any similarities. And as much as I loved After Hours and greatly admired The Departed, this might be one of the best movies in his career. There is a love of kids, a love of movies, and a love of making movies fused into Hugo at the subatomic level. There is such a love of things here; it’s more Spielberg than Spielberg. He’s fortunate to have, as his source material, many of his storyboards and conceptual drawings already finished. Every camera move he’s ever done in any movie ever has led him to this point. It’s hard to tell where the computer assist takes over for the actual movie camera. The result is a technical masterpiece. I did find the pace to be a little inconsistent. Important moments that require some breathing room breeze by, while frivolity seems to be lingered upon. (I find the pace of Boardwalk Empire to be a little pokey, too.) Emotionally, Scorsese definitely seems more comfortable evoking fear and anger, rather than sentiment. But the design, the color, the movement and the acting left me astonished. Even the 3-D was good! It wasn’t too dark. When he dies, which will hopefully be a long time from now, and the entertainment press plays all the clips from his films eulogizing his great body of work, it’ll be hilarious to see clips of Hugo along side Taxi Driver.

A Dangerous Method

A slightly boring and talky costume drama about Freud and Jung and their relationship with one particular patient. However, it’s Cronenberg, so thankfully it does get a little kinky. But only a little. The cast here is great. There are intimate and fully realized portrayals from all the leads, including an expert range of restraint and emotion from the new leading man Michael Fassbender. Kiera Knightly also manifests a startlingly honest and barely-controlled crazy person, a victim of abuse who benefits and then shares the techniques developed by Freud and Jung. The movie explores but never judges the complicated relationships that shrinks can have with their patients, back to and including the very first of the head-shrinkers. A more interesting history than drama, it’s worth seeing, but only after a coffee or two.

The Descendants

He doesn’t make a lot of movies, but when he does Alexander Payne always delivers. He’s done satires and dramedies to perfection. Descendants is no exception. Payne and his casting team seem to be as careful with casting the supporting players as they are about casting their leads. There are great performances all around, including a revelation by Judy Greer. But, it’s not meant to be as funny as his other movies. In fact, there are many moments that are quite sad and serious, dealing with death, grief, betrayal, and the very serious matter of the Hawaiian heritage. Is it Payne's best? Nope. Sideways still holds that title. Is it Clooney’s best? Nope. But he’s still great in the movie as the sturdy, average dad. But it’s really good. Payne, the cast, and the crew take their story-telling really seriously. They respect their audience and I have nothing but gratitude.

Immortals

The stakes are always high when gods, demigods and titans battle for control of the Earth and its weakling population. It’s hard to imagine the battles of gods, but the all-form-and-no-function director Tarsem has a lot of fun when the battles wind up in cramped narrow hallways and elaborately carved caves. Mickey Roarke was deliciously rotten as the power-hungry villain, and the rest of the cast managed not to embarrass themselves. I couldn’t really summarize the plot if I had a gun to my head, even minutes after the movie ended. But it was fun to be in the moment and watch as one demigod beheads another demigod, as the deep crimson blood flies in slow motion across the screen to the tune of some important-sounding music.

The Skin I Live In

I’m not sure I followed the plot very clearly. It IS in Spanish, after all. But as near as I can figure it, Antonio Bandaras plays a surgeon whose daughter gets raped. He kidnaps the rapist and surgically turns him into a woman and then has sex with him/her. I’m sure this is symbolic or meaningful or something, but I couldn’t really follow what was going on.

Jeff Who Lives at Home

After a barrage of depressing movies at AFI Fest this year, the relief of seeing something upbeat was immeasurable. Jason Siegal is perfect as the apathetic and impressionable hero. Against type, Ed Helms plays the dickhead here, and his self-reflecting journey is PROFOUNDLY better than anything in those Hangover movies. Susan Sarandon has never been better as a mom open to new things. The cast is superb and the concept is profound and builds to an exciting and fitting conclusion. The comedy is heartfelt the overall feeling after the movie is positive. The Duplass brothers, the mumblecore gurus behind this, did q&a after the show, and they both came off as kind of douchey. Maybe they were just tired. Or maybe they save up any warmth or gratitude for their movies. At any rate, I liked it.

Melancholia

The first half of Lars von Trier’s latest is like a gloomy version of a Neil Simon play. Kirsten Dunst is spectacularly bi-polar as she tries to smile and dance her way through her wedding, but behind her eyes there’s a crushing despair. It’s a fierce performance, and something different than anything else she’s ever done. The supporting cast is also good, including a surprisingly solid turn from Kiefer Sutherland. Visually experiencing the movie is a bit like watching a Malick nature opus. “The Tree of Death” perhaps? At times, the pace is brutally slow, but sublime acting and visuals keep you engaged until the big finish. The movie seems to be saying that it’s okay to be depressed. Depressed people will be the ones most equipped to cope when the world ends, as it inevitably will.

Into the Abyss

The movie is much more specific than the title suggests. Into the Abyss chronicles a particular case in Texas; a crime ten years ago that lead to murder. The criminals confessed, and they’re interviewed along with many other people associated with the case. The friends of the victims and the friends and family of the culprits are all interviewed in a pretty standard “60 Minutes” fashion. Though the movie is skillfully made and definitely sheds light on larger issues about execution, it doesn't make you very sympathetic for the killers or the victims. But there are family members of the victims whose suffering will never end, and even they have their problems with capital punishment. It’s a serious and worthwhile documentary from Werner Herzog, but it could be saved for home video.

Rampart

Woody Harrelson and an all-star cast make this familiar tale of police corruption intriguing and watchable. The personal life of this narcissistic sociopath is explored considerably and the drama there is good. But how do you end a movie like this? You can’t really, not in any satisfying way. So the cup is almost full here, but maybe a quick review of Shakespeare could have given Woody’s corrupt cop the tragic ending he deserved.

Dragonslayer

A sad but compelling doc about a lowest of low-level pro skateboarder Josh Sandoval, as he struggles with poverty, drugs, alcohol, and parenthood. It’s reflective of the nation’s housing bubble that abanonded houses with empty pools make for the best skating. Therefore, a direct result of economic collapse is more skaters. I found this movie heartbreaking, but an important work of art that helps put my own life in perspective.

The Dish and the Spoon

Mumblecore muse Greta Gerwig pouts, drinks beer, and mopes her way through this meditation on infidelity. It’s emotionally ambitious and there are enjoyable moments, but there are also times where it draaaaags. Weak logic defines the resolution, too, which may be realistic, but it’s not all that surprising. And if you’re going to depress me with all of this gloominess, the least you can do is upturn my expectations a little.

Rum Diary

Something went wrong with this, but it’s hard to say what. It has everything going for it. Famous source material, big time movie star lead, likeable supporting cast, exotic location. All winning ingredients. But the story feels like a series of subplots without any kind of main plot. So nothing hooks you in, nothing gets you excited or fulfilled, and there’s nothing to resolve at the end. Plus the tone is uncomfortably inconsistent. It jumps from silliness to melancholy for no apparent dramatic reason. It’s hard to tell if everyone making the move was on the same page, literally.

The Thing

The filmmakers of this prequel have a FUNDAMENTAL misunderstanding of what made the John Carpenter movie so great. The creature in John Carpenter’s paranoid masterpiece imitates humans. Therefore, like the other guys stranded in Antarctica, you never know who has been snatched by the thing and who hasn’t. This is where the suspense comes from. But in this catastrophic rehash, the creature is always in its slimy, mutating, goopy phase, and never seems to successfully imitate anything. Poof! There goes the suspense, dumbass remakers.

Ides of March

What’s funny about this movie, it feels like it was written 50 years ago. The scandal, the catalyst for the movie’s low-impact intrigue, seems relatively tame compared to today’s real-world Jack Abramoffs and war profiteers. Though she’s a competent performer, Evan Rachel Wood’s intern-in-trouble character feels like she fell out of a 1950’s propaganda film about teens in trouble. Everyone in the cast is solid, and it’s well-directed by Clooney, but the movie doesn’t say a lot about today’s political world that we didn’t already know.

Real Steel

It’s a family-friendly cobbling of all the boxing movies, with, ya know, robots. There’s lots of Rocky, plenty of The Champ, a little bit of Raging Bull, and some recognizable stuff from the robot greats: Wall-E, Short Circuit, Robocop. So it’s about as original as a Big Mac. But I got a kick out of it, mainly because of the adults: Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly, Hope Davis and James Rebhorn. I think it’s the sign of a good actor when they can take a script as corny and derivative as this and commit whole-heartedly to its reality. Never winking, never tongue in cheek. The exception to this: the villains. I laughed out loud every time the wicked, Russian, robot-owning vixen spoke. She made me nostalgic for Brigitte Nielsen. Anyway, I went into this expecting a movie about boxing robots. My expectations were fulfilled.

50/50

I’ll admit it: I’m Seth Rogened out. It seems like he’s been in too many movies lately playing the same kind of role. But if all of that was a warm-up for 50/50, maybe it was worth it. As the producer and actor, Rogen plays himself, gives himself the best part, and owns the best scene in the movie. Everyone in the cast is first-rate, elevating the script from a C+ dramedy into a B+ Oscar baiter. It’s neither the directing, the writing nor the cancer concept that makes it special. It’s the fact that the story is personal that makes it emotionally honest. It’s unusual, too, that the main character, played perfectly by Joseph Gordon-Levitt, is so atypically plain. He’s not exceptional in way. He doesn’t have an interesting job. He doesn’t have some great calling in life. He’s not hilarious. In fact, the only thing vaguely unique about him is he has a pretty girlfriend -- a thankless role rendered skillfully and unselfishly by Bryce Dallas Howard. Howard’s shrew is juxtaposed beautifully by Anna Kendrick’s plucky young shrink. The cup is almost full here. A lot of talented youngsters have tried to nail down a James L. Brooks style dramedy tearjerker with mixed results. For every Up in the Air and 500 Days of Summer, there’s a Funny People. 50/50 manages to be more like the former than the latter.

Moneyball

** Spoilers galore **

I really got hooked into the first half of this. The “nerds rule” sentiment, hiring the chubby geek to crunch the numbers while Joe-Handsome tracks down the players was fascinating. I couldn’t wait for the equation to be solved; for the bad news bears to coalesce into the baseball powerhouse the geek hero predicted they would be. But Moneyball is based on a true story, so unfortunately they must be factual. Which is to say that, apparently, the whole thing was a fluke. Not really the best way to end a sports movie…

Drive

Drive feels more like a study than a movie. An exercise in film noir, running down a check-list of film noir ingredients but without any kind of emotional point. The filmmakers don’t seem to understand L.A. in a real way. All the particulars about L.A., Hollywood, and its residents seems to be hastily lifted from old detective novels. Yes, it's violent. No more than anything else. But the violence is frustrating because it's uncharacteristically brutal, lacking any kind of dramatic or ironic point. Nebulous plot, unmotivated characters, and not much driving for a movie called "drive." The only thing that makes it "artsy" is the weird, French carnival music that plays during some of the action scenes, which made me roll my eyes. And it’s replete with Dutch angles. I could practically hear the director screaming for more Dutch angels. It’s not all bad. It had potential. It was fun to see Albert Brooks as a stab-happy villain. And there’s a bitchin’ scene in an elevator. But… meh.

Contagion

Should be required viewing for anyone who doesn’t “believe in” vaccinations. It’s an excellent piece of sci-fi. A potent and realistic “what-if” tracking a badass virus, and the way people would react to it. The resolution is optimistic, but Steven Soderbergh and company aren’t afraid to dramatize the dickheads of the calamity, too, thus creating a strong cautionary tale NOT about how to treat a bad-ass virus, but about how to treat each other.

Warrior

Rocky meets Rich Man, Poor Man. It’s 1976 all over again. Nick Nolte’s even in it! Warrior is well-intentioned, with a big heart. The script is hokey, but it’s strongly directed and vigorously acted. The cinematography bugged me a little. There’s always something in the foreground -- a head, an object, a hand. It’s an attempt to give the movie a POV, to make it gritty and real. But it’s overdone by about 10%. Details about Mixed Martial Arts fighting feel well-researched, but the heavy hands of the filmmakers force-feed the griminess, which makes certain settings feel inauthentic. Overall, Warrior aspires for and mostly achieves deep emotion, which will make it well-respected, but doesn’t guarantee a long box office life.

The Debt

There are parallel stories here: one in the past and one in the present. The one in the past is the “A” plot, and the one in the present is the “B” plot. But it should have been the other way around. Because the “B” plot in the present has Helen Mirren in it, ready and willing wrap-up some unfinished business with an old Nazi. And that’s the fun part, watching the old Jewish Mossad agent grappling with the evil, arthritic Nazi. The stuff in the past, though necessary, drags on way too long. So bits of this were good. It’s like saying the main course was bland, but the desert was DELICIOUS.

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark

Creepy little animals that look like rats with monkey heads torment a family for no particular reason. Of course, no one in this movie has ever seen a movie before, so the parents don’t believe the little girl when she says she sees monsters in the house. And when there’s pretty clear evidence that there ARE monsters in the house, they don’t get the fuck out of the house! There’s nothing wrong with the execution, per se, it’s just a flawed premise from the get-go.

Attack the Block

The twist on the alien invasion genre, the attack happens in a London housing project plagued by petty, teenage criminals. There are a few pleasant surprises, but overall the movie’s too impressed with it’s own concept and fails to build an interesting story or a suspenseful plot. The rough and tumble, “Guy Richie” yobs keep you watching, which makes for a fun night, even if it’s clear this movie will not resonate for one second past the end credits.

Fright Night

Too dark! “But Doug! Shouldn’t a vampire movie BE dark??” Well, I don’t mean thematically dark. I mean the 3-D was too dark, and I couldn’t really see the action. Granted, there are some cool 3-D shots near the end, but I guess I’d rather actually SEE the movie. So far this year, Colin Ferrell played a Russian prisoner in the meathody drama The Way Back. Then he played one of the Horrible Bosses. So the guy’s versatile – I’ll give him that. He’s the best thing about Fright Night, which is an ordinary, suburban campfire tale with nothing new to add to the formula.

30 Minutes or Less

I wanted to like this. But I’ve decided I’m not a fan of Danny McBride. The Foot Fist Way was too long ago, and it’s time Danny McBride portrayed someone other than the loathsome rednecks he embodies in every single movie. The supporting characters in this are funny. Aziz Ansari milks every scene he’s in and manages to come out unscathed. Nick Swardson has a few funny moments, too. Too bad the movie wasn’t about them.

The Guard

Getting to know Brendan Gleeson’s corrupt foul-mouthed Irish cop is hilarious, and it makes the first half of The Guard a hoot. The plot and directing are on par for this kind of low-budget import. Nothing fancy. Don Cheadle makes a worthy foil and overall it’s a fun night, even if you can’t understand the dialogue because either a: the Irish accents are too strong, or b: you’re laughing too much.

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

It’s difficult to say why I liked this so much. It’s full of surprises. The protagonist is not James Franco, or one of the other humans. The protagonist is Caesar, the one lucky chimp who survived a cruel medical trial. He’s the underdog, and he spends the first half of the movie getting kicked around by humans and apes alike. But he wants what EVERY animal wants, human or ape: he wants freedom. And he has what everyone wants: super intelligence. It’s a tasty dish of cold vengeance to watch him manipulate his way to the top of the food chain, while humankind manages to self destruct. A lot of the credit for the success Caesar's sympathetic ordeal should go to Andy Serkis, the performance capture artist who helped make Caesar the most subtle and complicated non-human character since "Wall-E." Everything about this was good, but again, I’m not sure why. Maybe I haven’t seen enough good movies lately. Or maybe I needed a really good underdog story. Or maybe Rise of the Planet of the Apes is just really well-made.

Cowboys and Aliens

Yep, I saw it again.

Cowboys and Aliens

It’s a happy and inspired marriage of genres. But the gimmick is the fusion, without bringing anything new to the individual genres themselves. In other words, aliens are still slimy and roach-like, cowboys are still tough and trigger happy, and Indians are still quiet and noble. It seems like it might be time to get some new aliens. Battle: Los Angeles, Super 8, and Falling Skies all have slimy, gross, roachy aliens. If they’re so much more advanced than we are, how come they’re not more evolutionarily advanced? Westerns and alien invasion movies are the quintessential Saturday matinee/b-movie genres. It makes sense that the filmmakers here would stick to the conventions of each genre, assuming that each one would compliment the other. But a hybrid should also be an improvement over the individual parts, and while this is a successful effort to fulfill all the Saturday matinee/b-movie requirements, there doesn’t seem to be much effort to improve on them. Then again, maybe I’m getting way too over-analytical. Maybe I should stop thinking, eat some popcorn, and behold Harrison Ford kill some aliens.

Friends with Benefits

We were supposed to see Another Earth, but the start time got botched. So we saw this instead. That's the end of this sad, sad story.

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows - Part 2

The final installment has some great filmmaking. Production design is perfect, shots linger beautifully, and the music soars. I’ll admit, most of it didn’t make a lot of sense to me. The J.K. Rowling/lame plotting that I always complain about still rears it’s ugly dragonhead from time to time. But it’s a cinematic wonder watching those kids grow up in their characters, and watching digital effects mature and grow over the years, too. It’s a testament to the imaginative and detailed world created by Rowling that it would become such a beloved series in spite of the amateurish, 5th grade-level plotting.

Captain America: The First Avenger

Joe Johnston is great at the corny nostalgia. It’s a gift, really. Chris Evans was cast perfectly and the “little Steve” segments were technically amazing. It seemed like it was probably a good movie. I was at the theatre. Really. But I couldn’t actually SEE the movie, because it was WAY TOO DARK. I kept having to lift up my 3-D glass just to see what was going on. Maybe I should see it again in 2-D so I can actually perceive the action on screen.

The Trip

Could be called, "My Dinner With Coogan." It’s a funny but plotless series of episodes with comedian Steve Coogan driving around the English countryside and dining with comedian Rob Brydon. The point seems to be that the people who are your best friends are often the biggest pains in your ass. Or the converse, which is no matter how big of a pain in the ass a friend is, it sure beats eating alone.

Horrible Bosses

Who HASN’T wanted to kill their boss?? A great comedy because it’s structured really tightly like a good thriller. There’s a lot of hysterical twists and pay-offs to things you never would have expected. The cast is fantastic. The repartee is like jazz and always skillfully plays into the plot. It’s a coming out party for Charlie Day, who blasts into movie star orbit with his neurotic, free-form rages. Bateman is in top form at his driest and dead-paniest. I laughed all the way through. So, so, SO much better than The Hangover, I wanna grab the world and shake it and scream, “See!? This is comedy!”